roadworx

Dear amalgoom, clippy crew, and doomworld. I would like to make a formal apology
 
when i was 16, I joined doomworld because I enjoyed making maps. As I grew I met people, got around, had ideas, some failed, some went chaotic and the people I crossed, most of the time left a bad impression.
 
I write this to say, I apologize for all the grief I have caused while as "Johnny Cruelty" I will *not bullshit and try to excuse my behavior. I was a dickhead, not because I was young, but because I was acting stupid and didn't think to stop. I was a terrible Project leader, I often was too bossy and got too obsessed over the smallest issues of a map, and thought every bit of critiscism was a personal attack. i was foolish very foolish. I took people's kindness for weakness, I didn't stop to think "hey these are people with lives and feelings, these aren't employees, these are PEOPLE" I did value these people but not enough, as my rude attitude outshined my respect for them, and in turn people casted me out, a pariah. One such individual I pissed off the most was @doomgappy he was a nice guy, and when the last straw was hit, when I got mad at him making "big" changes to small stuff, he couldn't take it, he lost his cool, he got so mad he was just done trying to help me and wanted me no more. at the time, out of guilt, even at my peak assholishness, a fragment of me realized how much of a asshole I was, and I passed the torch to him, and was exiled. sometime after that, I tried reaching out again, but I still was not quite... in good terms and he told me to get away from him, I was sad and mad but after a bit I understood and moved on. However some advice he told me before he exiled me, was "Just make a new fresh start and maybe one day things will be better again." so I did, I made grungo as not just a new fresh skin, but something more... something you might call... a "Gimmick" I spoke like Torr from fallout 2, and donned a blue velvet suit. My motto was "What would grungo do" which was the opposite of Johnny Cruelty... While some elements of JC leaked, I tried to maintain this new persona, by being nice as much as I could and aspired to be a better person, saying nice things on wads, making nice jokes, trying to do better in art. at first it was a suit, akin to a wolf in sheep's clothing, but I felt better being Grungo so I embraced it. Instead of me pretending to be someone I am not, I shaped myself to something I wanna be. But I must admit, even when I am trying to change, I admit I am not perfect, and sometimes I am a ass, I cannot lie, But I try and I understand if I keep trying to change, I will be like pinnocho, Grungo won't be a persona to me anymore,  but more of a reality of what's me. I'd also like to apologize for being annoying, that's on me and I should learn to control myself more, I am getting older and no longer a kid anymore.
 
In short I wanna say sorry for my misdeeds, and I don't expect forgiveness nor a slap on the wrist, I understand I left scars on people, scars that may not heal. and I understand some people just don't wanna do anything with me, and that's ok.
 
I just gotta take it easy day by day..
 
 
as for the persona, I might keep it up, because some people like it, and that outburst last night was me angered by some, and I understand some people take offense to the persona and see it as a sign of not taking up responsilibility and I understand it. 

But I take total responsiblity for my childish behavior and just hope for the best
 
signing off, Grungo.

rip memfis ):
 
he was one of the best posters on here...

In the latest twist to the osteomyelitis saga, it looks like I might get to go home today after all. I've still got to get a PICC line inserted while I'm unconscious, have IV drugs delivered to my house, and figure out who's going to be doing what and going where over the next few days. I may be riding down to Austin with a tennis ball full of cefepime infusing into me en route. Stay tuned.

Well, smeg. I'm stuck in the hospital for another night. Saw my podiatrist this evening and learned that my white blood cell count had jumped from 12 to 15 overnight. He's keeping me to see if it goes down in the morning. If it does, he'll let me go home. If not...well, we'll come to that if it happens.
 
I also learned that family Christmas has been temporarily postponed due to illness of several of the hosting family members. Looks like I'm not the only one sick, although I am the only one in the hospital. It'll be rescheduled soon.

I've finally met with the infectious disease doctor, and there has been a bit of a revision to the story. Here goes.
 
Once the bone biopsy sample decalcified, parts of it were sent to two different labs - pathology and microbiology. Pathology studied it under the microscope and determined that it had been subjected to acute osteomyelitis. Microbiology tried to grow cultures from it, but since I'd been on antibiotics for over 5 days already, nothing new grew, so they were unable to determine exactly what kind of organism was causing the osteomyelitis.
 
As a result, I'm going to have to remain on the two broad-spectrum IV antibiotics I'm already on...for 6 weeks. I'm not going home any time soon. I'll most likely be sent to another Skilled Nursing Center, LTAC, or something similar. I'm pretty sure of the place I'll go - I've been there twice before.
 
So much for family Christmas. Sigh.

I'm in the queue for more surgery, Sunday morning. The podiatrist isn't happy with the pain I'm still having and thinks there may still be hidden abscesses, so he's going to go in and find out. He'll check out the bottom of my foot, and the inner side of my big toe. I'm hoping he cleans out whatever he finds.

My right foot and my lower right leg are closer to normal, thanks to the 1-2 punch of the vancomycin and the cefepime. Meanwhile, the bone biopsy sample continues to show no growth in the lab, according to the doctors. If this continues through Wednesday, I may be able to come home Thursday with just a prescription for oral antibiotics instead of IV antibiotics. This would allow my wife and myself to go down to the family Christmas get-together in the Georgetown (north of Austin) area this weekend, making my wife extremely happy. ;) Only time will tell.

