Get It Off Your Chest

[ReeseJamPiece]

Basically what the title says, just say what you gotta say.

 

I'll start:

 

Lately, I've been feeling low. I'm not the smartest or cheeriest of people and I don't really do much. All I seem to do is take and take with no real purpose. Things aren't as fun as they used to be and I don't really know what to do.

[HorrorMovieRei]

Honestly, I don't enjoy making gameplay mods anymore and I just wanna quit, but I have a lot of pending projects I have to finish. Specially now that Decorate is on it's way out in favor of Zscript, I feel like even if I finish what I set out to do, it won't have a long shelf life anyhow. I could probably just disappear and leave everything unfinished. I'm not that big of a name in the community, and my social ineptitude and anxiety has ensured that after 7 or 8 years making mods for Doom I've built exactly zero connections, so I don't think there's any sort of pressure for me to commit to anything. However, I have this weird sense of pride where not only do not wanna leave what I started unfinished, I also want it to be perfect.

So, I'm pretty much stuck in this little personal hell of needing to finish a billion projects I no longer enjoy doing, for an audience of no one in particular, just so by the end of it I can say I did it, but not feel particularly accomplished in anything. Basically no one cares but me. Only reason I even feel comfortable posting this here at all is because I spent so much time here in the past, and because oldschool internet forums feel less "personal" nowadays.

[seed]

2 hours ago, ReeseJamPiece said:

Lately, I've been feeling low. I'm not the smartest or cheeriest of people and I don't really do much. All I seem to do is take and take with no real purpose.

 

This part applies to me for now, last week felt pretty underwhelming all things considered for similar reasons.

[Vic Vos]

*inhales*

 

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Halfblind]

I am getting very very tired of seeing these 4 things in video games. Plus 1 bonus at the end.

 

1. Roblox, Roblox, Roblox. Quit making games inspired by Roblox. Children never play them like the game is designed, because they play it to do stupid crap. My library internet is always bogged down with all the computers taken by children playing it. If you like this game I am sorry I'm just getting tired of seeing it all the time.

 

2. Solid colored textured polygons in many video games these days. It only looks nice because they put many different colors in the maps and spruce them up with engine hacks like lighting and gloss. I'm beginning to miss the old hand crafted detailed textured that people created before ultra minimalism became rampant. I actually like minimalism if it's done right just look at Intrude.

 

3. Minecraft clones and environments made of "voxels". Minecraft is a great game and a great idea. It is a masterpiece of programming which allows children and adults alike to use their creativity. It is far better than the two concepts mentioned above. There is a few great games that use the concept, but what I hate is how saturated the market is with similar games of much lesser quality. Many of them don't even use voxels.

 

4. Remade games and maps that are worse than the original. I thought the Pico-8 Doom game Poom was a great piece of programming genius but the game inspired by Chasm: The Rift, Perilous Warp looks really bad to me. When making a map or game inspired by another I think it is best to keep enough of the original to create nostalgia but deviate enough to make it fresh, new and exciting. I would prefer spending my time exploring a new map or environment than revisiting an existing place that I've already been if it's worse than the original. To me It is more exciting to play a level I've never seen before or to find a secret in an old map that I've never found before. I just hate finding games that rip off another.

 

Bonus. When playing a new map I always play on easy. If the map sucks it would make me feel bad if I died on a harder difficulty. If I liked the map I would play it another day on a harder difficulty to keep it fresh and new. Sometimes if I die on a map that I like I might find a secret that I didn't notice before which makes it so much better.

[almostmatt1]

I live with pretty bad chronic pain and maintaining the willpower to avoid painkillers has become increasing difficult over the second half of this year, not the least because of a lot of social isolation and general mental difficulties of being stuck indoors. One thing that made dealing with mental health stuff much easier was hanging out with my housemates dog all the time while stuck at home, the sweetest little animal I've ever known. 2 days ago that dog died in my arms.

