Springy

my man died 

Sweet mother of pearl, this has changed a bit. Needing a new PC as old laptop crapped out. New laptop isn't brilliant. Should be back to making stuff soon, hopefully.

I am not entirely sure if this is entirely normal behaviour but I have noticed something over the years. Most mornings, I get up, have my shower, get ready etc. I check most rooms in the house with my phone light thoroughly and I leave the house, lock the door and end up coming back within seconds to double check if it is locked. Later, going about my daily business as usual, I worry that the house might get broken into and keep having thoughts about it I also worry at night when I am asleep if someone's in the house sometimes causing me to wake up at some points of the night (mostly due to an event that resulted last year when some repeatedly knocked on the door past 2 in the morning and kept trying the door hand, this also happened to my old teacher a few weeks back). At work recently, I have noticed that I only feel comfortable asking questions to certain people at work and yet I still rarely ask my boss or anyone else who is near me I always go towards the people I know or wait for them to come back if they have gone. Now, this has been natural for me for a few years, but it has never interrupted much in the name of social activities although nowadays, I don't tend too leave the house as much. I recently lied about not being able to attend my cousins birthday as I am worried about my dad being there amongst other people I haven't met. Now I have only recently put two and two together and it feels like I am not me anymore. I have been thinking about going to see a doctor but I did that the other week in response to bad stomach pains which appeared to be nothing at all (according to the doctor) so now I am a bit anxious to book an appointment in case it appears to be nothing.

Does anyone else experience this? I know it's an odd thing to be mentioning on a forum of all places, but now it feels like I am stuck in an endless loop and unable to do much, but I also have this feeling buried deep in my head that I should just continue and think not bother other people about it. Including my own parents.

Last week I had to spend a week up north as part of my induction into BT's 3 year apprenticeship course. The induction was boring as fuck if I am honest, filled to the brim with egotistical workers from the company jacking off to their successes in public, making the common man deluged with a jealous rage. This week the real work sort of began being put into our groups we will be taking part in to start off with. The group I am with deal with what I can only describe as "alarm monitoring", a process which requires the use of software to determine whether a company's EMOs network is still up and running, if it goes OCC then we must file report(s) to an engineer so that they can fix the problem quickly as these customer networks are usually part of a big company.

And I am enjoying it so far, despite the week mostly consisting of meeting groups of people and sorting out a few odds and ends. It feels absolutely mother fucking fabulous that I finally managed to progress onto something that I want in life, and that I don't actually mind waking up to and leaving early, travel's a bitch but that's the only downside so far. As I said, this is only an apprenticeship but this time I finally feel motivated to actually achieve this (unlike school, college and other jobs) and it brings me closer to having an amazing career within a company that is essentially a household name.

Last thing I really want to end off with is if you feel it is too late to get a career that you want in life, it isn't I am 21 now and had a relatively mediocre educational background. I have had to go through the pain of unemployment, countless hours wasted away looking for pointless jobs just to earn money, countless interviews turned down and even a Foundation Degree smacked out of my grasp due to Student Loans not being paid off thanks to my (and my Mum's) bank cards not working (for some odd reason). The point is if you want something, fucking go for it, look at the things that you need to do in order to achieve that snazzy new car paid from that career and just fucking do it with an attitude that makes people think that you really want it. At the end of the day life is mainly consisted of work, eat, sleep, little bit of time off, work again, possibly more work, etc. Life has a lot of work in it and you might as well have some fun whilst working and enjoy that career.

Impossible you say? Impossible is just a word, impossible means that you definitely won't get it if all you think of is that word, as a famous sports brand once said; "Impossible is nothing". My only regret is that I didn't apply for this straight after school as I would have had this job by now, but shit happens I managed to turn it around and hopefully this blog will motivate others to achieve their dreams.

Pretty fucking stupid, huh? Until around 3:00am they were here and I came home to find one end of crime scene tape on my fence. So I was told by their neighbour that it was something to do with weapons, but then it turns out to be air rifles... One thing I admire most about the American cops is that this would have been dealt with ages ago. The bloke's kid was seen taken by the police and he is a 42 year old from Luton who does not even live there, (it's his 18 year old girl friend's, apparently). I had to ask a police officer if I could go into my house. Worst of all, these cops had to waste their time by travelling from Bedford (only a few community support officers here). This is just an absolutely ridiculous way of dealing with this, in my opinion.

NOTE: This isn't an actual tutorial on robbing yourself but there are steps that you can take from this which was demonstrated by my uncle.

Last week we received a call from my uncle whom I haven't seen in a good few years. He requested that we come down on Saturday as we hadn't seen him since he last moved house. The journey was long and consisted of a few train journeys which so happened to include the typical poncy workers going to work with their ties done up to 11, toilets that were disgusting and of course windows that wouldn't shut because that's First Crapital Connect for you. Anyway, we made it to his house in South East London, had the BBQ and I was offered a chance to stay to which I accepted.

And what a fucking night it was...

