The night before DOOM

[vanilla_d00m]

I explored this Ultimate DOOM PC CD-ROM disc I have by id software and noticed a poem upon the release of this game in this one faq, I didn't know about it untill now.  I didn't even know it was release around christmas month either  It's a new find.. they really do mean it when they say "We hope you enjoy you're copy of DOOM... we enjoyed making it for you" by just reading this poem.

 

Is ap641 (Hank Leukart ) part of the making of DOOM though??  

 

***Copy & Pasted FAQ Poem From A  Genuine copy of DOOM***

 

 T H E  N I G H T  B E F O R E   *-D-*-*-O-*-*-O-*-*-M-*
            Written by: Hank Leukart (ap641@cleveland.freenet.edu)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

                         `Twas the night before DOOM,
                          and all through the house,
                   I had set up my multi-playing networks,
                              each with a mouse.
                          The networks were strung,
                           with extra special care
                             in hopes that DOOM,
                             soon would be there.
              The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
             while visions of demons danced through their heads.
                 And my computer's processor it was so quick,
                      boy was I glad I bought that 486.
             When out on the Internet there was a Usenet posting,
                I dialed right in to see what it was boasting.
                 Off to the news reader I flew like a hound,
                 "Oh no," I cried!  The news reader was down!
                 Frustrated, bewildered, feeling really low,
              I leaned back to see what I heard out the window.
                When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
                  but a group of 6 cars, driving 60 I fear!
                With a big young driver, just look at him go!
                 I knew in a moment, it must be John Romero!
                 Over the speed limit, his band of cars came,
            And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
                           "Now, Jay! Now, John!
                            Now, Dave and Kevin!
                           On, Adrian! On, Sandy!
                           On, Shawn and Robert!"
                         To the top of the driveway!
                             Don't hit that wall!
             Now stop your car, stop your car, stop your car all!
                    Leaving the car, he entered the house,
                Walking quietly, so as to not wake the spouse.
           He was dressed in a T-shirt, and a a pair of jeans too,
                   I was unsure of what he was going to do.
                   Boxes of DOOM he had flung on his back,
             and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
         Those boxes - how they sparkled!  The shrink-wrap so tight!
          The character was drawn on the front, just ready to fight!
                The Chain Saw and Shotgun he held in his hand,
              Where was the BFG9000?: The best gun in the land.
                   And then I saw it, strapped to his back,
                Along with a copy of the "Official" DOOM FAQ!
                A wink of John's eye and a twist of his head,
                 Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
             He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
            Installed it on the network, then turned with a jerk.
                      And placing a hand into his jeans,
                   out came his keys - oh how they gleamed!
             He sprang to his car, to the id team gave a whistle,
         and away they all drove, like DOOM's launching of a missile.
             But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
                 "DEMONS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A HELLISH NIGHT!"
 

 

If you didn't know about it, post it here.  I had only rented DOOM on snes in the 90s, I had only the PSX version of doom for a while and some n64 doom rented too.  This FAQ only comes on the floppy disk MS-DOS or CD-ROM copies of this game right??

 

 

 

 

Edited July 1, 2020 by vanilla_d00m

[Chow Yun Thin]

I just checked my CD copy of Ultimate Doom and holy shit, I never even noticed the FAQ came with it. I definitely remember reading the FAQ on the Doom Companion CD (basically shareware Doom with a bunch of utilities and pics). And yeah, that poem got me hyped up reading it on a December night long after the game released. I don't think Hank had a hand in making Doom, though. Just the pretty cool FAQ.

 

Now I'm remembering a part where he suggests playing Doom in real life with real guns and real items, but dismisses the idea because a Band-Aid does nothing to a shotgun blast to the gut. He also suggests covering an ugly cousin in paint to cosplay a possible monster from the game.

[Chip]

that is a crappy poem, but an amazing find. I'm surprised this was never popular. Bethesda can use it during Christmas for challenges and stuff. Great Job @vanilla_d00m

[fraggle]

There are a whole bunch of these in the Doom Insanity text file that was originally part of the Doom FAQ before being split out into its own file.

[ZeroTheEro]

I remember reading this when I was looking around the DOOM FAQ included with the shareware disc that had Doom in it, at the very young age of 5. 

It made me giggle. 

And I think I read it before the split iirc.

[Eurisko]

Reading that made me feel all festive.

[CyberDreams]

Wow, the Doom Insanity text file has a John Bobbitt joke! You can definitely tell it's from another time.

 

Some of these are sort of interesting too. In a way the early days of the internet weren't that different from today w/ people telling jokes and making stories and what not. Nowadays we just do it through voice (discord) or twitter/facebook instead.