[alps]

3 hours ago, almostmatt1 said:

I live with pretty bad chronic pain and maintaining the willpower to avoid painkillers has become increasing difficult over the second half of this year, not the least because of a lot of social isolation and general mental difficulties of being stuck indoors. One thing that made dealing with mental health stuff much easier was hanging out with my housemates dog all the time while stuck at home, the sweetest little animal I've ever known. 2 days ago that dog died in my arms.

everyone knows, a dog is a man's best friend.

 

4 years ago we had one, on a holiday, during night time, him and a wolf got into a fight, and died. i still remember him.

[seed]

I wish I were luckier to meet more eccentric folks in real life.

 

Most people I tend to run into IRL tend to absolutely bore me to tears, which truly makes me see "being normal" a curse in disguise in certain ways. Though I'm often pushed in the opposite direction and that just makes living even less interesting and more frustrating than its already become for me.

 

I'm not looking for something highly specific though, that hasn't always turned out quite well, someone who just has that unconventional spark kindled would be enough. It's more difficult to put it into words tbh.

Edited December 15, 2020 by seed

[UncleTito]

I've taken essentially a semester off because of 2020 and just academic burnout piling on top; I have 2 deadlines for the 18th from like last year that I still need to hand in and I haven't started working on any of those. Like I just can't make myself motivated to start doing anything; I'm more content sitting at home and watching people set cars on fire outside my window, than, well, doing anything university related. Maybe I'm just addicted to social media too much, idk.

[Cruduxy Pegg]

1 hour ago, UncleTito said:

I've taken essentially a semester off because of 2020 and just academic burnout piling on top; I have 2 deadlines for the 18th from like last year that I still need to hand in and I haven't started working on any of those. Like I just can't make myself motivated to start doing anything; I'm more content sitting at home and watching people set cars on fire outside my window, than, well, doing anything university related. Maybe I'm just addicted to social media too much, idk.

Kinda of a similar situation. Took a semester off to focus on work.. And now I am doing everything over prioritizing finishing the thesis.. Pretty much everything is done but I have 0% drive to write any of it in the boring ass documentation to finish it.

[Nevander]

I wanted to be more social and active this year, but then COVID happened. Thanks world.

[P41R47]

25 minutes ago, Nevander said:

I wanted to be more social and active this year, but then COVID happened. Thanks world.

maybe its a sign that you don't need to do it :P

 

as for me i'm so used to the bad things that nothing surprise me anymore.

And good things or things done without double intentions are so strange and rare by today that those are the only thing that sometime surprise me. Nice little surprises for certain.

[Sunnyfruit]

Did you know that even when you end up vainquishing your demons, they still stay your demons?

[seed]

3 hours ago, UncleTito said:

I've taken essentially a semester off because of 2020 and just academic burnout piling on top; I have 2 deadlines for the 18th from like last year that I still need to hand in and I haven't started working on any of those. Like I just can't make myself motivated to start doing anything; I'm more content sitting at home and watching people set cars on fire outside my window, than, well, doing anything university related. Maybe I'm just addicted to social media too much, idk.

 

Same here too. I've got plenty of difficult exams to pass and I think I have opened up my notebooks, notes, and courses like... 3 times this whole semester.

 

I have struggled to do much work college related, and almost everything else, I've not enjoyed much productivity in a while. I've not even streamed for half an year, wanted to do it a few times recently but I stopped a few times right after opening OBS...

 

To add insult to injury, I've also got an anxiety episode earlier today, felt as if blood froze right in my veins, and for a stupid reason no less ;( .

[BlueThunder]

As bad as this year has been for everyone, I hope next year isn't worse otherwise we will be wishing it was 2020 again.

[seed]

3 minutes ago, BlueThunder said:

As bad as this year has been for everyone, I hope next year isn't worse otherwise we will be wishing it was 2020 again.

 

Which would be just as bad tbh, because it would mean stagnation then.

[Nekr0s1s]

- Ultraman Z is awesome and i'm looking forward to watch the series finale this friday. I never really been into the franchise at all, (Back in the day, i only watched a few episodes from both the original 1966 series and Ultraman Tiga.) but the latest entry really changed my mind.

 

- What's the point in celebrating the new year when things seem to get worse? I got really sad last week just from thinking about it.

