Springy
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I am not entirely sure if this is entirely normal behaviour but I have noticed something over the years. Most mornings, I get up, have my shower, get ready etc. I check most rooms in the house with my phone light thoroughly and I leave the house, lock the door and end up coming back within seconds to double check if it is locked. Later, going about my daily business as usual, I worry that the house might get broken into and keep having thoughts about it I also worry at night when I am asleep if someone's in the house sometimes causing me to wake up at some points of the night (mostly due to an event that resulted last year when some repeatedly knocked on the door past 2 in the morning and kept trying the door hand, this also happened to my old teacher a few weeks back). At work recently, I have noticed that I only feel comfortable asking questions to certain people at work and yet I still rarely ask my boss or anyone else who is near me I always go towards the people I know or wait for them to come back if they have gone. Now, this has been natural for me for a few years, but it has never interrupted much in the name of social activities although nowadays, I don't tend too leave the house as much. I recently lied about not being able to attend my cousins birthday as I am worried about my dad being there amongst other people I haven't met. Now I have only recently put two and two together and it feels like I am not me anymore. I have been thinking about going to see a doctor but I did that the other week in response to bad stomach pains which appeared to be nothing at all (according to the doctor) so now I am a bit anxious to book an appointment in case it appears to be nothing.
Does anyone else experience this? I know it's an odd thing to be mentioning on a forum of all places, but now it feels like I am stuck in an endless loop and unable to do much, but I also have this feeling buried deep in my head that I should just continue and think not bother other people about it. Including my own parents.- Show previous comments 2 more
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durian has said what was needed to say. It's normatively pointless to worry about the normality of your experience, especially when normality is such a ridiculous concept or standard for everyone to measure to; no-one could ever satisfy such a concept realistically.
My first thought that came to mind would be that you might have a degree of anxiety; I know several people who have it, one of them is what I would consider my best friend. If anything, they share their roots with depression (which I've had for a while), a nature of uncertainty or the inability to relate to reality or to themselves. It's not particularly uncommon, particularly considering how the world is shitty and existentially uncomfortable, especially when there aren't any comfortable individuals that can act as anchors for you. As a deaf philosophy student myself, I rely heavily on anchors myself; but then again, every 'normal' people should have anchors somehow/somewhat in their lives. Talking to a professional would help out, guide you on how you should think cognitively speaking (as durian suggested) or how you should make yourself feel affectively. They are by no means be-all-end-all solutions; nothing ever is when it comes to the mental condition of people, but it's certainly a good start to collect more mental tools and concepts to work with for the rest of your life. -
I'm also for the advice that durian gave. It's not normal to feel that way, and if it's to the level that it's interrupting your usual social activities, it's time to get some help. CBT works wonders.
I don't have the same sort of triggers that you do, but I do suffer from anxiety. So much that I'm now going on disability for it. So I know what you're going through. Hang in there. -
Oh shit! Update: Been off CBT for a number of months now. Noticed a mass improvement in attitude. I also noticed that I am a lot more motivated now, (enough so that I have actually held my job for almost a whole year). I would honestly recommend that if anyone went through the phase I went through that it's better to say something and get some guidance. Even if it doesn't seem much you can actually find a bit more of a problem within.