i fell like i don't belong and everyone is collectively ghosting me all the time.

[DoomGuy999]

I've been ghosted here all the time. Don't worry. I won't ghost you. Keep making maps and don't lose motivation.

[OpenRift]

From my interactions with you, you're an okay guy, but I think you do have some things you need to sort out. I think Decay makes a good point though (if you squint at it) about considering the things that you do and say around other people, especially those you don't know particularly well. If there's one thing I've learned from my time managing and growing a community myself, it's that reading the room is a very important step in making a good first impression. That's how you make connections, and that's how you get "in". That might sound really basic and vague, but I've met my fair share of people who can't take a damn hint, and nobody looks fondly upon those people. 

 

In the case of your interactions with say, Decay and Arlene, that's a case of you don't really know them, you're not really friends with them, so it's best to keep it semi-formal, and maybe save the awkward pride month joke type stuff for your closer friends. Also, if you really need to message someone again to like, follow up on something, at least wait like a week, because that seems more like a reasonable amount of timeframe for them to respond within (to me, anyway). 

[Lisaancelle]

'Seeking' acceptance and validation into a community is a pernicious mindset in the first place. Either it happens organically and almost without noticing it, or it simply wasn't meant to. I wholeheartedly subscribe to the 'just make maps' advice, it's the best you're going to get. 

 

I could also add that, under the right circumstances, there can also be a certain kind of freedom and power in being an outcast.

Edited March 27 by Lisaancelle

[JackDBS]

5 hours ago, Xaser said:

Many of us regulars started out as spammy bad posters -- if I can recover from that, so can you. ;)

cough I think you forgot the MBF21 evangelism you do LMAO

[Biodegradable]

My only claim to fame is being a useful lab rat mappers can torture with their work, and that happened on accident by just hanging out and playing WADs on the forum frequently for the past 3 years. As some mentioned earlier, you get out what you put in. Just keep doing your thing by making your mods, participating in community activities, playing WADs and volunteering a helping hand on a project. You'll find your place here just like the rest of us over time.

[OniriA]

Just do your thing, fuck the rest.

[DoctorNuriel]

On 3/25/2024 at 10:42 PM, Dark Pulse said:

There are plenty of newbie-friendly mapping projects out there. DavidN runs RAMP every year, and it welcomes mappers of all skills.

 

Don't worry about it too much. There's a place here for you.

This ^

[Wo0p]

It sounds like you're (OP) tormented by a Fear Demon. Don't listen to it. Blast it in the face with cognitive therapy (If you're able) and go about your life. Live the life you want, not the life the demon wants for you.

 

And while in recovery, when it whispers doubt and uncertainty in your ear and you can't hear anything but its voice, go for a run. You'll feel better afterwards.

 

Running or other physical exercise is temporary relief.

Therapy is learning about, understanding of, and accepting the torment.

YOU are the lasting cure.

[SkeletronMK666]

16 hours ago, Decay said:

I have zero interest in dealing with you based on my first impressions

likewise by this point. ONE awkward joke isn't free range to be a go full berserk on someone.

[Cutman 999]

If all the things you want is attention from a private community, not even related to the forums themselves, go complaint elsewhere.

[Decay]

2 hours ago, SkeletronMK666 said:

likewise by this point. ONE awkward joke isn't free range to be a go full berserk on someone.

I don't think you understand what going full berserk on someone is. People are well within their right to stop interacting with people based on first impressions if they so choose. Interacting with people is a time investment. Therefore I decided that day I did not want to invest time in you.

 

In any case, this isn't the gotcha you think it is. When confronted with your own actions, you immediately deflected as if it was my fault instead of reflecting on yourself thinking "yea hmm maybe that wasn't so smart, maybe I should think about my actions or apologize" or "hmm maybe my actions have caused people not to interact with me". Kevansevan's post is accurate in the sense that there is no bettering yourself here, only remorse that your action fell flat and didn't get you where you wanted to be.

 

When I'm making suggestions such as just make maps or think about your actions, it is because I have literally spent years banned from forums and discords of Doom communities I have contributed to and continue to contribute to. I am understanding of your angst. I am giving you suggestions based on actual real ways to remedy this without falling further away. The difference is that you don't seem to realize or don't want to realize what you do matters. I understand the potential repercussions of my actions. I know a lot of the things I have said/done and continue to say/do get people angry sometimes. Individuals in this very topic are proof of that. But I'm not the one begging for acceptance.

