CFWMagic

Nihilism. I've recently went to therapy to finally address my glaring mental issues. The TL;DR of that is: "You care too much." So ... At this point, if nothing matters, why care? Helps me deal with burnout and depression. Another trick is detachment from myself. When I absolutely need to get some work done, but really can't bring myself to care about it. Happiness and fulfillment isn't guaranteed. So ... I suppose I got used to eating shit. I'm even starting to pick up some fine flavors ... Example of this is playing Plutonia. There's noithing about doom I hate more than Plutonia. So when I picked up the decino challenge and ran PL2 UV-Fast, I was EXTREMELY pissed about it. Nothing about PL2 was fun. It was utter torture and I regret playing it with every single fiber of my being. Did it stop me from completing the challenge? Hell naw. Just care less about what you think. No way that's gonna end up badly for your mental health. (For legal reasons. The above two sentences are a joke.)

I'll leave this here. https://www.moddb.com/games/doom-iii/downloads/doom-3-custom-community-edition1 Based on sikkmod. Has a few other things plugged into it. Makes Doom 3 the System Shock 3 it was destined to be.

Go the opposite way. Rename the textures you're replacing with by what is tagged in your wad. Lazytm.

Meant this. But high as fuck and shortened to "has no open gl". Thankyou for correcting me on my path to doomnerdery. I now see the errors of my ways.

There are hundreds upon hundreds of sourceports .. And some have several names too ... I still call Zandronum Skulltag out of habit ... NT and ATB were early windows ports for doom, apparently. Then there's some heretic things added in. Bugfixes and such. ZDoom itself spawned many things, including the aforementioned Skulltag. Though calling GZDoom Graf Zahl Doom is a very funny meme which is not at all the metaphoric dead horse. And doubling down on that isn't at all like beating said horse with a blunt object.

G for OpenGL. Supported by LZDoom which has no opengl. And ZDoom ... No idea what it stands for. ZDoom's own wiki claims it's based on ATBDoom and NTDoom but I can't find the names of key early developers. Probably someone's initial.

Clever. Soulsphere - Nice. Megasphere - Righteous! Invuln - HOLYFUCKLMAO Blursphere - Seen/Word.

Left to right, the letters flow, the sentence sings. I can't be sure of my own thoughts, yet things make sense. Be it sadness, weighing on me until my heart sinks, Or be it joy, genuine smile without pretense, Everything has it's place, it's purpose and it's time, Was not the right time nor place to try to make you mine. There are no regrets however. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's thanks to both hurt and pleasure that I can proudly say: I've learned so much, in so short an interval, You've landed a bullseye, hit me with a fast-ball. Yet I do not regret it, not one bit, no matter how rough, Failure only made me push harder, pain only made me tough. There's nothing to love, nothing to cherish, Sometimes I wish I would wither and perish, At other times I want to to dance in joy, And yet at others, paranoia tells me it's a ploy. Finally I end up throwing all my efforts in the trash, Yet I backup all my thoughts in this little stash. Back and forth, a dance of death with my own mind, This situation is unique, and you are one of a kind. At times I wonder if I can trust you at all, At times I blame all but myself for my downfall, At others I feel nothing but happines, but peace, Everything fades out, and I just feel at ease. Just like a coin, two faces to a problem, Be it myself or the fears I fear to face, There are many issues. And as I try to solve them, I face victory and failure, honor and disgrace. I face success, which I don't know how to achieve, I face failure, which makes me forget to breathe. I won't promise you anything, because I'm lost, There's just too much I do not know, including the cost. The price I'll have to pay, The right path, the correct way, I won't know no matter how hard I pray, That is why I want you to have your say. I'm an idiot, I know that much by now. Despite obsessing with research and knowledge, I end up confused, I end up wrong anyhow. Frustration flows through me, like voltage. I hate being wrong, I hate losing control, The only way through is let go of it all. Perhaps the point was not about being right. As I let go, I wonder why my chest was so tight. I wanted to be the best I can be, Any solution was right, so long as the problem is me. Never satisfied, not until every motion was perfect, Obsessed with stressing, it's way too late now that I saw it. We can never go back, that much I can now understand. I was so obsessed with losing, I took my last stand. Now that I've lost it all, perhaps I can start anew. The girl I loved was an image. She was not you. Acknowledging that, however, is a new start. Surviving defeat, after all, is an art. I won't ask for no quarter, no pity, no leeway. I'll lick up my wounds and fight to make it through another day. The passion isn't dead, on the contrary even. It's been tried and tested, it's something I believe in. For the first time in my entire life, After being defeated, I'll seek out yet more strife. I don't know what the future holds, won't try to guess. Life is just not something that I can predict or process. Won't ever know what's in store, can't keep failure at bay, But with the stakes this high, I wouldn't have it any other way. Won't demand, won't beg, won't ask for yet another chance. Instead I'll raise my fists, take up a fighting stance. Don't know who to trust, don't know what is true, But there's one thing I do know, I care about you. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what to do. But when I'm in hell, I know the only way is through. Things may never work out, I might never get what I want, But at least this mess means more than just a stunt. No matter what happens from here on out, At least I'll have something to write about. Something to remember you by, fondly or otherwise, And that is worth more than discerning truth or lies. Just like me, you too are not perfect. You've made mistakes. I'll take a moment to appreciate it, instead of rising the stakes. I won't ask you for it, because it's up to me to take a chance, I'm the only person in charge, the one to whom I must make amends. But that doesn't mean that you have no place in that calculation, You're merely another part of the whole, a side of the equation. I'm the only one I can trust. The only one I can save. That will probably remain true until I reach my grave. That said, I did learn something for the disaster at hand. There is something that I can now understand. Instead of having no choice, instead of being a slave, I choose what to believe, I choose how to behave. What's in the past, is now over. It's gone. Doesn't mean that I have to face it alone. Maybe the girl that I loved is now gone. Or maybe she never existed. Was it me or you? Who was the reason that my mind got twisted? The answer does not matter. No point to seek it out or chase it. Instead of running from change, I ought to embrace it. What's gone is gone, what has been done is set in stone, But what's to come depends upon us. That choice is yours and mine alone. I don't know how long it will take, how it will happen, or if it'll happen at all. I don't know what's ahead, don't know if it's a flight or a fall. I've been deluded. To the point where I failed to discover, The person that you are underneath the beautiful cover. But [Edited for privacy], you've failed to see something as well. I still want to be by your side, even if it's pure Hell. Thankyou for burning me, I'll remember to keep my hands away from the fire. But I won't walk away. I'm still here. And not just out of desire. I've learned more. I've been humbled. Here I stand, corrected. The pain that you've inflicted, I'm not ready to forget it. All that in mind ... Here I am. Right before you, I stand. Instead of the fantasy, instead of the lie, I now ask for your hand.

