Anybody else not date?

[High On Berserk]

1 hour ago, Pegg said:

Offtopic : Fuck inceldom and MGTOW. Ruining the lives of too many young men.

So bad parenting, putting women on a pedestal, courts and general hypocrisy never ruined men lives? Inceldom and MGTOW are symptoms, but I guess you too see patterns all over the place instead of actual problem.

Edited January 28, 2020 by High On Berserk

[Cruduxy Pegg]

They glorify all the horrible things and drag people into it, instead of trying to help them get out of it; So yes they are fucking terrible cults. How did you come to the conclusion those things don't ruin people lives because I said fuck 2 horrible communities is beyond me. Those 2 communities find people who need guidance and fill their head with absolute garbage instead.

 

If anyone goes there regularly they should do themselves a service and never go there again.

Edited January 28, 2020 by Pegg

[Linguica]

I was the most objectively attractive to women (as measured by the number of women interested in me) when I was 32 or 33. Just saying!

[mewse]

10 minutes ago, Linguica said:

I was the most objectively attractive to women (as measured by the number of women interested in me) when I was 32 or 33. Just saying!

 

same except also fittest and happiest

[Rainne]

18 hours ago, MINDDomkr said:

At 30, you're just older, worse looking, etc. Why would you want to date then?

Lately I've been thinking of 30s as a "sweet spot" between vitality and maturity, having the best of both, in terms of being appealing. Of course, being mid-30s myself, that might just be an ongoing preference toward people around my own age. I'd tend to think of someone who's 20 as still being in beta; less maturity, less experience, less wisdom; and even lacking physically: less form, less texture, less presence, less elegance. There's no value in fetishizing youth, because youth isn't a form of perfection that unstoppably decays over the years, where our only hope is to slow it down as much as possible. Things can, and do, get better with age.

 

After all, here we all are, dating a game 20-25 years past its prime. It's clearly an old game compared to new games; and yet many of the traits that make it look old are the very things we find endearing about it.

 

You don't expire when you reach 30. If anything, you're just getting started. And so are your potential partners. Just own it; it's fun!

[Hcoop111]

just walk up to one talk and go from there ..if it doesnt work out however you wanted it to go be it 1 nighter ..regular...friends ..a relationship.. or just a talk ...then move to the next and try again :3 ..never know unless you ask

[Doomkid]

On 1/28/2020 at 6:21 AM, MINDDomkr said:

If you're nearing 30 theres no point in dating anymore. Younger women dont want you and the older ones all likely have major baggage and or/other issues. A lot probably have kids who they want you to look after as well. No thanks.

This is just flat out wrong. If having kids is a deal breaker that's fine, but you are never going to meet someone with no baggage.

 

So many people seem to build up this idea that a partner is going to be an angel from heaven who is always young, always cute, and always cleans up after you. It's never going to be the case. So many men build up these insane expectations and act like the world is crumbling around them when they realize that no such woman exists - not at any age, not in any demographic.

 

All those things you want from life, all those struggles you have - believe it or not, women have similar struggles too. One of my closest friends is drop-dead gorgeous and yet she has serious struggles with suicidal tendencies, and actually fell into a similar rut you seem to be in - "no one wants me, even if they did we'd fight, there's too much baggage on my end and on their end" and other self-defeating shit like that. Thank fuck, getting out and meeting people, and putting on a happy/approachable face has helped her get back into networking with others and somewhat pulled her out of that negative headspace..

 

The idea that you can't find someone is objectively wrong, the idea that you'll ever meet anyone approaching "perfect" is wrong, and the idea that women - even beautiful ones - don't face these exact same misgivings is dead wrong.

 

A lot of these baseless beliefs are the result of propaganda, as Pegg pointed out. Stuff that claims to be "help" or "support circles" for lonely men, yet in reality is just a swirling death-pit where people who are already depressed/isolated go to convince themselves to become even more depressed. It's an endless negative feedback loop where people go to reaffirm their "hopeless, helpless" station in life. It's a big fucking pity party. It helps no one improve themselves, leads no one to a happy life with friends and lovers.. It's just a wholly destructive negative feedback loop.