[SkeletronMK666]

2 hours ago, Cutman 999 said:

If all the things you want is attention from a private community, not even related to the forums themselves, go complaint elsewhere.

sorry, i didn't want to come off as attention seeking. mostly that i wanted to feel welcomed in. i have a bunch of scizhiod traits in my personality that make it hard to socialize. however i'll do my due diligence to move on form past mistakes and be a better person. moving forward i'll focus on building my reputation via patience, and over time, building a portfolio of maps and mods that will get better over time, this will give me the confidence, and standing im looking for. :) I love mapping and modding DOOM, that's what where all here for right?

[SkeletronMK666]

1 hour ago, Decay said:

I don't think you understand what going full berserk on someone is. People are well within their right to stop interacting with people based on first impressions if they so choose. Interacting with people is a time investment. Therefore I decided that day I did not want to invest time in you.

 

In any case, this isn't the gotcha you think it is. When confronted with your own actions, you immediately deflected as if it was my fault instead of reflecting on yourself thinking "yea hmm maybe that wasn't so smart, maybe I should think about my actions or apologize" or "hmm maybe my actions have caused people not to interact with me". Kevansevan's post is accurate in the sense that there is no bettering yourself here, only remorse that your action fell flat and didn't get you where you wanted to be.

 

When I'm making suggestions such as just make maps or think about your actions, it is because I have literally spent years banned from forums and discords of Doom communities I have contributed to and continue to contribute to. I am understanding of your angst. I am giving you suggestions based on actual real ways to remedy this without falling further away. The difference is that you don't seem to realize or don't want to realize what you do matters. I understand the potential repercussions of my actions. I know a lot of the things I have said/done and continue to say/do get people angry sometimes. Individuals in this very topic are proof of that. But I'm not the one begging for acceptance.

thank you, sorry i thought you came off as abrasive... sorry i came off as cringe, hopefully in the past we can get past things or work together in some Community project, if i get that skill level at mapping. I feel that on the being banned part..

[SkeletronMK666]

well everyone, thanks for your reassurance and honesty! all of you, I mean it :) .

[Cutman 999]

6 hours ago, SkeletronMK666 said:

sorry i came off as cringe, hopefully in the past we can get past things or work together in some Community project, if i get that skill level at mapping. I feel that on the being banned part..

The first thing to accomplish that is not acting like you are the victim of some shit, that for people which don't have the fought process of a nut are not going to just give you out of nowhere "respect" or "a place in a community project" just because you scream it in public.

[Ludi]

On 3/26/2024 at 5:20 PM, kevansevans said:

We need those last two steps in giant bold glowing neon letters. Way too many times have I seen passionate people who try to integrate in these communities, genuinely screw up, and fail to actually put in effort to be better. 

 

A million times yes. I'll be the first to admit I was a total shithead when I first joined this community, but I got my act together and now I've worked with some of the best talents the community has to offer. It's all about finding the people you fuck with and being able to read the room. It's never ever too late to make a change in your attitude.

[Pancrasio]

...

[dasho]

1 hour ago, Pancrasio said:

...

 

Only sensible reply in the whole thread

[Denzel20]

13 hours ago, dasho said:

 

La única respuesta sensata en todo el hilo.

....?

[nrofl]

ive been somewhat active on here for the better part of a decade and i only know like 3 people on here lol. i can guarantee you that its not personal 

Edited March 28 by nue

[dasho]

23 minutes ago, Denzel20 said:

....?

 

Disculpe esta traducción de Google. Verá, en inglés una elipsis indica silencio, por lo que mi afirmación funciona en múltiples niveles. En la superficie, pretende ser humorístico porque es absurdo afirmar que alguien que no ha dicho nada ha dado la mejor respuesta. En un nivel más profundo, realmente creo que no hay mucho con lo que ninguno de nosotros pueda responder en el caso de alguien que muestra signos de luchar contra su enfermedad mental autoadmitida. Sinceramente espero que estén buscando tratamiento para esto fuera de una publicación aleatoria de Doomworld.