Indeed, I am. Though haven't been back in the country for a very long while. And while Uspenski is very popular in late-soviet times. It provided much needed relief from the more ... Focused ... Literature that the party would insist people read. Uspenski is also popular as a research topic in children's schools and thus many know his works because of literature classes in general education. In my case ... I do remember it vaguely. But I've never been a big fan of tales. Sci-Fi is more my thing. Started reading Sergey Lukyanenko some 24 years ago, actually. Before the man sold out Night Watch/Day Watch. He had some interesting space operas.

Pandemonium. Hell. Winters are nice and warm, but you really want a clim to make it out here in the summer.

Go ahead. Do it.

Mostly THC. Either smoke it or bake it. Though I need to quit, so I can drop nicotine while I'm at it. Aside from that, your regular medical grade addictions. Mostly opioids. Thanks to being psychotic, I get all sort of drugs and it's legal. Sadly medical drugs tend to make me even more psychotic. One day, I took some benzos to calm down. I woke up the next day, covered in blood, with a hole in my knee. Personal favorites are MDMA (Molly, xtc), LSD, weed and morphine (injectors). DISCLAIMER: Drugs are bad. For the most part, you shouldn't be using any. There are rare occasion where drugs are useful but for the most part it won't help you.

It's typically either full PsyOps or a mix of Marine/Navy. I'm in the latter part. Used to go with standard weapons, but went heavy instead as the grenade launcher is available from the start and is perhaps the most versatile weapon. There are a few unbreakable weapons in the game too. A pistol in the med/sci armory and a shotgun in the med/sci maints. Typically I level standard to 3, hacking to as much as I can and then hack/recycle everything to make grenades while subsisting on shotgun ammo from hybrids for sweeping fodder.

System Shock 2 needs a few mods to give it it's best. One example would be a mod which lets you return to the Von Braun up until the point of ejecting from the Rickenbacker. A few rebalances are in order too because a lot of weapons, items and skills in the game are way too niche if not outright useless while others are no-brainers. Start with this: https://www.systemshock.org/index.php?topic=4447.0 It'll probably improve your experience several-fold. Incidentally there's some basic modding for System Shock 1 as well. A level editor called InkyBlackness. And make for some interesting ways to adjust the game too. If you're going that route, have something to help you out: https://www.it-he.org/sshock.php