Hellbent Posted February 3, 2002 My friend Kracov doesn't think his writing has an audience. Doesn't think people are interested in his ideas. Here is something he wrote recently. Your feedback is appreciated. BLOODLANDS I AM LOST AND SICKENED DISORIENTED BY THIS BLEAK ENVIRONMENT HOW I CAME TO BE HERE ESCAPES MY MEMORY THIS IS A DESERT, DEEP SCARLET GRAINS STRETCH THE HORIZON AND THE SICKLY BROWN SKY GALE FORCE WINDS PEPPER MY FACE THE SAND TASTES FOUL, THE SAND TASTES LIKE BLOOD SAVAGELY CRUEL, BARREN EXPANSE, THE ATMOSPHERE, A CAUSTIC FOG EVERY BREATH REMINDS ME OF PAIN DUST OF DRIED BLOOD FILLING MY LUNGS ON THE HORIZON I SEE A CHASM, A DISTANT PULSE BEGINS TO BEAT SUDDENLY A FLASH, SPECTER OF THE PAST VISION OF MASS MURDER, TORRENTS OF BLOOD THE VISION QUICKLY ENDS, THE WASTELAND STILL BECKONS PLODDING TOWARD THE CHASM I HEAR RUSHING LIQUID MY MIND CANNOT CONCEIVE, THE MASSACRE I BEHOLD AN INFINITE RIVER OF CADAVERS, BUOYANT IN THEIR OWN BLOOD VERTIGO ENGULFS MY BRAIN AS MY BODY FALLS AND DROPS A MILLION CORPSES STARING STRAINING TO SURVIVE, LIMBS FLAILING IN THE BLOOD GRAPPLE WITH HEADLESS BODIES HANDS OF THE DEAD ARE PULLING ME DOWNWARD DROWNING IN THIS RIVER INTESTINES ARE ALIVE, LIKE TENTACLES THEY CHOKE SITUATION HOPELESS I SUBMIT TO THE FURY OF THE RIVER PARALYZED WITH TERROR THOUSANDS OF THEIR THOUGHTS ARE ENTERING MY MIND CONSCIOUS ON THEIR LEVEL. 0 Share this post Link to post
Sharessa Posted February 4, 2002 Woah...thats like a whole new style of writing. Like poetic novelization. Or something. I dunno, Jack Keruwac probably did something like this back in the 50s. Very cool though. 0 Share this post Link to post
stphrz Posted February 17, 2002 Hmmm. Kory Clarke he is not. Kinda interesting though. Playing wild the dying children From the gutter they spawn A life created with indignation Pride and seek or pause Pig city oil creation Over sex dose The junk machine crawls Missing is the laughter From the death bus While the eternal human war rages on Can - You - Believe How - Little - You - Care? The friendly face of the empire leader Conquest of style Ego hate Walk amongst the ancient dogs While the violent kill the decline state Have you eaten today? I am glad Your digestion is the sorrow of the hungry So tired of rejection and stupidity? Cut away to gray man Isolation room A crowd gathers Fade to riot As the Führer screams deliverance The claws the predatory corporation dig deep into the naive religion culture Acceptance-blind-virtue Their reason taunts the absurd The beggar He feeds the anger As you burn sorrow's last word Pain create the answer holy Learn the lesson passion learned Hate the teachers oh so saintly I kiss the pyre as it burned Our need goes on But we feel nothing All emotion kills with no remorseful death blow from Jesus Only you can turn the key to unlock the tortured riches inside your soul And find the reason we live Like some sort of God rejection Place the blame on heads that turn You watch the dagger rip through masses As wheat and grain and corn Dry into a hatred reality Screaming into a vengeful pit -PITIFUL SCREAM The heart goes forward hating Wanting life that cannot be obtained Justice seeker Pray for vengeance The purest life is marred and stained I want the world to heal I want the world to love But it cannot 4 more years 4 more years 4 more years 4 more years 4 more years -Kory Clarke 0 Share this post Link to post
dsm Posted February 17, 2002 Hm, I'm not used to comment on lyrics, but I will say this: It'd be easier to read if it wasn't all capped. 0 Share this post Link to post
pritch Posted February 17, 2002 Woah...thats like a whole new style of writing. Like poetic novelization. Or something. I dunno, Jack Keruwac probably did something like this back in the 50s. Very cool though. It's called freeverse, plain an' simple. There are one or two tortologies, and if I had a criticism it's that it constantly bombards using language rather than literary construct, such as metaphor. I realise the attempt was to simulate what is actually happening to the narrator, but always remember a poem is as much about what it DOESN'T say as what it does. Economy and holding back are crucial to a poem's effectiveness, as are it's physical appearance on screen. Study Blake for an excellent example. There is promise, just keep practising, and try and follow a unified stanza pattern. It will force you into becoming a better writer, and then when you have mastered form you can write truly great free or blankverse. 0 Share this post Link to post
Recommended Posts