Jokes Thread

[P41R47]

A tibetan monk took his dicipline to the extreme.
He spent 33 years meditating at the top of a mountain.
For years, he tried to contact the forces of nature and the universe.
And the day after 33 years of his meditation, the monk realise he is hungry.
With a lot of effort the monk come down from the mountain and goes into a nearby town.

Everythin is new to him, but the smell of food lead him to a mart.

The clerk saw the skinny monk entering and before the poor monk saids anything, the clerk said him:
been meditating? you seem hungry? want a sandwich?
The monk asked the clerk the same thing he was meditating during all these 33 long years:
make me one with everything.

Edited September 18, 2021 by P41R47

[Jello]

23 hours ago, Caffeine Freak said:

@Jello I remember telling that joke to friends well over a decade ago. For some reason, I had forgotten about it until now. 😂

 

I'll let the late, great Norm Macdonald take this one:

 

 

 

 

I'm going to miss Norm. Such a crap joke, but it's still funny. Really his sense of humor reminds me of my Dad and uncles on my paternal side of the family. Dry, sarcastic, bad, annoying, irritating, funny as hell if you get it.

 

And yeah, my Dad told me the Duck joke almost 20 years ago, and I've been torturing people with it ever since. But I will always remember that joke, and my reaction to it. I put my hand on my forehead and said "Oh my God, that joke was so fucking terrible" while laughing my ass off.

[BrutalDoomisAwesome]

2 drums and a symbol fall off a cliff.

 

 

[Murdoch]

I just remembered this one. Don't ask why. Funny story to go with it.

 

Why is pubic hair curly? Because if it was straight it would poke your eyes out.

 

Rewind back to the dim distant past of maybe 1988, give or take a year. Wee 8 some year old Joel is reading that joke on a sheet of jokes his mother stuck up in the toilet. For some reason some people enjoyed putting silly things up in their toilets in New Zealand back then. Needless to say i was rather baffled. "What is pubic hair? Is it a mistake? Is it public hair? No that makes no sense."

 

It wasn't until some years later i remembered it for whatever reason, had a hearty chuckle at it, then laughed even harder remembering my naive young mind's confused attempt to make sense of it.

Edited September 29, 2021 by Murdoch

[DynamiteKaitorn]

Might not be a joke but it's a classic:

Spoiler

 

 

[⇛Marnetmar⇛]

There exists a coffee drink called an affogato, which is espresso poured over ice cream.

 

Wanna know why it's called an affogato?

 

Spoiler

I don't remember: affogato bout it

 

[snapshot]

my favorite part of hey there delilah is when he explains to her the concept of transportation

 

country is so messed up nobody even leaves a pie to cool by the window anymore

Edited October 23, 2021 by sluggard

[CBM]

one prisoner to another... so why did you go to jail?

I tried to make some money by doing a porn movie!

Really? what went wrong?

I tried to pay for 2 girls and 1 cop.

[jupiter_ex]

Two I remember right now:

 

Why is it you will never die of starvation in the desert?

Because of the sand-which-is-there

 

-Honey you should quit smoking, it will kill you. Didn't you see the warning on the pack?
-Honey, I'm a programmer, we never pay attention to warnings, only to errors

 

 

 

and also this site

[7Mahonin]

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

You.

You who?

You, idiot! 

[HumanBean]

Wanna hear a joke about cliffhangers? Ok 

Knock Knock

Whos there

 

 

[SilverMiner]

two addicts under the fence:

- Why your stream murmurs and mine doesn't?

- Cuz you piss on my pants and I piss on your shoes

[scalliano]

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Four - one to change it and the other three to say, "I could do that!"

[OniriA]

*PfffrrRRRRrrrrrrtt!!!* 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry, I just farted.

Edited July 7, 2023 by OniriA

[Project H]

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday

 

"Aye matey!"

Edited July 7, 2023 by Project H

[OniriA]

If I started farting on people..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There'd be none of ya left.

[P_A_Z]

What is the difference between an ostrich and an wardrobe?
 

Spoiler

An ostrich is a bird and a wardrobe is a furniture.

 

 

[BrutalDoomisAwesome]

What does Willie Nelson, Plains and Gas prices have in common?

 

Spoiler

Their always high.