 

- Is there anything worth watching on Netflix? as in, that hasn't fallen victim to gender politics/woke culture? i'm really considering cancelling my subscription for good.

 

[BlueThunder]

5 minutes ago, seed said:

 

Which would be just as bad tbh, because it would mean stagnation then.

 

Things are already getting stagnant as it is.  I hope it doesnt carry on for too much longer but i think this is all gonna last longer then anyone wants to admit. 

[BlueThunder]

 

2 minutes ago, Nekr0s1s said:

 Is there anything worth watching on Netflix? as in, that hasn't fallen victim to gender politics/woke culture? i'm really considering cancelling my subscription for good.

 

 

the Queens Gambit was surprisingly good.  People that dont understand Chess that I know enjoyed it.  

[Swordofdanu]

Fuck Xmas if you work in retail. 

[mrthejoshmon]

There's people I care about, people I want to know as great friends and would lay down my life for, people I platonically love like brothers/sisters in my life that will forget who I am.

 

There are wonderful excellent people I want to be around that will simply cease to see me, in fact I'll never see some people again, one of my greatest friends is gone now and I'll never see them again and that only bothers me, they've no interest in keeping in touch, they were my dude they were my guy, they know more about me than anyone on the planet and I will be nothing more than a faded memory at best.

 

The realisation that I can be anything from the closest friend to just an acquaintance to only be forgotten about entirely is disheartening yet eye opening, it makes sense that you will, for all intensive purposes, stop existing. People have 101 more important things than to think of or engage with me, lives need to lived and bills paid, jobs worked, families to maintain, troubles to fight ect...

 

It hurts but I need to move on, no looking back, always forward, world ain't gonna stop so I can cry about it so stiff upper lip and move it. Count what you have now, don't count what you don't/no longer have.

[Pechudin]

I started doing many hobbies this year, running, making videos and cooking more often but it just feels like I am trying to throw stuff at a wall because I feel like I have no direction in life at this moment. Not that I do not like those things though.

 

And then I realize there are many people is similar situation that do NOT have a supporting family and some friends. Counting my blessings.

[JustCallMeKaito]

I haven't felt motivated to do anything with my life since 2015, when I realized that everything is pointless. Why bother?

When I die, it's just a harsh, pitch black void for eternity. Nothing I do can change that, even if I change my life.

After maybe a year, people will forget my name, and in time, those who once knew me will also die. Eventually,

humanity will go extinct, the planet will become barren, and the sun will vaporize our planet, leaving no trace that

anything was ever here. Everything is ultimately pointless, and nothing we do will leave any kind of impact.

 

I've spent far too many nights staring at the ceiling with this shit running through my head.

[whybmonotacrab]

I hate having Bipolar disorder, and I hate how hard it was to get treatment for it. I hate how many friends I've lost because I was a complete asshole when I was in my manic states, and I hate how many opportunities I've missed because of my depressive spirals. I hate how expensive remaining stable is, and I hate feeling like I'm a burden to the people I care about.

 

 Outside of that, I hate how many people lack empathy. No one cares about other people at all, and they're super quick to judge. "Fuck you, got mine" is all too common a sentiment.

[DNSKILL5]

I seem to not only be stuck in the past, but left in the past as well. This year has made it very obvious to myself that this is the case as I’ve been more isolated this year alone than I’ve ever been before.

 

I have like 4 friends, and only see 2 of them regularly. All of my internet friends eventually disappear, so I don’t tend to think about that anymore. I don’t really feel close with anyone here, either. I mean, people are nice and I have no issues with anybody, but I just feel it will always be acquaintances and I’ll just be an acquaintance to everyone else. I just don’t know how to really connect with people I guess. I tend to get in these fits where I just want total isolation and it’s getting worse and worse.  
 

Dealing with college during this pandemic has also been very hard, and honestly I don’t even see the point in going anymore but know I need that fancy document so I can even be considered for employment. I have no friends there either and everyone in my classes just irritate me. I’m either much older or just too different in terms of personality to get along with anyone there. 
 

