Final Verdict

Thanks Bio, sorry for the late response.

This is the first time I've been on DW since my mother went into hospital. She passed away about a week later, despite doctors telling me everyday that today was the day. Stubborn to the end.

I was lucky enough to be one of the few who were able to see their loved one before they went (due to Covid rules), but to be honest I wish I hadn't seen it. It's soul crushing to see your mother suffering and be absolutely powerless to do anything about it. 

Long story short: she beat the virus, but not the pneumonia. Her system was weakened from the 2 week battle with Covid. She had nothing left to fight off the severe pneumonia that came after. Add to that fact she was almost 80 (believe it or not today would have been her birthday) and I suppose she was lucky to even last that long.

Anyway, no one wants to listen to this kind of talk and who can blame them? It's not exactly uplifting. But you know how it is.

In any case, if nothing else the above can serve as an update to anyone who wondered what happened after my last update. Apologies for that 'cliff hanger' I have been a little zoned out lately.

I'm not sure it's wise to jump onto the forums just yet. I'm generally quite mentally robust as I've mentioned before, but I would be lying if I said the last 2 years haven't worn me down. Besides, I wouldn't be my usual self.

I was just popping on because for whatever reason my mothers birthday also reminded me that I hadn't been on DW for ages.... I'm as baffled as you are as to how or even why my brain linked that daisy-chain together, but there you go.

Actually I suppose it's easy: feeling blue> do this to cheer yourself up. Some people find that at the bottom of the glass or some other substance, so if we follow that thread then apparently my brain decided DW was that happy place...

Personally I think it was slacking and this was a low-effort attempt to bring me to a happy place if ever I saw one. I mean really? Doomworld was your answer to this? Just imagine a fist shaking at a naked brain and you'll see what image I have in my head right now. That was a pathetic attempt at subtlety brain, downright shameful.

Anyway, despite the early stages of insanity on display with this post I was originally just going to update my status, but then I saw your comment so this happened instead.

A perfect example of why I'm going to wait before I get back to the forums. Not that I ever came across as a mentally sound person to begin with, but you get the idea. It's for the best lest I misinterpret words/posts/actions in this state of mind. I have enough sense to know that much.

Not that I think I would, it may not seem like it sometimes but I'm quite a rational/grounded person. *stares vacantly at paragraphs above*.... whatever, that's not the point. Point is I highly doubt I would do that, but I would rather not tempt it. Good days and bad days, you know how it works.

In any case, where was I before that rude interruption? Ah yes! I'll try and get back on after the new year even if it's just once a week at first. It's not a good idea right now, I might seem my whimsical eccentric self but that's more akin to a defence mechanism at the moment.

I just noticed how ridiculous in size this has become. Another fine wall of incoherent rambling from yours truly. I suppose it's good to see some things haven't changed, but I better slap a 'no return address' label on this and be done with it. 

Thanks again bio and forgive the late reply. You'll probably regret it when I do get back though, assuming you're not already regretting it and marking it on the calendar heh. 

Sarcasm aside I do genuinely appreciate the sentiment/thought. Be lucky and hopefully I'll see you around on the forums after the new year.

I'm sorry, Final Verdict. You seem to be handling it as well as one could, and I know text sympathy from people far away don't do much to ease the pain, but I felt such a mix of sadness with an undertone of amusement when reading your post - sad of course because of your loss.. but your writing style is just so self-reflective and amusing that you managed to make me laugh while reading this, all centering around an event so awful in your life. The way you presented this, complete with self-interruptions, just felt "sweet" for lack of a better word, all things considered.

I find the ability to turn your own pain into something that entertains others to be a great talent, so thank you. (Hell, why am I mentioning what made me smile - you're the one who has suffered and I'm just a random bystander reading a brief glimpse of your situation. I just think conversion of personal sadness into amusement for others is noble, in a sense..)

Anyway, I hope you're doing alright and taking care of yourself.