The Revised Version of Pt.#1 of My Story...

[Guest Adriannus]

**Some of it's the same, some of it's modified, some of it's new. Whether you read my other post with the story or not, give this a read and see if you like it. I'm now working on Pt.#2 and plan on posting it on the forum in one or two days.**

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"Damn...should've paid more attention in basic training..." he said with a smirk. Only this time it won't be the drill instructor who'd be down his throat. Now he had to answer to whatever lay down the corrugated metal corridor ahead. With a warming thought of punching a fist-sized hole in any sonofabitch beast that killed Trevor, he reloads his trusty 12 gauge shotgun with a few more rounds, each slug yearning to drink the lifeblood of his hated, unthinking enemies for vengeances' sake.

"Godammnit, you should've been more careful -- stupid shit..."

His thoughts drifted back to a gut-wrenching scene that played it's melodrama back in a seemingly distant time but couldn't have been as long as five minutes ago. Trevor, he friend since bootcamp, had endured everything from the insults their drill instructor threw at them, the pushups, the marches on the blood red soil of Mars, even the messhall food. And now...now he was dead. Just another carcass. Another kill. Another dead marine. But he was still Trevor in his mind and they were still buddies, even with the canyon of death between them. The very thought of decorating the walls with the entrails of those unthinking beasts, to rend their putrid bodies, spurting viscous insides out simply made him grin like a boy who got his first bike.

He even remembered how Trevor died -- not that he'd forget. Not now, not 20 minutes later, not even a decade. Never. It wasn't that he was too late, he was there to watch everything, every hideous detail; he was simply held back himself...handcuffed by Fate. He watched his friend die in front of him and he saw the whole thing -- all of it, out of the corner of his eye. The way he died. The fact that Trevor died wasn't what troubled his soldier's heart so much as what they actually did to him before he could get over there. The screams of his torment reverberated anew in his skull and tore his heart because of his helplessness... two creatures, earth-toned in color and almost six feet in height with strange, bony protrusions emerging from their shoulders while somewhat managing to appear humanoid in shape, were tearing their claws into his abdomen and he could hear every rib break, every sinew and ligament tear, and when they began consuming his intestines, shock lost it's grip on him. He couldn't hold still any longer. With a mad shout, he tackled the creature nearest him and jammed the barrel of his shotgun into its face with a freakish cackle of joy. The other skittered away down the hall with a rasp of anger and terror intertwined...

"I'll get back to that one," he said with a grin.

He quickly wiped the brains, blood and other materials off of his visor and sprinted the fifteen feet to his friend and saw a fear in those eyes that couldn't be washed away with any word or gesture... It was a fear that composed Death's aura and began to enshroud Trevor. He couldn't even talk to him or say any last words. He probably only had about ten seconds left anyway. He simply pulled his friend's helmet off with a gentle touch like a mother's and held his arm, because that's all he knew how to endear and care. Trevor tried to apologize to his friend for letting this happen and to say a soul-freeing "goodbye". A small trickle of blood found it's way out of his gaping mouth. With a cough, Trevor's face became a grisly fountain of crimson...

"Tr...Trevor...," He sputtered out, on the verge of uncontrollable tears, "...hold on, keep your strength. I'm h..here, buddy. Remem..b..ber how Sergeant Lichtus made me eat my rations with my boot polish for telling him he could fuck himself? I don't remeber...e...ever being so sick. It only hap...happened last week. D...don't you remember?" He sputtered with a feigned smile.

Trevor looked up at his one true friend last time, and a feeling of peace took him, washed over him and then Trevor smiled at him his last smile. His eyes fluttered, lolled and then, then it was over. Trevor was dead.

With a fresh tear sliding down his cheek, which collided into the visor of his helmet, he stalked down the hall with a new hate that consumed him, burned inside of him just like the fire that had spread so far across the base. In the area ahead, he could see that the power was failing...the lights were poor and flickering.

"Those things aren't going to be on much longer -- I'd better check my map."

On the underside of his helmet, near his neck, there was a black button, which he pressed. His automap, a hologram, appeared in front of the visual range of his headgear. The map covered everything -- everything up until the next antechamber he had to march further into.

"Damn...I'm going to be flying blind here, just about..."

There was a button on the adjacent side of his helmet, only red in color, which he then pressed. A small light stretched about ten feet in front of him, which was about two feet in diameter, ate into the darkness, but was then swallowed up. The cone of light flooding meekly in the dark flashed over things the dark hid and things that didn't wish to be seen. They simply were meant to be kept to the knowledge of death and the cowl of dark and the un-light. His eyes followed where the light of helmet flitted and he saw everything the uncanny brightness revealed...