 

21 hours ago, MINDDomkr said:

I just dont see the point.

 

At 30, you're just older, worse looking, etc. Why would you want to date then?

I'm the fattest and most disgusting I've ever been, contrary to others in this here thread who have obviously began aging more gracefully than I have, and yet I have no trouble going out and finding some poon (on the rare occasion I actually want to do that). Mostly because I have an approachable, friendly demeanor, and I don't come off as a creep or as desperate in any way. I'm not saying this to put you down, but I swear if you're acting desperate at all, people can smell it on you.

 

I know it probably sounds strange, but very few people are "naturally confident". You're going to feel dumb and not know what to say at times. That's why you keep going out and keep at it, because it becomes more natural in time. Your first time out at (some social event), you're awkward and shy. By the hundredth time, you're a natural and interacting with others (women in particular) isn't this insurmountable beast you've built it up as in your mind.

 

If you give up on it, you'll never get better, and by the time you're 40 when you go out and socialize, you'll still be stuck behaving as you did when you were in your 20's... because you refused to let that part of you grow and develop - all because of some weird, unclear fears about "dating women in their 30's who might have baggage!!" or other such things.

 

 

Women under about 27 strike me as "little girls" at this point anyway, I'm nearly 30. I need an adult. It's like Louis CK said in a hilarious old joke of his: "When I see these young chicks out at bars, I don't want to screw them.. I just want to throw my jacket over their shoulders and give them a ride home."

 

21 hours ago, MINDDomkr said:

If you were ignored all through your 20s women wont randomly start flocking to you when you hit 30. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Of course not, but people avoiding you is far more down to personality and demeanor than looks. Let me tell you, I've seen countless examples of ugly fucks with no talent and no money go out and pick up women solely on their social skills on charisma. Things that can be learned. Things that are quite simply not as beyond your grasp as you've convinced yourself they are.

 

19 hours ago, Nevander said:

What I'd like to know is how are you physically still around them? That entire demographic and type of person is the same kind that never wanted anything to do with guys like me. That's not going to magically change with age or time, they are set in their ways just as I am set in mine.

Anyone who is totally set in their ways and unwilling to budge is going to be very difficult to get on with in my experiences. "If you want to end up brittle, stay rigid."

 

Thankfully most people do seem at least somewhat willing to change. A few girls who I assumed were just dumb or empty-headed in my high school days later ended up WOWing me in unexpected ways. Attractive girls who had untold genius in ways that school didn't really encourage - I'll never forget this one girl in particular who I had written off as a ditzy blonde back in school who ended up painting stunningly beautiful pictures.. She was much more than what most people pigeonholed her into. There are other examples of "hot girls" who ended up with mediocre looking dudes.. because they actually grew up and realized there's more to partnership and love than good looks.

 

This is a generalization but I find that the more intelligent a person is, the less likely they are to write off dating someone over stupid, arbitrary shit like physicality. It comes down more to shit that actually matters - how you behave, how you are to be around, how supportive you are. Most people with a functioning brain grow out of the "eww, you're icky looking!!" phase.

Edited January 28, 2020 by Doomkid

[Nevander]

1 hour ago, Doomkid said:

Most people with a functioning brain grow out of the "eww, you're icky looking!!" phase.

This is the main question: how does one find these people?

[Doomkid]

Places I've met women:

 

School. Not just high school, but when I did a massage therapy course, as well as a networking course. I didn't actually date anyone, but there were a handful of women I could easily have asked out after a few months of being the class together. I was married at this point though so I wasn't actually looking for that, but the opportunity was there in both instances.

 

Dating sites. Obviously people have hangups about this, but there's no reason to just write it off full-stop. The one woman I ever ended up actually seeing from a dating site I ended up dating quite happily for about 7 months. Even after breaking up, we're still friends.