I mean, this year has sucked, but really ever since about 2015 my life has gone downhill one issue after the next. I am glad that my last relationship has been over since 2017, but I often think how much better my life would’ve been had I just went straight to college after high school instead of fucking around with a girlfriend for 3 years. I’m not blaming her, but I do think I would’ve made smarter choices had I not met her or thought with the right head. I’d have more friends probably, too. 
 

I just hope something changes soon, something gives me some motivation to keep pushing forward and not just dwell in the pain. 

[Grazza]

3 hours ago, JustCallMeKaito said:

Eventually, humanity will go extinct, the planet will become barren, and the sun will vaporize our planet, leaving no trace that anything was ever here. Everything is ultimately pointless, and nothing we do will leave any kind of impact.

Aha, quantum mechanics can help you out with this problem!

 

It basically states that all information is preserved, as a fundamental unbreakable law of how the universe works. So in some form, everything is recorded in the fabric of space-time until the very end of time. Neat, eh?

 

If you're thinking "quantum mechanics is just a theory", it's a theory that has passed every test, and upon which such things as modern electronics are based. It will surely be refined, but it basically appears valid.

 

Technical mumbo-jumbo:

Quote

A fundamental postulate of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics is that complete information about a system is encoded in its wave function up to when the wave function collapses. The evolution of the wave function is determined by a unitary operator, and unitarity implies that information is conserved in the quantum sense.

 

There are also recent developments with respect to that black-hole paradox. Though frankly I think most physicists always suspected that quantum mechanics was right, and it was our understanding of black holes that was lacking.

 

"So, can we have your liver then?"

 

Edited December 16, 2020 by Grazza

[Halfblind]

First I am so sorry and heartbroken for all of you who suffer from a chronic physical or mental illness. It saddens me to the deepest reaches of my soul. I too suffer from an invisible illness.

 

Doctors won't give me answers, won't tell me what's wrong nor give me a diagnosis outside of a mental illness. COVID has made it even harder for doctors to listen to my concerns.

 

In a nutshell, I suffer from chronic fatigue, pain, blood sugar issues, seizures and stomach problems. I was diagnosed with an infection of an evil bacteria called H. Pylori which can make you very sick. After eradicating the infection I now feel so much worse.

 

I also have a silver amalgam filling which contains 50% mercury, which is a known neurotoxin and immunosuppressant. Removal and replacement is not covered through insurance in the states and I don't know how to get the money to cover the cost.

 

I was born rather flexible to where it is causing a few other health issues. I believe I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome or another hyper-mobility disorder. I won't be able to get assesed for this unless doctors start listening to me.

 

I also have depression an anxiety disorder and I might have Asperger's syndrome. I am waiting for testing for that too. It took me a long time to get the doctors to believe me about that too.

 

I can't take medications for most of my health issues because they make me violently I'll. I found out through GeneSight that I am genetically unable to take most antidepressants, beta blockers, acid reducing meds, opiates, and dopamine targeting medications. I am frustrated, because now I don't know what to do to help me feel better.

 

The worst thing about all this isn't dealing with the physical nor mental health issues but dealing with how people treat me and how no one is willing to listen. Many people with chronic physical/mental health issues and autism are treated horribly by many who don't. I wish doctors would listen and people would treat us better.

[DesecratorJ]

3 hours ago, Gerolf said:

I seem to not only be stuck in the past, but left in the past as well. This year has made it very obvious to myself that this is the case as I’ve been more isolated this year alone than I’ve ever been before.

 

I have like 4 friends, and only see 2 of them regularly. All of my internet friends eventually disappear, so I don’t tend to think about that anymore. I don’t really feel close with anyone here, either. I mean, people are nice and I have no issues with anybody, but I just feel it will always be acquaintances and I’ll just be an acquaintance to everyone else. I just don’t know how to really connect with people I guess. I tend to get in these fits where I just want total isolation and it’s getting worse and worse.  
 

Dealing with college during this pandemic has also been very hard, and honestly I don’t even see the point in going anymore but know I need that fancy document so I can even be considered for employment. I have no friends there either and everyone in my classes just irritate me. I’m either much older or just too different in terms of personality to get along with anyone there. 
 

