I feel ostracised from the community

[Bengaltiger1]

I'm trying my best to produce for Doomworld but lots of ppl who used to share with me have since vanished from my posts. There was one incident where I should never have pm but show patience and humility. I still feel bad about it. I just feel like I don't belong or deserve my place on Doomworld anymore. :( I was so enthusiastic about returning But still feel exactly the same. Perhaps It's my  Autism. 

I joined here simply with the desire to spread joy and learn , but it seems like no matter what I try , it just isn't working. 

Help?

[Dem0nology]

Prob best not to share publicly and talk to a friend in private about this...

[Jepsi]

Just now, Dem0nology said:

Prob best not to share publicly and talk to a friend in private about this...

Agree

[Dreamskull]

First time?

[Major Arlene]

Sooooo ignore the first three unhelpful idiots who have replied to your posts.

 

3 hours ago, Dem0nology said:

Prob best not to share publicly and talk to a friend in private about this...

 

Bud, this is a problem that he is saying he has with posting on DOOMWORLD. so no, I think here is a good place to post it.

 

I will say a forum will give you what you put into it, a quick look at your post history shows a pretty sporadic post frequency over the last year which is why you may be having issues with engagement.

 

The only reason anyone would not have a place on Doomworld is if they're actively rude or hateful towards other members. So no, you're fine. Don't overthink it. this is a highly active forum so there's a lot of stuff that just sort of gets skipped over. it's nothing personal towards you (or anyone really) - it's just sort of a side effect of being on a forum with a large userbase and post count. Also, users will just sometimes leave forums and not go back for a variety of reasons - lack of time, lack of energy to engage, etc. Don't worry too much.

[Lila Feuer]

Autism's kind of a bastard sometimes, I'm high functioning on the spectrum, which is desirable. Judging by Arlene's post I wouldn't worry about or overthink your presence here, just do by you and keep being a part of the community in whatever fashion makes you most comfortable, you don't owe anyone anything.

Edited September 23, 2023 by Lila Feuer

[DNSKILL5]

Don’t treat this as a popularity contest, just have fun, join in on discussions, join community projects, and you will find your place and make friends. The most prominent members typically didn’t get there overnight. 

[Merry Widow]

I agree with Major Arlene. Yes, you are fine. I would like to add that I wish you the best of luck. You ARE important!

[TheMagicMushroomMan]

Here's a little tip, I don't want you to take it the wrong way. In order for you to make friends here, and for people to engage with you, you have to engage with them first. You don't really have that many posts, so most people aren't going to recognize you unless you created something super noteworthy. You don't have to even map or do anything important, just stick around and talk to people more. You'll build up a "reputation" although that's not really what it is, a better term is "recognition". Just participate more and you'll do okay methinks.

 

4 hours ago, Jepsi said:

Agree

 

Maybe learn what a megawad is, or the fact that you can't kick in DOOM, before you start dropping advice for other people.

[Lucius Wooding]

It doesn't look like you've started any additional threads in the past week about the SSG vs regular shotgun, accused the creators of any popular mods of plagiarism, or spouted any literal hate speech. As far as I'm concerned that makes you a top tier poster in my book. It's not a high bar, but plenty of folks are catching it right in the teeth instead of clearing it.

 

I'd say it might be a good time to consider what you want most from this community.

 

If your biggest goal is to learn, then lurking can be the best thing as well as asking useful questions and trying to get hands on experience with whatever you're interested in. You can better yourself a great deal and the people here are usually very helpful and knowledgeable about niche topics. It may not get you much recognition but I've personally benefitted from simply reading a few interesting topics here and there when I'm curious. 

 

If you want to gain a following or clout in the community, then it can be difficult. Participating in open projects or contributing anything steady to the community is probably your best bet. It doesn't matter whether you contribute code, written or video content, or maps; continuing to do so regularly is your best bet to get them noticed more. Personally I'd say you should make the content that feels good to you and don't worry about creating some towering masterpiece. Doing it for yourself and not to please others is probably my biggest takeaway; it may take time for people to appreciate or notice your work with all the other talented creators out there. You can put tons of work into something that gets passed over by the community, that's how it goes sometimes. But eventually you might make some map that blows up and then people look back at your older stuff with new appreciation. Being charismatic and self promoting can help, but ultimately a lot of the talented people in the community don't need to be since their work holds up on its own. Being a positive community member and participating by reviewing and encouraging the works of others also helps, just try and do things your own way and don't worry too much about how you're perceived.

 

Finally, an underrated aspect of forum life is simply the interaction with others and fighting off boredom. For this I'd recommend getting into one of the many public discords, since they'll often be more active than the forums and less formal. I still enjoy using the forums regularly and I like the community as a whole, but I've realized it's better to branch out so I'm not tempted to get involved in every topic. There are a lot of members here but I don't think the majority use the forums as their primary outlet for interaction any more. So if you're interested in socializing I'd certainly recommend finding servers or streams with a bit of a different chemistry going on.