We had a few, it's true and my uncle gives Nick (his partner), who so happens to be in the same state as a typical bus shelter dweller, the keys to his house with one request; put the keys in the lock box. Me and my uncle stay down the pub for a few more then head back at 1:00 in the morning and what happened? Keys weren't in the lock box. My uncle bangs on the door for a good half an hour then we give up and back to the pub we go after that, we go back (again). Same thing happens so he knocks on next doors door goes through into the house and climbs onto the roof, attempts to climb through the bathroom window (which so happens to be extremely tiny). His neighbour (some old twat with crutches), rudely lets me in so I am stood in their garden pissed as a fart and what do I see? My uncle half way in (or out) of the window to the bathroom, wriggles a bit and finally falls in and proceeds to let me in. In the house now and Barry tells me he found the keys, he goes upstairs and all I hear is "I told you to put those BLOODY keys in the lock box!"

To summarise; put your BLOODY keys somewhere safe, don't end up giving them to a friend and/or family member when they're in a state like that. As funny as it was, I am just glad my uncle's partner got home safe.

After a fuck load of interviews and lazy weeks of watching Breaking Bad to ease the pain of waiting for companies to get back to me, it finally paid off. A few weeks ago I finally got an email confirming my placement with BT (3 year apprenticeship for Transimission) which will enable me to become a full time engineer provided that I complete the programme to an immense level of greatness. Luckily for me, this is something I have always wanted to do as a job, but I didn't think I'll even get the chance to even get a start in due to bad grades in both college and school, yet I managed to get one step closer to a career I very much desire. The apprenticeship starts in October and I managed to send off the rest of the paper work ready to begin. It just goes to show that you should never give up trying or give up hope, regardless of how well you done. This time though I will try a lot harder than I have done before as this is one chance I don't want to blow.

So, I have decided that it is about time to pack up smoking, I noticed that my parents started and that they had this new E-Cigarette thing that cost about 15 quid. Having used some before to try and pack up and not succeeding I decided to give my view point on them, they're shit and to be honest, I would rather just continue with roll ups than smoke that load of shit. My parents responded by saying that they work quite well and I have noticed a dramatic drop in how much they smoke now. Curiosity struck me on this so I decided to buy one.

It's called the "Cloud 9 vaporisor", (what a shitty name, ey?) It's rechargeable and it works by buying a small bottle of liquid called "K liquid" that goes for a fiver (no, it's not Vitamin K liquidised before anyone asks, heh) which you have to fill the device up with and it comes in a variety of different flavours, "classic Virginia", "golden Virginia", "Blueberry" and even a "energy drink" flavour. I have been using it for the past week now and I have noticed a drop in the amount I smoke now (now 50 grams of Drum Blue lasts a lot longer than just over a week). Hopefully now I can pack up for good by the end of the year.

So, today I had another interview regarding benefits it was all going well, until the bitch next door comes along. I have for the past few years worked in a cash in hand job once a week which of course, is against the law. She spoke to my advisor and they both kept glaring at me (she was most likely telling her this) to which I had to put down details regarding this. I had to lie of course in order to prevent the business for who I work for being jeopardised. He is currently in hospital sadly along with his wife so I had to tell the next person in charge (who also runs a stall) that I will have to quit tomorrow thanks to this stupid load of shit that's cropped up thanks to fucking benefits. I shouldn't have applied in the first place and continued to defy my family by not applying (which I did for a long time). The only benefit from this is a few meetings to help me with some things and some travel money but I kind of wish I was back at school now, instead of doing the same applying for shit daily and not getting an answer back. Oh what a wonderous couple of years it has been.

So, unfortunately my step dad kept telling me to apply for benefits and sadly I have to resort to that for now until I can somehow get another interview (and hopefully a bloody job). I went off to the job centre about an hour ago following the address from the text, which might I add, included the address for the Biggleswade site. I arrived, I told them I have an interview and what happens? Apparently I am supposed to be in the job centre in Bedford yet they have given me the Biggleswade address, so I show him the address to which he responds that it's a "common mistake", how fucking stupid. I mean, I don't want to be on it at all but I could do with some travel money and some help to get an actual job then this "common mistake" occurs. If it's so common for this to happen then sort it out son.

It doesn't help matters that my step dad keeps telling me how easy it is and says don't just apply for any old job. Another thing that takes the piss is that at the end of last year I found a nice little IT job that I thought I would like in "today's local jobs", I go home to apply only to find it was removed from the site (had a closing date for the 4th of this month and this was in December), I know these things happen but that's twice that's happened now. Last year I also applied for both of the recruitment agencies and they never got back. My friend went with both and he managed to get a call back from one of them though they stopped calling him. It really hasn't been the best start to the year but I guess I have just got to keep powering on despite my lack of experience. I now feel that going to college was a complete waste of time now if I can't find anything at all.

So, earlier this year I left college and have had about 8 months of unemployment and finally a company called me on Friday. Is this good? In a way yes but the job I applied for was only because I was desperate. The interview is tomorrow in Hitchin (heh), for a call centre. Don't get me wrong, I can take insults seeing as they're just words but out of all the companies I applied for, it just had to be the last resort one.

It wouldn't hurt to have got some form of contact from the other jobs to see if they got my application or what, I mean, what's the deal here? Companies are too tight to part with paper or sending an email is what the deal is. If I get it, then good, if not, then oh well at least I get to improve my interview skills just like my old apprenticeship placement I applied for a good 2 or 3 years back, (I respect this company for actually getting back to me and it has given me some form of hope). Well, at least I get to don a suit for the first time in ten years (suit for a call centre?). So I suppose there are some upsides.

Edit: Sorry if there's any typos, on my phone.