 

Work. I worked at a grocery store and there were multiple coworkers I found attractive. This is another case where I was already in a relationship so I had no need to fish, but they were just cool people in general even aside from the dating aspect or whatever we want to call it. Dating would have been well within reach at this point. Obviously not all jobs are going to have this going for them - mine doesn't - but many do!

 

Going to concerts. One time when I was at a not-very-populated show, a cool looking older chick was sort of rocking out on her own, I just went right up to her and told her it looked fun and asked to join her. I bought her a drink and we ended up going out to the back area ad talking about stuff. I got her number and we ended up dating for a while.

 

Playing concerts. The main reason I learned to play piano, guitar and drums is because I fucking love music and just wanted to get familiar with how it all works. I didn't even realize that playing an instrument automatically makes you 15 to 20% more sexy, but it simply does. I played a few shows, some with big crowds, some with practically no crowd, but I will say that talking to women you know were just staring at you playing an instrument for 30 minutes straight is far easier. You don't even have to play concerts necessarily. I seriously doubt this would apply only to music, anyway - being highly skilled at most anything is a huge plus. People are attracted to skill (well, other than skill at video games. I'm not saying this to be a douche, it's just true. As much as I wish it wasn't..!)

[Mayomancer]

Last girlfriend i had was like 2 years ago, not actively searching for another date since then. It was a good time, just did not work out in the long term but we're still friends. I'm really bad at interacting with people but who knows what will happen right

[Rainne]

3 hours ago, Doomkid said:

I swear if you're acting desperate at all, people can smell it on you.

What's unappealing about desperate guys is that it's really obvious that they want just anyone, any girl at all, and that they follow a script that can be copied-and-pasted to any girl they talk to.

 

For women, guys are like advertisements. Even if you like shopping, even if you're in the market for something, you'll still fast-forward through commercials and use adblockers, right? Because there's a difference between something interesting/actionable, and something that just wants your money, and clutters up and cheapens your experience that was perfectly fine without it. If an ad shows up, your instinct is "nope, go away". If you're serious about buying something, you're not going to ask ads; you'll ask friends, because they're willing to be objective about it, weighing alternatives or even saying "nah, not a good idea". Their advice is much more useful than ads because it's not self-centric and one-sided.

 

This is what women have to deal with. As for men? Don't be an ad. Be a collaborator.

 

Because relationships are a collaborative project, not something you trick someone into assenting to, and not interchangable with other people. You should be willing to take her side in this; to be as invested in her success as you expect her to be in yours. And when you get into the mindset that it's a two-sided thing rather than one-sided, then good conduct should follow naturally from it, and things should be less mysterious and scary.

[Nevander]

4 hours ago, Doomkid said:

People are attracted to skill (well, other than skill at video games. I'm not saying this to be a douche, it's just true

Well shit. I'm pretty skilled at some games, too bad my leet skills won't help me get chicks. :(

 

That's pretty much my only skill in real life unfortunately. I guess you could say programming but that's basically a turn off too. I like cycling but thats not really a cool skill, it's just exercise. Besides all that, I'm a pretty talentless guy.

 

School is over for me. Never tried dating sites or apps and I don't know if I want to. There isn't anyone where I work and I'd rather not shit where I eat.

 

I don't go to concerts because the nearest venue is far away and even if I went to one there's no guarantee of finding someone who is a) single and b) interested. Going to one with the sole intention of trying to find someone isn't going to work out and just sounds pathetic to me for some reason.

 

It's like all the advice I've seen where they tell you if you go out trying to find someone as your primary goal, you're going to fail because you'll appear as a desperate creepy dude.

 

Now explain, how a guy like myself can find someone because (not to sound like a cringey incel) I don't see how it's possible given my status.