 

Lastly, don't feel like you're forced to produce for Doomworld in order to have any worth. It's simply toxic thinking and many of the most wholesome and supportive community members aren't prolific creators. Liking Doom is enough in itself to be here.

[Caffeine Freak]

Just taking a quick look at your page, you have 15 posts (that I can see) from the last 12 months or so. Don't get me wrong here---there's nothing wrong with that, but no matter how you slice it, that just isn't a lot of activity, especially for a forum that's anywhere near as active as this one is. No matter who you are, people aren't going to take much notice or remember you very much if your posts are that few and far between. If you want people to engage with you more, you just really gotta get in there and get your hands dirty---post on topics and engage with other members, play WADs and mods and offer feedback, or create your own projects.

 

Regarding your Autism, it's *highly* unlikely anyone here can really discern whether you're Autistic just from your posting. This is a forum full of people who are mostly strangers to each other, each with their own insecurities, biases and filters that color their perspectives on the world. Unless you've done something REALLY, TRULY tremendously stupid or cringeworthy (which is unlikely from a posting history like yours) I really wouldn't worry about what other people are thinking of you here.

[Dreamskull]

Go on guys, ostracise him more. Thats what youre good at.

 

You dont get it. Its a quality of person problem. You either have it or you dont. We dont anymore. Things are somewhat different now with the world being the way it is. We tend to forget that, but the feelings remain along with the general state of things. Hows it feel knowing that back then wed rally to inspire this man to get involved instead of providing him with a checklist for things that maybe? How come theres no invitation to something bustling? Did anyone here private message him? How come hes the guy thats gotta measure up to your standard to be a part of the community? Its a bit odd.

Edited September 23, 2023 by Dreamskull

[Major Arlene]

1 minute ago, Dreamskull said:

Go on guys, ostracise him more. Thats what youre good at.

 

You dont get it. Its a quality of person problem. You either have it or you dont. We dont anymore. Things are somewhat different now with the world being the way it is. We tend to forget that, but the feelings remain along with the general state of things. Hows it feel knowing that back then wed rally to inspire this man to get involved instead of providing him with a checklist for things that maybe? How come theres no invitation to something bustling? Did anyone here private message him? How come hes the guy thats gotta measure up to your standard to be a part of the community? Its a bit odd.

literally nothing you say makes any sense and nor is it helpful. he asked, we answered.

[Dreamskull]

You just told the man hes easy to skip over, that you are impersonal and that people disappear all the time so he shouldnt worry about it.

 

Is the problem solved in your mind?

Edited September 23, 2023 by Dreamskull

[Kinsie]

13 minutes ago, Dreamskull said:

Go on guys, ostracise him more. Thats what youre good at.

 

You dont get it. Its a quality of person problem. You either have it or you dont. We dont anymore. Things are somewhat different now with the world being the way it is. We tend to forget that, but the feelings remain along with the general state of things. Hows it feel knowing that back then wed rally to inspire this man to get involved instead of providing him with a checklist for things that maybe? How come theres no invitation to something bustling? Did anyone here private message him? How come hes the guy thats gotta measure up to your standard to be a part of the community? Its a bit odd.

 

6 minutes ago, Dreamskull said:

You just told the man hes easy to skip over, that you are impersonal and that people disappear all the time so he shouldnt worry about it.

 

Is the problem solved in your mind?

 

Bengaltiger1, rest assured that you're doing just fine on account of not being this incoherent weirdo.

[Major Arlene]

11 minutes ago, Dreamskull said:

You just told the man hes easy to skip over, that you are impersonal and that people disappear all the time so he shouldnt worry about it.

That's literally just the way the fucking internet works, dude.

 

Before this thread derails further, let me clarify:

 

developing your online identity requires regular care and posting so you are visible and present. visibility in any community, online or offline, requires being present on a consistent basis. that was the first part of my original reply.

 

the second part of my reply is the offline part of people's identity. people do not spend their entire lives online, nor should they be expected to. and people's interests change over time. for example, I no longer use tumblr because I no longer hold the interests that tumblr holds in high regard. this is before considering people spent a LOT more time online during the pandemic and now they are no longer able to do so.

 

like, stop taking every person's posts at the worst faith interpretation. please. it's unhelpful. for everyone.

EDIT: my original post was not an attempt to talk down to anyone. but as someone with a probable social media addiction and a lot of bad online experiences, I believe in some pragmatism in online habits. obviously that's not as easily manageable for everyone but there's no harm in trying, yeah?

