make a reply here, and get featured in a DOOM wad (locked: annoying spam thread)

[Master O]

thomasthetankengine

[Walter confetti]

What is a Cacodemon?

(A) A pile of miserable secrets

(B) In ancient Latin, "Caco" means "to defecate"

(C) Tomato but flying

Edited June 1, 2023 by Walter confetti

[Kuro_mahoh]

Someone stole my grandpa's lawnmower back in the year 2011

[dasho]

"DOOM was a mistake" - John Carmack

[KubaloBlackMT]

[wertercatt]

"PROTIP: To defeat the Cyberdemon, shoot at it until it dies." - Andrew 'Linguica'  Stine, 2004

[Shakariki Heisenberg]

YO MISTA WHITE THAT GUY JUST COMPLETED SCYTHE BLINDFOLDED ON NIGHTMARE YO

Edited June 1, 2023 by Shakariki Heisenberg

[Nikku4211]

yo doomguy

 

helscome to the doom wad

[ChippiHeppu]

Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?

[june gloom]

homophobia was invented by the British in the 19th century to sell more moustache wax

[URROVA]

fun fact: great music bands like metallica, pantera, etc. were inspired by doom's music to make their own works.

Edited June 1, 2023 by URROVA

[SilverMiner]

Vinaigrette maccaroni coteletti, I'm whole life slim

[DoktorDeth]

"Toll Booth Willie"
 

[Car approaches]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please."
[M1:] "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!"
[M1:] "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a fuckin' idiot!"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:]
"Go fuck yourself you son of a bitch!
I'll come right outta the booth and fuckin' whack ya, you fuckin' prick!"

[Another car approaches]
[M2:] "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?"
[M2:] "Oh, great, great. How much?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."
[M2:] "That's fine. Now should I give you the money,
Or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:]
"Why you fuckin' hard on!
I'll fucking Carlton Fisk yer fuckin' head with a Louise-ville fuckin' slugger!
Whaddya think of that ass fuck!?"

[Another car approaches]
[F1:] "Hi Willie."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?"
[F1:] "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out?
I hear your the best with directions."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well I know my way around New England, I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?"
[F1:] "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way
To drive up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me,
I'd appreciate it, you fuckin' prick."
[Drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "You fuckin' bitch! Fuck you!
You forgot to pay the fuckin' toll you dirty whore!
I'll fuckin' drop you with a boot to the fuckin' skull you cum guzzling queen!"

[Another car approaches]
[M3:] "Hey Willie."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, how are ya?"
[M3:] "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go fuck yourself."
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:]
"Die, you fuckin' prick!
I hope you choke on a fuckin' bottle cap, ya fuckin' son of a fuck!
Eat shit! Eat my shit!"

[Another car approaches]
[Bishop Nelson:] "Hello Willie. Good to see you."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya.
That was quite a sermon you had the other day."
[Bishop Nelson:] "Hey, well I do my best."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop."
[Bishop Nelson:]
"Dollar twenty-five,
Willie. Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job,
You piece of dog shit!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:]
"Ohhh! Have another one, you fuckin' lush!
It's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin' douche bag!"

[Another car approaches]
[M5:] "Hey!"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well hey!"
[M5:] "Yeah, do you want the money,
Or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:]
"Well, I already heard that one you fuckin' unoriginal bastard!
Go suck a cock you piece of fuckin' repeatin' shit!"

[Another car approaches]
[F2:] "Hi."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, hi. How are ya?"
[F2:] "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five."
[F2:] "Here ya go."
[Pays toll]
[F2:] "Thank you."
[Begins to drive off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with that?"
[F2:] "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much."
[Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "And here ya are."
[F2:] "Umm, do you think you could sign it?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, uh... sign it?"
[F2:] "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?"
[Signing receipt]
[F2:]
"Just so I could have proof for my friends that
I met the biggest fuckin' dipshit with the smallest dick alive.
You understand."
[Drives off]
[Crumples up paper]
[Toll Booth Willie:]
"Fuck you, you fuckin' uppity bitch!
I'll fuckin' fuck you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front
Of your fuckin' mothers! You're gonna die, bitch! I'm comin' outta the booth!"
[Opens the door and runs out of the booth]

[Car screeches and hits him]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ooooh! My fuckin' leg!"
[M6:] "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!"
[M7:] "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a dried up stinky dick licker."
[Toll Booth Willie:]
"Why you fuckin' pricks.
I fuckin' hear every fuckin' word yer saying!
When this fuckin' leg heals,
I'm gonna kick you guys new fuckin' assholes! Fuck you, you mother fuckers! Come to the hospital!

[Everyone cussing eachother out]

Edited June 1, 2023 by GreenSlayer

[Noiser]

Doom is not a real 3D game.

Edited June 1, 2023 by Noiser

[Lizardcommando]

Are we still waiting on John Romero to make us his bitch?

[LoatharMDPhD]

// The United States Congress.... (Biggest joke i could thing of)

[Shakariki Heisenberg]

1 minute ago, LoatharMDPhD said:

// The United States Congress.... (Biggest joke i could thing of)

the entire united states> 

[Barry Burton]

No.

[BedrockCastle]

Charles Darwin? More like... Schnarles Warwin. Gottem.

[The BMFG]

i am the reincarnation of wallace breen from half life 2, when aliens eventually come to enslave us all. i will crown myself as earths administrator and theres nothing you people can do about it

[papasrod]

Cacos are ugly

[Bagellio]

bagellio

[JustAthel]

JustAthel, before you start asking for volunteers for your new mega-cool-and-whatnot community megawad project, make sure you have something to show first (previous WADs, experience with project management, etc). Keep in mind we've already seen thousands of awesome community megawad project ideas that fell apart at the seams.

[Test Tickle]

It's true. I saw Linguica at a grocery store in Vancouver the other day. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.