Imp: when is this guy comming!!!

[Inferno]

My friend and I were discussing this recently and I thought it was pretty funny. When you play any level in Doom, you know that the monsters are somewhere behind a wall just standing there anticipating the moment to come after you once your in sight. And you know it's true cause when you clip through the walls and spy on the monsters thats all they do, just stand there. But you ever wonder what they're thinking?

Take this for example... An imp is behind a trap wall by himself, and he's thinking..

Imp: Jeeze... when is this guy comming? I can't get out of here unless he walks infont of this wall and I really have to take a shit. What the fuck... *Sigh*


Or you have two imps...


Imp1: Dude... why are we doing this?

Imp2: Cause we get paid to do it.

Imp1: But no seriously, why do we have to STAND in one place doing that 2 frame motion thing? Like I'd like to move around a little bit, maybe see when this guy is comming.

Imp2: Well...

Imp1: And I mean come on, you know we are going to get fucking annihilated, it's level 20, you know he's gonna launch a rocket on us.

Imp2: A rocket?!?

Imp1: Not because he has to, because he thinks its funny when he sees us get gibbed. Seriously what the hell man.


And when it's not just one monster type in the room.


Imp: Yo, why are you smiling.

Caco: I always smile.

Imp: Why?

Caco: It's in my genes.

Imp: Ok, but yeah, when that marine comes lets just tear him apart.

Caco: Don't worry. Just a warning though, if me makes us crossfire, and if any of you fuckers hit me I'm going after you.

Imp: WTF WHY?!

Caco: Cause it hurts, and I'm going to kill you if you hurt me the slightest bit. That marine can be right there with a bowl of popcorn infront of us and if you hit me I'm going to smoke your ass.

Imp: Your a fucking dumbass, you know that? So your saying if I accidentally hit you in a crossfire, you'd rather kill me than kill the guy who we are supposed to attack?

Caco: Yeah.

Baron: Don't you even fucking think about hitting me, you will die.

Imp: Shit! That marine better not make me hit those guys!

Archvile: Lmfao, I dont need to worry cause even if I decide to attack you guys, your all are to chicken to hit me back!

Imp: *thinks to himself* WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE GUYS!?!?!?!


The monsters must talk about something during anticipation. Also, my apologies if this should be in everything else, I figured for its content it might be best placed here.

[Jodwin]

Inferno said:

Imp: *thinks to himself* WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE GUYS!?!?!?!

Brilliant.

[YMB]

This is teh win. Now, start scripting and make a legendary jokewad.
edit:typo

[Udderdude]

I would have to undergo a full frontal lobotomy to consider this crap funny.

[GGG]

Inferno said:

But you ever wonder what they're thinking?

Doom monsters are about as intelligent as ants. Hell, they're not even that smart. So why would one assume they could hold an intelligent conversation? (Or unintelligent as in the case of your example)

yomoneyboat said:

This is teh win. Now, start scripting and make a legendary jokdwad.

This was done in Wills' latest jokewad, and it wasn't funny.

[Linguica]

I thought this was going to be about something completely different and I think you know what I mean

[Inferno]

Yeah naturally they are dumb as bricks, but thats the thing, your not supposed to take it seriously. If there was a visual representation of it, like the funny cuts in family guy, you'd know its supposed to be there for comic effect.

It was funny at the time my friend and I discussed this, so I know naturally its not going to have the same effect as posting it on the forum, but its worth a shot.

[YMB]

Linguica said:

I thought this was going to be about something completely different and I think you know what I mean

*insert mandatory impse reference here*

[geo]

I'm not sure if you wanted logic to rain on your parade, but I'm pretty sure that the designers wanted to have demons rip out of walls to invade sections. Not just be seen as rooms with doors that open to release them.

[myk]

"Good question, Imp, I've been looking at your GIF for hours now and that guy just doesn't stop!"

geo said:
I'm pretty sure that the designers wanted to have demons rip out of walls to invade sections. Not just be seen as rooms with doors that open to release them.

But they are rooms with doors or panels that open and let them out.

At least some monsters have others to talk to, but some are all alone! I bet the Cyberdemon and the Spiderdemon in Map20 can talk to each other, at least by shouting, though, because when they scream you can hear them from anywhere.

[GGG]

myk said:

I bet the Cyberdemon and the Spiderdemon in Map20 can talk to each other, at least by shouting, though, because when they scream you can hear them from anywhere.

And the Cyberdemon would probably repeat what he said twice every time, even if the other monster left the room or died.

[Vegeta]

Here is a conversation from a group of demons that were waiting for the player.

Demon:
Imp:
Cacodemon:
Imp:
Imp:
Demon:
Cacodemon: