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SSGs and Shotgun Guys - A 3,000 word essay on American McGee's "Underhalls"


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Nicely done, I enjoyed not reading that.

 

In case that wasn't enough Underhalls for you, I recommend reading the text file to Kinetic's UV Max speedrun of the map, which is around 4700 words:

Or listen to Meowgi's reading of it:

 

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Paragraph 1

Sentence 1 is missing an apostrophe for "players"

Sentence 2 is grammatically awkward. Read that aloud to yourself with the commas. The commas make it awkward leading into an "or" statement.

 

Paragraph 2

"Franchises" needs an apostrophe for the possessive.

Sentence 2, again, awkwardly phrased. Instead you could have "Serving as an introduction to combat and other gameplay mechanics, "Mars City Underground: Union Aerospace Subsystems” is equal parts world-building and setup, the sum of its parts an achievement magnitudes higher than it has any right to be." Keep the tenses consistent. Serving/served, has/had etc

 

Paragraph 4

The bracketed statement at the end should be within the second last period, not after it.

 

Paragraph 5

So I've noticed the inconsistent use of italics for map names and game names. Game titles should be italicized, map names in quotation marks.

 

Paragraph 6

The immediate use of commas is unnecessary for the description of the level. A common writing mistake among students is the overzealous use of commas and semi-colons. If it doesn't sound quite right, use other words. "Underhalls is a compact, though at times dark, claustrophobic barrage of close-quarters carnage, ..." Also this first sentence is way too long. Missed the possessive apostrophe again.

 

Now, in the manner of a true teaching assistant, it's about at this point I get bored of giving feedback, give the paper a 8/10, and call it a day.

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Ahh SHIT. Edited the post with some of your feedback. I umm... couldn't decide whether or not I wanted to italicize map names or not, or put 'em in quotations, and pretty much forgot about all that. I'd be quite happy with the 8/10.

 

Reading sentences out loud is actually an awesome bit of advice, I immediately realized what you were saying about the use of commas lol. I'm going to remember that one!

Edited by RonnieJamesDiner

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Underhalls has an effect on me because seemingly every time I finish a MAP01 replacement I immediately start playing MAP02 with whatever I brought over before asking myself what I'm doing and I never have a good answer.

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I never expected to see it, a real Underhalls worshipper. I'm offering you a new home to live in for the rest of your days. 

 

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