[TheNoob_Gamer]

On 1/28/2020 at 2:21 AM, MINDDomkr said:

If you're nearing 30 theres no point in dating anymore. Younger women dont want you and the older ones all likely have major baggage and or/other issues. A lot probably have kids who they want you to look after as well. No thanks.

Spoiler

My brother is approaching 30 years old and is dating with a 26 years old girl, so no. You are wrong.

 

[seed]

2 hours ago, Nevander said:

Now explain, how a guy like myself can find someone because (not to sound like a cringey incel) I don't see how it's possible given my status.

 

I think the best advice here would be to just keep trying if you're actually interested in finding someone, and eventually, it might just happen.

 

But indeed, keep in mind that you have to know very well what you're looking for. There's a good reason why no one wants to be around attention-seeking whores and desperate people trying to get into a relation with literally anyone without anything specific in mind :p .

[insertwackynamehere]

7 hours ago, Nevander said:

I guess you could say programming but that's basically a turn off too. I like cycling but thats not really a cool skill, it's just exercise. Besides all that, I'm a pretty talentless guy.

That’s such a defeatist attitude lol biking and programming are completely legitimate skills, programming is my main skill/hobby/career. My last girlfriend and probably the most serious relationship I had was with another programmer who I met at my job and even women who aren’t programmers all think it’s cool. I could reduce my life to just being about programming and weight lifting but it would be extremely reductionist. I know a lot of bicyclists also and it’s definitely a hobby you probably can have an easier time making social than weightlifting which has always been my main exercise outlet.

 

Also I don’t think games are necessarily a turnoff, I have friends working in the game industry and there are a lot of women gamers these days in and out of the industry, I know that has always been a point of contention for some reason but it’s proof there isn’t some gender divide where women hate games or whatever. A woman I knew from high school who was relatively “popular” is one of those gamer streamers these days (not the controversial kind either from my understanding).

 

I think however being good at playing video games in a non-professional way isn’t going to be impressive but not just because of some hate towards video games. It’s more like, I feel there are three kinds of hobbies: consumption based, creative based and self-improvement based. I think then on top of that some people may be able to parlay any of those from hobbies to side hustles.

 

So gaming at home alone is fine, it’s a consumption based hobby though. Those are the least constructive but there isn’t anything wrong with them in balance. If you became a professional gamer it would turn it into a job and change the situation, though. Similarly, in this community a lot of gaming isn’t just consumptive but creative because everyone making mods and wads, in those cases I think creating content for video games is a creative hobby and circles back around to being something someone would find interesting. Really it’s just like, would an interesting conversation be about how much tv you watched? Probably not. But if you worked on a tv show or were one half of a tv review duo or something then of course it would be interesting. But just watching a lot of tv on its own isn’t really a personality. Even though there’s nothing wrong with watching tv and even doing so can help increase social cohesion in certain settings with small talk about what happened on whatever show, or you can invite people over to watch Netflix because it’s mutually enjoyable and can be good background noise to hanging out. Similarly you could invite someone over to play games and chill, or just hang out with friends. But if it’s the only thing you do with free time then the creative and self improvement outlets are starved, and this in turn makes you appear less interesting because you aren’t really doing anything to improve yourself or expand your horizons.
 

But once again you wrote off programming and bicycling which together cover self improvement and creativity so that’s not really seemingly something you lack.

Edited January 29, 2020 by insertwackynamehere

[Nevander]

4 hours ago, seed said:

I think the best advice here would be to just keep trying if you're actually interested in finding someone, and eventually, it might just happen.

At this time, well really since 2014, I'm not interested in finding anyone. I've learned to live happily alone because honestly I think it's a better fit with my lifestyle. Bringing someone else into my life would be chaos for me and definitely wouldn't be great for them. I don't want to make someone else's life worse dealing with me.

 

1 hour ago, insertwackynamehere said:

and even women who aren’t programmers all think it’s cool

Sure it's not just the ones you knew around that field? Back when there were women at my job interning, they are gone now back to college, I tried explaining/showing them what I do at my job and they looked visibly bored. Maybe they were immature, but it quickly made me shut up about it after that. I wasn't even trying to impress.