I have been told by my hospital doctor this morning that my bone biopsy has shown signs of growth in the medium. In short, I have osteomyelitis.
 
How this is going to affect my schedule is uncertain right now. They still don't know what kind of infection I have in my bone, but in any case it's going to require IV antibiotics. I might be able to go home with them, but it's doubtful. I'll find out more when I see the infectious diseases doctor later today.
 
No idea how this is going to affect family Christmas yet. Sigh.

I'm getting really tired of sleeping upright. Allow me to explain.
 
It's damn near impossible for me to lie down flat for any length of time. The reason? The torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder. Lying down puts stress on the tear, no matter which side I lie on: either I get direct pressure from leaning on it, or gravity pulls on it when it's up in the air. Either way, after a very short while, my pain level skyrockets to where it's intolerable. It used to hit somewhere close to a 10 on the 0-to-10 pain scale that doctors like to use to quantify pain, but since my Dilaudid (hydromorphone) dosage got increased, it's more like a 9 or 9.5. Still, we're talking damn-near unbearable pain.
 
This obviously interferes with my sleep. How does one sleep when one can't lie down to go to sleep? Answer: one sits up and goes to sleep upright, in my case in a recliner because I have to keep my legs elevated (do a Google search on the term HFpEF and you'll see why). I usually put my chin down on my chest and fall asleep that way. It doesn't always work, though, and I find myself not wanting to fall asleep that way at other times just because...well, just because if fscking gets old after a while. I miss putting my head on a pillow and waking up 8 hours later.
 
As a result, I think I've worked myself into a sleep crisis now. I can't fall asleep when I want to, but I don't want to fall asleep when I need to, and when I need to stay awake, I can't. It's a vicious cycle that would make Mazda and their Wankel engineers proud.
 
Fortunately, my rotator cuff surgery is...what, 16 days away now? What's December 15th from now? I was never good with date math. Anyway, I'm getting close to the beginning of the end of all of this, or at least I hope I am. Once the healing process takes hold, I'll eventually be able to sleep lying down again. I hope.

I am in the hospital with an infection in my right foot. It has swollen up out of control, especially my big toe. The doctors have been giving me powerful antibiotics (Zosyn and Vancomycin), but they're not working. My podiatrist came in today, drained the big toe, and sent off the fluid for a culture. He also ordered a CT scan on my foot to see if there were any additional pockets of infection hidden away that he needs to cut out. We're still working on this, with no end in sight yet.

Some relief for my pain might be upcoming soon. I've been in touch with a shoulder surgeon about getting my torn right rotator cuff fixed. The first doctor I approached turned me down because I had too many other problems with which he wasn't willing to deal (including a need for post-op inpatient rehab). This second doctor is much more cooperative and has a much better bedside manner, and he's accepted me as a patient. Now that I've got certain other maladies healed up, he's put things in motion in a big way. First off, he's scheduled me for surgery on Friday, December 15th. He also called me *himself* to discuss certain matters involving the surgery yesterday, including the fact that I don't need another MRI because my last one was right at one year ago. So, here's what I've got going so far:
 
- Call primary care physician and cardiologist today and schedule appointments prior to December 8th.
- Make arrangements for lifting recliner chair rental prior to surgery from medical goods outlet.
- Stop taking 81mg Aspirin dose one week prior to surgery.
 
That's it, except for actually having the surgery itself. I'm not looking forward to the 4 to 6 weeks of post-op pain and immobility (i.e., right arm in a sling), especially since I'm extremely right-handed, but I *am* looking forward to the eventual resolution of the constantly massive rotator cuff tear pain. I'll keep you up to date on the progress.

Miss your positive outlook around here, mate. Hope you're doing well wherever you are.

I really like the people here.

he's BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rip memfis ):
 
he was one of the best posters on here...

stresssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

your banner is adorable <3

he's back :ooo

he's back :ooo

come back, please, i have to play john.wad and shotgunshelly.wad

I just wanted to let you guys know that I love you all. Thank you for being there for me, for reaching out to me, and for being concerned. I will be back soon to reply to all of you individually, and to respond to personal messages. Please do not think I am ignoring any of you.
 
This community is good for me and it was a mistake to leave. All it did was leave me feeling lonely. It would have been healthier to remain here with my friends instead of withdrawing and leaving everyone to worry about me. I am very sorry for doing that. I normally would not do something like that, but I have been recieving punch after punch from every direction. I already have severe issues with depression and what I've been through lately made me suicidal in a way that was beyond what I can tolerate. I am hoping that things get better.
 
I am very lucky to have all of you, I consider you real friends, and you are more than usernames and avatars. You are real people who have made a real impact on my life and my overall happiness. I am proud to be a member of this community. I never guessed that joining a forum about an old video game would have a real, positive impact on my life. I hope I have brought laughter and joy in return. I would really like to get closer to all of you. If I have ever hurt your feelings, I am sorry, and if I have ever made you smile, I hope to do it again.
 
I will see you guys soon.

Why did the "Why did the myhouse thread close?" thread close? DoomBoy, you keep closing all of these MyHouse.PK3 threads. What is going on? What even is the enigmatic DoomChild? What do you want with us? Are you keeping Veddge hostage in your basement? Is that why they haven't said a word since posting MyHome.MAP? Please! We need answers! We need to continue discussing MyResidence.BSP for the Nintendo GamePrism™!

he obviously does not know how to whip that nae nae

please be okay ;-;

please be okay ;-;