KILL ALL THE ZOMBIES! chapter 1

[Dingus Khan]

Kill all the Zombies!

Slimer is they called him. He was the most strong marine on Fobos. Once he woke up, the othermarines, they’re up too and he see them so he talk to them. “Hey! What going on? I heared something funny up in my room!” they say NO SLIMER! You not understand anything! And I say NO. I know whatyou do! You try to trick Slimer! I Hear about the Zombies attacking! They coming! Slimer left those marines behind they were just too mean. He knew what was wrong and it was zombies. He walk down to the elevater and decide to go find someone who tell the truth and not trick Slimer. Explosion all around start and he get all scared. The station shake and he wonder what goes on. He reaches down for his pistol and find it gone. The elevator screeches to a stop, metal and gears whining in protest like a little girl when her father refuses to buy ice cream. He rip the door open and the lights all flashing around him. He walk slowly down the hall way. Maybe there survivors. He see a hammer so he grab. Walking further he hear moaning. I step over pile of metal. The red haze all about like a cloud of blood and death. In the haze he see zombie walking towards him. He run forward screaming and he swing hammer hard. The zombies head explodes like a blood filled melon, the dull thud sickening. I scream as I pull the hammer from he head. Those ZOMBIES!! I know they everywhere and they from HELL. He runs down the hall screaming looking for more to kill. He rip door open to room and find two zombies on laying on each other they asleep. Their arms around each other. He beat the fuck mans head in. Woman he kill next. Just a short second before the hammer falls the woman’s eyes open, realizing her life is held within the fall of a hammer. The claw penetrates her skull; she doesn’t even have time to scream. She wasn’t a zombie. Slimer crawling down the hall, looking left and right for zombies. He find none. The hammer in his teeth as he reach the body of marine. He pull the gun from he’s belt and shoot his chest once. BLAM BLAM! DIE YOU MARINE! But he already dead. Slimer cock the pistol and prepare for a fight.

[jute]

this is the greatest story i've ever read, fan-fic or otherwise. seriously. if this isn't perfect, it's pretty damn close. the idea of a very strong but painfully unintelligent narrator (who narrates in third person) is fantastic, and pulled off beautifully. i can't wait to read more.

[Dingus Khan]

thank you very much. I know i'm not the best writer in the world, but i really tried. i think this story really creates an image.

[Guardian]

This, in its obscurity, was actually pretty cute (in macho way, heh).

At first, since I just finished reading PWW's fifth and final installment to Degreelessness I was thinking, "Damn, what an anticlimax."

But the I read what PPW had to say about your story, and I looked through it again.

See? I learned my lesson; never compare stories. ;)

But yeah, with PWW's response taken into consideration, I hope to see more of this, definitely. I want to see just how far you can go with this type of narrative.

No, that's not a threat. I really am curious.

[Dingus Khan]

I have lots of ideas for this story at the moment. It might take me a while to get it all out, however. Tomorrow I hope to add a second chapter.

If you noticed there's not only an unintelligent 3rd person narrative, but it also switches to first person at times. Keep this in mind...it will help in the future.