 

1 hour ago, insertwackynamehere said:

I think however being good at playing video games in a non-professional way isn’t going to be impressive 

Well that's all I've got haha. I'm not good at online gaming, specifically competitive. I used to play CSGO and usually would get destroyed. There's no way I could be a professional gamer. I'm much better at single player and beating/memorizing AI. As an example, I know pretty much every single enemy spawn point in all three Dead Space games.

[insertwackynamehere]

My bias is being around other working professionals. I’m not going to pretend that every person ever will find programming interesting, but it’s something that is creative and professional. Also, when I say they find it interesting I don’t necessarily mean that they are interested in watching you code but enjoy hearing about software development or the field. The same way one might be interested to hear about a doctor or lawyer or something, versus watching them do medical research or case law research.

[printz]

I usually date, if I have a love interest, but the quality varies. Sometimes I feel exhausted after a date, rather than excited. Often after a second date I decide to dump the girl because I don't see myself spending time with her. Other times it's I who is downright ghosted (or at least given clear hints and pretexts she doesn't have time for me).

 

How do I find girls? Definitely NOT online. Dating apps like Tinder or Bumble don't work. The personal connection is far too weak to be able to keep conversations going, and the time wasted for swiping is huge. And cold-messaging girls on Facebook again is a crapshoot, because I'm just a stranger knocking on their spare time at that point. The way I find girls is by joining paid trips to various places, such as mountain hiking or touristic places. Lots of single women (and men) to meet in those trips. Or I go to events, sometimes I can find someone to talk to. It all comes naturally, starting with presenting each other and shaking hands, and is often helped by the woman I talk to, because she seems to enjoy more talking to me if she's attracted, so the conversation flows nicely. Asking to see each other later becomes a breeze. 

 

I don't go to bars to talk to strangers. I don't even know how that works.

 

About self-confidence:

1. To be in shape, and if commutting to work/school allows, invest in a bike or adult kickscooter (not electric). I'm not even telling you to go to gym or jogging. This shall make you feel good and look attractive. Going hiking mountains each weekend also works wonders, if you have access. See my tip in the paragraph above.

2. Read books. Don't focus just on one if it's boring. You'll get better at talking because you'll know stuff.

3. When at work, focus on the job, don't slack. When at school or with homework, focus on studying. Do it fast enough so you're left with completely free spare time afterwards.

4. Don't be afraid to be quiet when you have nothing to say. Nobody will care. If they do, and ask why you're quiet, just say whatever you're thinking. But the key here is to be relaxed with your thoughts. Do not try to say stuff just so you say something. Just by listening to others, you'll find something to say later. Or not, if what they say is boring. In that case you can try to fall asleep!

 

BUT, for me, the big elephant in the room is FRIENDS. Forget romantic interests, they come and go. But friends are supposed to be a lifetime investment, which I'm kinda neglecting. Falling in the friendzone, as they say, is something I'd love to be true!!

Edited January 29, 2020 by printz

[Guest MIND]

On 1/27/2020 at 8:55 PM, DuckReconMajor said:

I am going to go back to @Nine Inch Heels suggestion that you should talk to a therapist or some kind of professional help. It seems like you are going through a lot.

I'd choose working on my Doom levels then going on a date.

[Guest MIND]

You see, my Autism gives me superpowers and let's me hyper focus on something for HOURS.

 

THE POWER OF AUTISM COMPELS YOU. THE POWER OF AUTISM COMPELS YOU.

[seed]

But so can obsession and passion :p .

[incel]

I think my name says it all.

[Bauul]

To add an alternative answer to the question, I've never "dated" in the way it's been talked about here.

 

Although that's because I met a girl at 17, were friends for a few months, then got drunk and had sex and two decades later we're still together.