Edited September 23, 2023 by Major Arlene
clarification

[Dreamskull]

Okay, so lets actually fix the problem then. I'll go to war for the man, will you?

 

@Bengaltiger1 what would you like to see from the community? I sure as heck dont want to see the community make demands of you for no gain on your part or end. Certainly a kind and caring community would be interested in what you care about, right? Thats how it ought to be. I would very much like to hear back from you and talk about what what matters most.

Edited September 23, 2023 by Dreamskull

[Bridgeburner56]

*taking notes*

Sorry, realised how this could be read. For the record, Major Arlene nailed it with her first post.

*continues to take notes*

[Murdoch]

32 minutes ago, Dreamskull said:

You just told the man hes easy to skip over, that you are impersonal and that people disappear all the time so he shouldnt worry about it.

 

Is the problem solved in your mind?

 

That is a master class in selective editing and a blatant misrepresentation of what Arlene and others were trying to do. That this guy has contributed much wasn't intended negatively; it is a simple statement of fact. Just like anything else in life, you get out what you put in, and the occasional post won't get you much attention. 

 

To the OP, i can only concur with the other statements here. You're not ostracised. Contrary to what Dreamskull seems so desperate to believe, most of the people here are fine and will treat you well if you treat them well. You're most definitely welcome here. 

[Caffeine Freak]

42 minutes ago, Dreamskull said:

Go on guys, ostracise him more. Thats what youre good at.

 

Who here has ostracized him besides the first 2-3 people that responded? What are you even talking about?

[Dreamskull]

Are you going to help him or are you going to complain about me? Are you going to actually do something or write a feel good corporate speech on how hes actually the real problem? You going to tell him hes fine because he hasnt messed up yet? You get what you put in, but what are you putting in?

Edited September 23, 2023 by Dreamskull

[Murdoch]

3 minutes ago, Dreamskull said:

Are you going to help him or are you going to complain about me? Are you going to actually do something or write a feel good corporate speech on how hes actually the real problem? You going to tell him hes fine because he hasnt messed up yet?

 

Take a breath and dial it down. Multiple people have given him encouragement and advice and you are twisting it in the name of picking fights. I've no idea what's going on with you right now but you're not doing anybody any favours, especially not the OP.

[Lucius Wooding]

5 minutes ago, Dreamskull said:

Are you going to help him or are you going to complain about me? Are you going to actually do something or write a feel good corporate speech on how hes actually the real problem? You going to tell him hes fine because he hasnt messed up yet?

 

Why not make your own thread if you want it to be all about you? I don't see why people offering OP advice is such a bad thing.

[Caffeine Freak]

Just now, Dreamskull said:

You going to help him or are you going to complain? Are you going to actually do something or write a feel good corporate speech on how hes actually the real problem?

 

I'll give the benefit of the doubt that you're not trolling and respond straightforwardly.

 

The only conceivable way in which I and others have told him he's 'the problem' is that he simply doesn't post very much. That's it. I literally said in my response that 'there's nothing wrong with that', and there isn't. But if you want people to engage with you, *you need to engage with them first.* People aren't going to seek you out and proactively form relationships with you, especially on an impersonal medium such as an internet forum. Which is why I advised him: 'If you want people to engage with you more, you just really gotta get in there and get your hands dirty---post on topics and engage with other members, play WADs and mods and offer feedback, or create your own projects.'

 

I really don't know how I can be any clearer about this.

[Dreamskull]

You forget that he asked for help on the first post and you want to explain the situtation to him like were in a lab. You guys havent always been this detached, but why do you think people are disappearing?

Edited September 23, 2023 by Dreamskull

[Murdoch]

1 minute ago, Dreamskull said:

You forget that he asked for help on the first post

 

And he got it. You're just not comprehending. Or trolling.

[Caffeine Freak]

@DreamskullHave a good night.

 

@Bengaltiger1, feel free to PM me any time you like.

Edited September 23, 2023 by Caffeine Freak

[Major Arlene]

2 minutes ago, Dreamskull said:

You forget that he asked for help on the first post. You want to explain the situtation to him like were in a lab. You guys havent always been this detached, but why do you think people are disappearing?

I literally explained why. Because people have lives outside the internet. Sorry you don't.

[Dreamskull]

Sorry those people arent coming back because you dont care about them. Its gonna turn into vaccum if you dont stop being a grinch.

Edited September 23, 2023 by Dreamskull

[Bridgeburner56]

5 minutes ago, Dreamskull said:

You forget that he asked for help on the first post. You want to explain the situtation to him like were in a lab. You guys havent always been this detached, but why do you think people are disappearing?

Help has been dispensed. People leave communities all the time, it is the nature of things. It's a thing you have to accept and thinking otherwise is an exercise in self denial. People move on, you should too

Edit*
Also the doom community is stronger that it's every been