Community Story Mk.2 issues/suggestions

[Tek]

Issues and suggestions for the new Community Story should go here, including suggestions for new characters, setting and monsters, posts that violate the rules, and posts that don't fit well into the story.

[dsm]

Mikhail walked through the downpour, the wind mildly stirring his poncho and blowing back tufts his jet-black hair hair

I believe that we have an error here.
We all make mistakes :-)

[dsm]

Just a minor question Tek: You have revealed that you're a gun nut, right?
This AKS-85 which Mikhail carries is that a weapon which currently exists or is it an imaginative weapon? If it's the former, then I just wanted to say that I find it rather strange that a weapon which was new around the ending of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st century should be common out in the future where this story takes place.
Just a small detail - nothing big.

[Katgut]

Sorry for not mentioning the things I did in the most recent post - but here goes.

Talia, as I've stated, is most definitely dead. She will NOT make any re-appearances outside of flashbacks. (She will NOT be resurrected by an Arch-vile, most definitely, unless someone comes up with a DAMN good reason.)

The mystery figure who appears behind Mikhail at the end... well... s/he is totally unknown at that point. Anything goes there, as long as it fits. They don't have to even be human. (It'd be much more interesting if they aren't, in fact.)

Hopefully this one keeps going better/more smoothly than the last one did.

[dsm]

I hope this person is human. Only little makes a story seem less serious than talking monsters imho.

[Sharessa]

"I could ask you the same thing, you to be so stupid" Vladimir spoke

BBG: Hmmm...what were you trying to say here?

[Tek]

Shit! That hair issue got past me. Maybe I should actually proofread...

And about the AKS-85--This gun does not exist, as far as I know. I'm not sure, as I've not really had much interest in the AK-47 and its variants. This story is set in the future (maybe 2087), but not so far in the future that we will be using energy weapons. Of course, there will be updated versions of weapons that exist today but, in my opinion, energy weapons should not be introduced as common infantry weapons, but rather as experimental designs.

[Katgut]

I hope this person is human. Only little makes a story seem less serious than talking monsters imho.

Heh, it's shades of the Doom novels again... :->

[dsm]

Shit! That hair issue got past me. Maybe I should actually proofread...

Well, it's nothing disastrous, there is an "edit" button y'know.

And about the AKS-85--This gun does not exist, as far as I know. I'm not sure, as I've not really had much interest in the AK-47 and its variants. This story is set in the future (maybe 2087), but not so far in the future that we will be using energy weapons. Of course, there will be updated versions of weapons that exist today but, in my opinion, energy weapons should not be introduced as common infantry weapons, but rather as experimental designs.

Ok, I just asked because of the "shotgun issue" in my D A contribution story (you know what I'm talkin' about). On to another question about this gun, which just popped up in my head: What kind of weapon is it, assault rifle?

[Tek]

The AKS-85, in my mind, is a direct descendant of the AKS-74 family of assault rifles (Ever played Metal Gear Solid 2?). I chose this model so as to fit the Russian setting, and I think that other authors should follow suit when they describe guns.

[dsm]

I'd better stay away from attempting to describe this weapon then, 'cause I haven't tried MG 2 and have no idea how this gun looks.
Oh well, at least I know that it's an assault rifle.

[Tek]

The AKS-74u looks like a shortened version of the AK-47, with a shorter stock and shorter barrel. Spetznaz units often make use of them, most recently in Chechnya.

[pritch]

This forum is suffering, so tomorrow I promise I WILL write a stroy.

Someone should be modded in here to edit the community story.

[Tek]

How about you contribute to the community story? It's just started, so there is still plenty of room to be creative without breaking the rules.

[læmænt]

Mikhail circled the building carefully, reciting the line he'd heard someone mutter on the way in.


Never send a soldier in just to dig his own grave...


As he walked around the remains of the building, he came across something he never thought he'd see - the most distinguishing part of the building.


...never send a soldier in just to dig his own grave...


The building that had been destroyed was the Kremlin. Mikhail reached into his uniform and pulled out the golden crucifix he carried on a chain.

Aww, people, you don't know what Kremlin is do you? It's this huge complex of buildings in the center of Moscow, which was the whole city about 300 years ago. You need about 40-60 minutes to "circle" it, and you'll most definitely know it's Kremlin from 15 kilometers away (if you're Russian that is)

[Tek]

But the Kremlin, along with most of Moscow, was destroyed in the war.

[læmænt]

That still doesn't make it a 'building'.

[Katgut]

That still doesn't make it a 'building'.

Don't worry, we'll come up with a decent explanation for this, too. :->

[Sharessa]

I thought the base was in Moscow, not New Stalingrad. Or am I wrong?

[Katgut]

I thought the base was in Moscow, not New Stalingrad. Or am I wrong?

The only problem I have with this is that it implies a Communist revival, and St. Petersburg being totally wiped off the map.

Don't worry, backstory will come later. :->

[Tek]

Can't we simply pretend that the Kremlin is one building? This story doesn't exactly strive for total realism.

[læmænt]

Can't we simply pretend that the Kremlin is one building? This story doesn't exactly strive for total realism.

Being russian, I certainly can't. However I won't be writing anything for the story anyway, so go ahead :)

[Tek]

You've great English for a Russian ;)

[Katgut]

Can't we simply pretend that the Kremlin is one building? This story doesn't exactly strive for total realism.

I was thinking more that it had been destroyed and then rebuilt as a single building between now and when the story takes place.

[læmænt]

You've great English for a Russian ;)

Thanks :)
I live in canada though, maybe that explains it

[dsm]

A few errors (please don't take it too personal, I'm only trying to help):

Mikhail walked into the room and Zofia look up from the radio

you don't have (to) send out a task force

I hope noone kills off Zofia. I don't like heartbreaking events, besides, I get the impression that she was 'inserted' as a reason to keep our hero fighting.

[Tek]

Bingo.
I'm hoping that Zofia will become Mikhail's love interest over the course of the story, though not just yet, as Talia has only recently died and Mikhail is not yet over her.

Bigbadgangsta:
You posted that Mikhail chose to get an M-16A1 from the armory. I think you should change that. The M-16A1 is a sorely outdated version of Colt's assault rifle, and since then the US Army has replaced it with the M16-A2. In fact, it's up to the M-16A4, so I think you might want to change the model number of Mikhail's assault rifle, in order to stay within the near-futuristic theme. And I don't know what the Russian Army would be doing with an American assault rifle.

[dsm]

Bigbadgangsta:
You posted that Mikhail chose to get an M-16A1 from the armory. I think you should change that. The M-16A1 is a sorely outdated version of Colt's assault rifle, and since then the US Army has replaced it with the M16-A2. In fact, it's up to the M-16A4, so I think you might want to change the model number of Mikhail's assault rifle, in order to stay within the near-futuristic theme. And I don't know what the Russian Army would be doing with an American assault rifle.

I would make up a name for a type of m16 rifle. I did that in my own personal story, where I called it an "M16AX3", though I agree with Tek that a US weapon would be a little weird in the Russian army, despite the fact that some NATO countries use M-16s.
Btw, wasn't the M-16a1 the type used during Vietnam?

[Tek]

Yes, it was, though not at first. I believe the M-16 itself was used at the outset of Vietnam, and the M-16A1 was produced after the army complained about jamming and other issues, and replaced the first model. Then came the M-16A2 (which the US army now uses). I'm not sure though; I'm primarily interested in European weapons--they have the BEST guns over there.

[dsm]

I'm not sure though; I'm primarily interested in European weapons--they have the BEST guns over there.

Like?
The best assault rifle I tried was actually the M-16A2 with an optical scope - experienced no jams at all.