 

Separately though, I'd second the comments about feeling most attractive in my 30s. By this age you've worked out what version of you you genuinely feel the most comfortable in, and almost that alone has the best impact on coming across as appealing. I've had more girls hit on me in my 30s than I ever did in my 20s.

 

[Leninova]

Since a lot of you guys have been telling your stories, I think it's my turn to tell mine. The big difference here this time is that I'm from the opposite sex. (Can't wait for the comments where some will suspect me that I'm a liar. I can prove myself easily, so I don't care.)

 

I'm almost 23 and I don't date anyone. Not because I'm so full of myself, or I hate men. I just have now so-called, "conservative standards" which are no match for nowadays' popular ways of living. I mean, I care much more about someone's personality than the look, or what he's interested in, rather how many chicks he has had before me or how hot he is on the scale. I looked for a companion for life instead of any one-night stands.

 

Then, I had to realize, almost nobody wants to be in a relationship. Why would anyways anyone waste his time on a complex girl like me if he can get easily other kind of girls for certain things? While I'm also not 10/10 (not even close to 5 LOL)? In this case, I'm worthless. 

 

To tell you, I have never been in a romantic relationship before. I don't even know what is it feel like to be in love. It's kinda strange, I have to admit... but what can I do? I always cared about my studies than anything else. While other girls were "having fun" (being drunk doesn't seem that great to me), I was preparing for college.

And yet, this situation hasn't changed, only some circumstances. 

 

What I have realized too that dudes are pussies (I apologize to those who are not) while manliness is not cool anymore. They are scared to ask a girl out or even talk to them. That's why they expect girls to make the first or even all the moves. It's extremely pathetic in my eyes. Like if everything went upside down for no good reason. And those, who would love to have someone to court to them, have a normal date (like me), can suffer however they want). 

 

I tried dating sites when I was 21, didn't work out, was a total waste of time. I only had 2 dates, and with the same guy. Later, he told me to f*ck off. Because I told him I don't wanna have sex with him (*standards*). There were other ridiculous moments too during this "dating period", but right now I don't wanna talk about it. 

 

I'm not mad at men. And it wouldn't be fair to call them something bad. (BTW, I have very good friends who are happened to be males, and I'm glad I have them.). 

 

Maybe I should finally accept the fact that I will die alone. Since I'm incapable of adjusting to the trends. LMFAO

 

(Sorry, if this comment of mine is not cohesive enough, I'm tired. Also, I don't originate from the US)

 

 

 

 

[Gokuma]

Just gonna throw some red flags out there to keep an eye out for, to help people avoid trouble not worth their time and your emotional investment.   While I'll be referring to mostly women due to personal experience and seeing pieces of crap that betrayed and used and ripped off good friends of mine,  a good woman friend of mine was badly abused by a piece of shit "man" (more like 40 year old emo boy but totally criminal) that fits plenty of this crap.   Fortunately he's in prison now for what he did.   She actually protected him for a while, keeping friends from dealing with him.   Substitute whichever genders or pronouns you deem appropriate.

 

Shape-shifting Narcissists:  Their highest priority is image and what people think of them.   They'll be perfectly polite to people they rant about behind their backs, then take everything out on one person in private.   Some slick ones will act like they don't care about being offensive but are very careful to only be so-called offensive around groups of people who won't actually be offended by whichever act.   They'll say things to make you look bad in front of others and get really abusive in private.   Verbally, physically, and manipulatively.   When trying to get with you in the first place, consider how much they're saying what they just think you want to hear.   See how quick they're not into what they acted totally enthusiastic or into.   Watch out for someone that habitually makes you two late for your things or seeing your family and gets you to leave early (especially if they're compulsively early to their own things). Sometimes they're remorseless.   Sometimes they feel guilty as shit being around family or friends of someone they're treating like shit.

 

Hypocritical sadists who enjoy and laugh at other's suffering but totally lose their shit over the slightest inconvenience to themselves, such as 30 some year old woman screaming and crying like a three year old over literal snowflakes falling from the sky when she doesn't even have a regular job she has to drive to.   Like it doesn't happen every year.