At first it was just another patch of green-gray carelessly splayed on the cold, unfeeling metal which held him, his fears and his nightmares. But as he looked further left, he saw something he wanted the dark to consume. However, the dark side of his mind was all the more base and he stared at the desecrated cadaver with the curiousity of a young boy. It wasn't just a dead man, it was someone who couldn't even be recognized by God anymore. His skull was all that he could see at first, but the grimace scrawled on it held upon it's surface an oriface of some sort that poured forth into the dank atmosphere a silent scream that would never fade or stop filling the air -- if you listened. What truly caught his eyes was blasphemy of what...something had done to this mass of flesh. The eyes were hastily torn from their sockets and all that remained was a congealed trail of blood that doused the remaining bits of connective tissue. And on the forhead was a strange symbol etched in blood and around it, all over the "face", were rune-like characters which he couldn't begin to decipher. Perhaps most striking, though, were the remnants of what might have been this poor soul's femur which was plunged deep into the skull. Brains, black blood, skull fragments and flesh which he could not identify were strewn all about.

The horror did not end there, however, as he looked on in awed fear and his mind was hushed for lack of anything to tell him in the sight of this Godless massacre. Another figure...a man, he supposed, was pinned to the wall like a specimen in a butterfly collection. All of his innards were on display for those with the gall to view them. A flaying of no subtle nature took place, obviously, for the man was nude and without skin. His intestines were pulled from his body and nailed all across the wall in a horrific farse of garland on a Christmas tree. Before he ripped off his helmet to vomit, the last thing he lay eyes upon was a grim totem made from a medium that could be nothing other than his fallen friends and comrades. Dismembered corpses were used as a base for this grotesque mockery of monuments. Arms were somehow fused with detached legs and sinew fastened it all together...a moat of black-colored, congealed blood lay at the base of this debased pillar of the dead. At the top of it all were the heads of thes unwilling, unfortunate victims all stripped of skin and muscle...devoid of flesh except for the brains, which were put on a shameless display after being de-nuded of the top of the skull.

"Je...Jesus Christ. Why...? Why God?! Where the fuck were you God? Where the fuck were you?!! Wh..whe...where? God...Goddamnit..."

He fell to the floor in a heap and cried till his eyes stung and his brain cried for oxygen. After wiping his eyes he stumbled on his way over to what his helmet light told him was a dead enemy. He wasn't sure if they were another species of -- something or if they were from Hell...all he knew was that he hated them with all his being. With a strong kick to it's face, he staggered on.

Gingerly stepping around the holes that were eaten into the titanium walkways by what could have been demonic blood, he went further into the unyielding darkness. The silence was consuming all the sanity in his mind...he was trapped with his thoughts and he didn't like any of them. He almost wanted, desired for something to find him, just so he wouldn't have to think about his friend anymore. He didn't want Trevor to become one of those mindless...things he had to kill before. He never knew why he couldn't bring himself to shoot Trevor's corpse in the head to prevent possession -- maybe it was the smile on his dead face. All he knew was that every face haunted him, because he knew most of them from patrol duty. Other were his friends, like Trevor. Now they were all the same, though. Dead. He continued down the hall, which continually grew darker and darker, until he rounded a corner and made five feet and then he stopped dead in his tracks.

A deep rumbling pervaded the air and a rank stench filled his nostrils. He peered harder into the void-like black and saw two dim yellow orbs peering back at him. He heard two 'k-thunks' as whatever it was menacingly drew nearer and the those two yellow spheres darted at him from the darkness -- he realized those eyes were connected to a stalwart head of something with a monstrous mouth as unseen teeth clenched down on the air that lay just inches from his helmet with a resounding snap. He pumped his shotgun and fired a round in the general direction of his hidden assailant. The sound of hot metal hitting home in flesh filled the air with it's lush, full note. There was a deep growl of fierce irritation...almost of anger as he heard five more k'-thunks' and the..."it" leaped suddenly to his side and those massive teeth found his left arm, gripping it like the dying clasp onto the living. His second shot went wild and he heard the slugs meet the concrete wall with a small, short-lived shower of sparks...
------------------pt.#2 starts here----------------

** I hope you guys enjoyed that -- I enjoyed writing it. And if you have any extra commentary or simply wish to, e-mail me, the address is in my profile **

[Lüt]

God, you write more in a few hours than I do in a few months.

[Guest Adriannus]

Lüt said:

God, you write more in a few hours than I do in a few months.

Was it that long? Hope it wasn't tedious to read...

[nightmare imp]

"There all dead"

A short event from my 20 page Doom story I wrote for english class,the one that got me in trouble...

This story is read through my eyes,but this one part called "There all dead" is narriated,a part where theres survivors in the toxin refinery while im in the Nuclear plant still.




Coporal Fox was trying to find his crew consisting of Corporal Robertson and Jamie,the remaining marines.
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"Robertson,where are you?" Fox called out.

The Toxin refinery was dark and tight, the stench of deadly chemicals and liquid filled the air and it was terrible.Bullets holes in the walls from earlier combat meant someone was here,but not anymore."This is Fox here,anyone?" he called out.