I mean, this year has sucked, but really ever since about 2015 my life has gone downhill one issue after the next. I am glad that my last relationship has been over since 2017, but I often think how much better my life would’ve been had I just went straight to college after high school instead of fucking around with a girlfriend for 3 years. I’m not blaming her, but I do think I would’ve made smarter choices had I not met her or thought with the right head. I’d have more friends probably, too. 
 

I just hope something changes soon, something gives me some motivation to keep pushing forward and not just dwell in the pain. 

Interesting thoughts, I can actually relate to that fairly well. I don't usually like to review myself or my situation in life but yeah, having only a few select friends and loosing a bunch of them over the years is something I came to the conclusion that those people were just not worthy of being kept in touch with. I have no social life at all probably since the last three years or so. Cannot say that i've been trying hard though. However, I did try to talk to some people and it did work but like I said above, I always end up stopping the contacts because of my lack of interest in having social conversation with these people.

 

I went (rather forced I may say) to school in order to have some degree of consideration to get a job without even finishing high school. Not because I was shit at school, but because I had absolutely no motivation to pursue. Imagine yourself at 22-23 years old at a school with 12-16 years old kids around, I was pissed off the whole time I was doing my degree I was speaking to maybe a couple of individuals within my group, but that's it.

 

A bit like you said, I got out of my sole relationship I ever had back in 2014, so 6 years ago already. That was probably the worst plague I ever got into actually. Loosing my friends at the time and fucking around with this girl was pretty much just life experience but surrounded by shit and gave some sort of bad influence in regards to decision taking for me. Once out, I realized how much time i've been wasting and that I should have left long before that to actually do something valuable in life rather than being down on my knees and being a slave. Afterwards, I had probably the best time in my whole life a couple of years ago with real old buddies of mine. 

 

This year though, hasn't only been shit, but the worst ever for me. Without even mentioning the lockdown consequences with the pandemic situation that made me isolated even more than I was before, I got into the hospital directly in January to start the year for health issues, and got a surgery in March, which I thought would have resolved my issues. But nope, now It's been 6 months and I'm still enduring a nearly constant pain that I cannot get medication for because pandemic had all my health tracking with doctors in hiatus. I don't know how long I will keep on with this constant pain but I'm getting fucking tired of it.

Edited December 16, 2020 by DesecratorJ

[Chezza]

I'm completely over "politically-minded" people, other than very few exceptions most are bias and doomsayers. They should worry about improving themselves before bitching about the world and speculating everyone's agenda being glorified conspiracy theories.

 

I'm a 'head in the sand' kind of guy who only cares about things that can I can influence or what directly affects me. And yet I feel far more balanced and wiser than people who know the going on far better than myself.

 

To try change the mood a little - I'm happy! I'm very thankful for having a good life with great family / friends, good country, stable job and I feel like I'm gradually improving my life.

Edited December 16, 2020 by Chezza

[Kokoro Hane]

As the year comes to a close, I feel like I am reaching burnout, specifically creative burnout and I have been trying to avoid it. I think I bit off more than I can chew at times for all the things I want to get done before the year is up, but some unexpected things happened. I don't want to disappoint my team with more delays, but I will probably in the next dev update explain I am too close to burnout and will need at least 1 week off, because if I actually hit burnout, I could be outta commission creatively for 4 or more months. I know 'cause it's happened to me before. The biggest fear I have is going on another dev hiatus (which often lasts close to 2 years, it's happened twice in my life), but the one comfort I have is I don't think it'll be that bad and unlike years past, I have been taking steps to actually designates days for myself where I just enjoy not having to worry about anything and have fun (such as playing games, not making them for once, which rekindles my love for making them). I can at least finish a couple more projects before year's end, only because at the closed finished state they are in, but after that, break time... and then I can resume. My advice to anyone interested in indie dev, or any creative hobby / possible career, ALWAYS set time aside for yourself to recharge, it is not selfish in the slightest to do so... I have learnt if I don't, I am not good to anyone, actually I end up worrying people more hahaha. I am still not used to this habit since I always like to put my team first, so giving time so I can recharge can be difficult at times for me since I don't want to fail them, even though I know a lot of them are super cool and understanding.