 

Electra Complexes, their accompanying manifestations, and any woman attracted to her own dad.   Even if the guy fortunately isn't all Alabama 100 about it and just wants someone to take his crazy daughter off his hands, you will always be competing with him and she will take out ALL her frustration on YOU.  If she ever calls her own dad, a silver fox....  RUN!!!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electra_complex

 

Women or someone who doesn't drive.   Playing taxi all the time gets really freaking old.   This is a task that needs to be shared.

 

Someone with no job.   Elite pigs and greedy boomers systematically took everything for themselves and made it so one income (usually most often) can't support a family anymore.   Beware of someone with not even a regular part time job.    Too many woman on welfare around me, even ones that don't have kids.   If a woman has actually lost custody of any kid (while women are almost always favored by the courts), it's a REAL bad sign.   RUN!!!

 

Women who jump from living situation to living situation.   Users.

 

Boomas or someone who turns into a booma.   See urbandictionary.com , slang meaning of first definition (Arabic origin, however I strongly disagree with how women are treated in most of those nations).  Telltale signs: At some point they decide everything you say is wrong.   They refuse or shoot down anything that's your idea whether something to do for good time or advice.   Even if you ask them if they're going to take their own advice, they make a same stupid mistake, even hurting themselves, just to spite you (I'm talking things so stupid as refusing to take even a few minutes break from shoveling snow so she isn't lying on the couch moaning about her back later.   Guess what the later result is every time while I paced myself in shoveling way more snow total at both our places).    Could also be a twisted sense of self-empowerful, making problems that don't need to be and creating drama.

 

Untrustworthy Liars (and probably shapeshifting narcissists as well): Pay attention how much they lie or exaggerate or alter stories just to sound good when talking to others or to serve their own benefits while you know otherwise about what's true.   If you're honest, you only have to remember one story, the true one.

 

This falls under previous complexes but notice if they get just plain irrationally mad at you for things you had nothing to do with or no control over or even how quick you can over after working your normal job.   Look out for if they purposely neglect to give you vital information and then blame you.

 

Anyone who shows signs of just plain being psychotic.

 

There will always be double standards but beware of extreme hypocrites.   Some whackjobs even manage to establish triple standards in mind-rupturing ways.    Might not want to try imagining how, but you'll probably know it when you see it.   Especially with a fullbore textbook Electra complex.   Or the male version would be an Oedipus Complex.   I have no idea what you call a same-sex version of either of those.    It doesn't matter.   They're all messed up.

 

Anyone with the above problems is likely very selfish and a really dishonest, disingenuous excuse for a person.   Watch out for perfect storms of multiple major problems.   And when you call them on blatant lies they're spouting, they get really angry and violent.   Fortunately I've never suffered an all out violent physical attack from a woman (like Johnny Depp has), but I did get banged in the head with an SUV door, kicked a couple times in the leg, and the whackjob repeatedly kicked the couch right by my head with her boots as close as she could come to hitting me without directly doing so.   I should have expected something when I patched holes in her walls early in the relationship.  Pointlessly mean shoves are a sign of this, but restraining herself somewhat.   But she was pretty sick about tearing into my back with her nails when we used to have an otherwise real good time.   It crosses my mind, my being a champion fighter might possibly have discouraged some physical attacks.

 

Also in general with ordinary friendships OR relationships, look out for people who will distrust a very trustyworthy friend they've known for years in favor on some sketchy person they've only known more recently.   Some (or actually a lot of) people just have a tendency to turn on on those they're familiar with and/or are easily manipulated themselves, often by someone coming into the picture behind your back.   Some women jump from relationship to relationship looking to trade up.   It's hilarious when they realize they guessed way wrong and traded way down but screwed things totally up and burned a perfectly good bridge.  A good relationship should also be a great friendship.   Sometimes it seems like it is when it isn't, if you're missing major red flags.   Sometimes karma plays out poetically and two scumbags are stuck making each other miserable, while someone who seemed to get burned is actually much better off being away from some piece of crap.