No one answerd back,nothing.

Something was going on,something wierd ever since he got here,he found dead dead bodys and saw no one alive.He was being chased by a big ,bulky horned creature earlier on and thorny humanoid creatures.He had his 12 gauge shotgun ready for anything and than he heard something from behind him,he spun around aiming the shotgun."Freeze!" he yelled,trembling.

"Dont shoot sir,it's me",Robertson said.

"What the hells going on here?" Fox said.

"I...dont know,but Jamie was attacked by someone or something ,I couldent excactly see what it was but it was carrying a shotgun."Never the less,we'd better get the hell out of here" Fox said as they headed for the blue security door.He took out the blue keycard and inserted it into the card reader and it blinked on and off.The door unlocked and automaticaly opend up."Alright,move out!" Fox said.

"Dammit sir,what are these things,theres people that have been trying to kill us and those...things sir" Robertson said,with a worried look in his eyes."I dont know what they are or where they came from,but we cant give up"Fox explained.The walls had bloody handprints on them and a pile of intestines were on the floor.Robertson began to vommit,"Jesus Chirst!" he yelled out.
"Get together man!" Fox yelled.

"Yes..yes sir" he said.

Just than a roar errupted from the corner ahead and another person wallked out,armed with a riffle "there not human sir,I swear,there like zombies!" Robertson blubberd.
Fox unloaded a shell into the creatures head before it could even fire and it fell to the cold,steel floor in a heap.They wallked up to him and they noticed that parts of the corpse were rotten already.

"My god" Robertson said.As if Fox hadent seen more than enough of these foul creatures,another one had come out from the exit room just ahead."Look out!" Robertson said as it opend fire with it's riffle catching Robertson in the throat.He fell down grabbing his throat,kicking and crying and trying to say something,but ihe just gargeld.



"Robertson!" Corp.Fox yelled as he stood up and fierd his shotgun blowing the zombies head apart.Robertson was dead and his throat wound still dripped blood from the bullet that ripped through the back of his kneck.Fox stood back up and than something grabbed him from behind around his shoulder and he felt flesh being torn from his shoulder."Arghhh!" he screamed as he freed himself from the grasping hands of another zombie,a woman this time and he saw his own flesh hanging like streamers from here mouth.

He fierd at it and it fell down,dead with part of it's head blown open.He crawled down the short exit corridor where he pressed a switch to raise the staircase to the exit door.The steps groaned and than came out of the mechanical floor and he took a step,just than a gunshot is heard and a bullet catches him on his left leg.He falls down banging his head on one of the steps,lacerating his forehead.

A former soilder falls down upon Fox and he screams as he trys to get back up,but there are to many zombies that are piling up on him.Corp.Fox's shirt is pulled up,revealing his abdomen,a zombie bites into it and he screams in utter pain.Another zombie digs it's hand into the ripped flesh and begins tugging on his intestines and he screams still,blood is coming out of his mouth as he stares at the dozen or so blank eyes that stare down at him.

Another zombie begins to gnaw on his cheek and begins to bite the flesh of and begins to tug on his jaw and tongue,it gets ripped out and chewed on by the zombie.

In the meantime,three zombies have been ripping into the abdomen and rip open his stomach spilling the guts and other vital organs as they rip the rib cage open as well.Robertson is dead,they begin pulling out more of his intestines and they feast on there prey.


The door that leads into the room opens,and Corp.Obrochta emerges(Me),his eyes widen at the sight of zombies devouring Corp.Robertson."Jesus" he says as he unslings his shotgun."Come on you fuckers,eat me!" he yells as he opens fire with an evil grin on his face.Another zombie grasps at him but has it's head blown clean off and it falls dead.Another zombie gets up to attack and than it has its head slammed into the wall cy Corp.Obrochta.

Corp.Obrochta arms the chainsaw and revs it up,he charges the horde of zombies slashing and sawing zombies into peices "come on and get me,if you can!" he roard.Blood was splattering all over the walls and floor,but he dident care.Images of imps,bulldemons,spectres raced through his mind with rage,but he never stopped to kill the former humans.

A zombie goes for his throat but gets it own head sawed in half.After two minutes of the massacare induced by Corporal Obrochta,he walks over the dead body of Fox and onto the stairs,wiping the blood off his combat helmet visors.He leans on one knee and takes it off,he needed fresh air,but it wasent.He was trying to calm his rage down all together,eventually he did and he hooked the helmet back on and procceded to the exit.He pulled out the automap and saw his destination was "Commnad+Control".............

[pbldcttr]

I liked it. : )

[Naked Snake]

Phat story.You should write books or something...now I must take some advil for reading to much gives me a headache...why?!

[Wildman]

Neat. Nice cliff-hanger ending. :)

[Guest Adriannus]

What did you think of all of it, wildman?