[Bobby :D]

Skelly, I know I don't talk much anymore, but I should. It's always good to talk with you, just know that whatever comes before doesn't matter much if you and others can move on, so be motivated to keep moving forward! There's only as many people you wish to interact with as you decide, so make it matter.

[SkeletronMK666]

7 minutes ago, Bobby :D said:

Skelly, I know I don't talk much anymore, but I should. It's always good to talk with you, just know that whatever comes before doesn't matter much if you and others can move on, so be motivated to keep moving forward! There's only as many people you wish to interact with as you decide, so make it matter.

thanks bobby.

Edited March 28 by SkeletronMK666

[june gloom]

It's a forum, it's not your forum. Doomworld is a nice place to be but it's also a relic of a bygone era of the internet (that honestly needs to come back but is neither here or there.) Consider touching grass.

[mrthejoshmon]

You think too much about people thinking about you.

 

I have been there, I believe one of the best things I did was shed the notion you are thought about.

 

It isn't that you do not matter.

It isn't that you do not exist.

It isn't that you are forgotten.

 

It just quite simply is that everyone has something going on, they have more immediate things to worry about, the blissful realisation that it doesn't matter that you are not being thought of is so very liberating, it is normal.

 

You feel underappreciated due to a lack of recognition for your works perhaps? Really you shouldn't create for recognition, you should create to make what you want to exist, you will only enjoy your works when you become your audience.

 

Focus upon yourself, only then will you find peace.

[OniriA]

26 minutes ago, june gloom said:

It's a forum, it's not your forum. Consider touching grass.

 

What an assinine thing to say towards a very legitimate concern from the OP. 

Perhaps you should consider touching some grass yourself in this case.

 

^{PS: Not trying to stir anything here, I just found it a very dickish comment.}

 

Also to OP, things will work out eventually. Just be patient and build on yourself.

The giving hand is always better then the hand that takes. As artists we're blessed with the power to keep on giving despite the circumstance.

[SkeletronMK666]

social spats and awkward interactions blow over, mapping skills are forever. im going to take @Decay's advice and others and just map until i become a god a mapping. some people can be social morons like myself but can be gifted with talent as a trade off. im going to focus on that talent and move on from the drama. Hone my skills and let everything fall into place.

[Scuba Steve]

I think the correct answer is that a community this small is just guarded. There's no formal discord for Doomworld and the rather small group of members  is spread out between several servers ranging from highly visible (hellforge) to smaller and more close-knit. It can feel rather cliquey, but I think it's more to the fact that people are very guarded and not you personally. Given the fact that this is a pretty niche hobbyist forum, it attracts a pretty eclectic group of people many of whom would be considered counter-cultural. Couple that with a sizable LGBT population, so long as people adhere to polite decorum and act respectfully tehre's no type of person who wouldn't be welcome.

 

Rant time: Loneliness is a growing epidemic. We are increasingly isolated from one another (by design) and most young people, especially men, do not have more than 3 close friends they talk to on a regular basis. While it doesn't replace in-person relationships, healthy internet relationships are still very valuable. We need more progressive spaces for people to hang out in to prevent radicalization that loneliness and unhealthy online spaces cause. If you wonder why I have become charitable to a fault when attributing malice towards others it's because I think most people would behave themselves just fine if allowed to spend time in more diverse spaces and talk with those people. I often ask myself; I was a lonely and awkward young man once and, given the right circumstances, I could have easily been radicalized by far-right propaganda. If Doomworld hadn't been run by an ultra progressive cabal of communist antifa socialists, a Doom forum could have easily devolved into a very bro-oriented community. So unless you're obviously disingenuous, I will err on the side of welcoming people so long as they know how to behave themselves.

[The Final Event]

i used to think similarly, then i realized that it was actually my own thoughts about myself manifesting in what i thought other people thought about me. once you become you yourself like, everything else irons itself out over time. at least that's my experience

[LadyMistDragon]

4 hours ago, june gloom said:

It's a forum, it's not your forum. Doomworld is a nice place to be but it's also a relic of a bygone era of the internet (that honestly needs to come back but is neither here or there.) Consider touching grass.

While I agree with your basic point, that was a rather caustic way to end the post. Everyone deserves a little bit of empathy, so long as they're not being destructive somehow.