 

Have the strength to walk away from someone who's not worth any more pain.   Even savor the look on their face when you calmly walk away from them and they see what all their disgusting headgames amounted to, what they've lost and didn't deserve in the first place.

 

There's some people that you can just tell are genuinely good and really don't want to lie or be deceptive or do screwed up things to people.   Unfortunately they're usually already with someone.  So good luck.

Edited February 4, 2020 by Gokuma

[Asking4Id]

Never date somebody just because your friend recommended them. Your friend doesn't know them well enough.

[Seeker_of_Truth]

2 hours ago, Leninova said:

I mean, I care much more about someone's personality than the look, or what he's interested in, rather how many chicks he has had before me or how hot he is on the scale. I looked for a companion for life instead of any one-night stands.

 

Then, I had to realize, almost nobody wants to be in a relationship. Why would anyways anyone waste his time on a complex girl like me if he can get easily other kind of girls for certain things? While I'm also not 10/10 (not even close to 5 LOL)? In this case, I'm worthless.

This is me, or has been me in the past. I've always looked for someone who I could spend my life with, especially now as I'm into my 30s. Maybe it's just in the places I've looked, but it's not as common as I would have thought. Don't sell yourself short though. The last girl I dated was complex (she had some kind of non-lethal cancer), and yes, ultimately I believe it's why she broke up with me (as she wanted to focus on her health and not be in a relationship), and she wasn't exactly a "looker" as you would describe it, but it also comes as a learning experience. I've learned things about myself from being with her, and that's not something I would take back. I've had negative thoughts about myself in the past, especially about body image, but these last few years have changed how I think about myself, so I'm more positive than I used to be. Ultimately you just have to keep in mind, in a world with 7 billion people, there's undoubtedly someone out there for all of us. If we put ourselves out there enough, it will happen.

 

(Sorry, I feel like this rambles a bit. I have a headache right now, so I'm just going with it).

Edited February 4, 2020 by Seeker_of_Truth
Spacing

[Master O]

What a depressing thread.

 

Also, this thread's theme song:

 

 

Edited February 4, 2020 by Master O

[TwinBeast]

I have a kind of maybe crush on my best friend. Every time I hug her, I squeeze her real tight. Then when I was together with my ex for 2 months, I didn't know what I was feeling, but did cry when she broke up. And that reminds me that I need to be working together with her on valentine's day. I keep thinking that's going to be awkward. This ex could have also been a friend, but trying to make it more, just made it fall apart. Now kinda uncertain what to do with my best friend.

All the men who have approached me for some kind of relationship have been creepy. My former friends also fell into that creepy territory when they grabbed some of my intimate places without my permission. One of them used to be my best friend, and I also used to have a crush on him. Eventually that feeling faded away with our life paths going in totally different ways.

Tinder has sucked a lot. Haven't met anyone there. Was going to meet someone, but they cancelled due to having some kind of vomiting sickness. I waited for them to tell when they're no longer sick, but never got more messages after that. Maybe some other kind of system would work better for finding dates online.

If I go dance into a bar full of 20 year olds, pretty much none of them have any interest in me. In new years eve I went to dance into a bar with like +30 year olds, and suddenly I was interesting and a bunch of guys approached me on the dancefloor throughout the night. Rejected everyone, except took the same bus with some married neighbour who wanted sex with me, an offer which I also rejected. Maybe it would have been easier to get to know someone with playing pool in some other kind of bar.

[Chezza]

@Leninova Don't change, your standards are good. But damn you for calling me a pussy. I'm shy and don't like rejection is all.

 

@Gokuma Interesting segmentation. I can put a few faces on these.

 

@printz I respect the way you network although personally I'm too lazy to do outdoor activities.