zark

Hi folks, it's everyone's favourite Scotsman here, with another round of good, bad and downright ugly WADs for you to salivate over. I can hear you asking, Mr. zarkyb sir, what WADs should I play this week? What WADs should I avoid? How can I become as awesome as you? Well, in response to your first two questions, I can help. But I'm afraid that it's impossible for anyone to be as awesome as me. One of the facts of life! Anyway, this is my first /Newstuff Chronicles and hopefully not my last, so time to get these pre-college writing skills out and get cracking! What better way to start than with a joke! A space marine walks into a bar. Ouch! It was a Baron of Hell! An imp walks into a club. Ouch! It was a Manclubus! Dr. Betruger walks into a bar. They don't serve him. Please note: I can not be held responsible for any sides split during the reception of that joke. Now on to the WADs. Deep Space Explorer - "Gill Hates" Boom Compatible - Solo Play - 1,011kb - The playing of this map was a milestone in my life. It was the first WAD of my first /newstuff review. After this, I would no longer be a /newstuff virgin. Amusingly, I find it quite appropriate, in a mocking way, that the WAD would FAIL TO LOAD. I can just hear Mr. "Gill Hates" now, laughing at me. PROS - Uh... none? CONS - It doesn't work. The marine's rating: Kaiser's Strife Script Compiler v1.1 - Kaiser Strife Support - n/a - 39kb A nice little surprise, this is a little utility that allows users to make their own scripts for that fabulous game, Strife. The scripts made with it can be used on all source ports including ZDoom. The zip file includes a few tutorials and sample scripts to help you get started. PROS - Now people can make Strife scripts! CONS - I paid full price for Strife... that's £34.99! It was only a few years ago too. Completed it in a weekend. What a rip-off. Couldn't they lower the price a little? Could they bollocks. The marine's rating: Goomba - Ruba doom.exe - Solo Play - 5kb - This is WAD from 1994... wait a minute. Sorry, this is a new WAD by (I'm assuming) new author Ruba. It's a very basic level for Doom, with two enemy types, and takes about a couple of minutes to complete. Nothing special here. PROS - No map errors. CONS - Possibly the most basic map I've ever seen, too short. The marine's rating: Connex - Ruba doom.exe - Solo Play - 11kb - Another map by Ruba, Connex is a bunch of red "circular" rooms, each one having one of Doom's monsters in it. This is the kind of thing that you do when you're new to editing, but still, I don't see the point in releasing it. PROS - More than 2 monster types. CONS - Less than 2 room types. The marine's rating: Daffie Uck - Ruba doom.exe - Solo Play - 35kb - The amazingly fantastic description in the text file says "A Doom new level map for E1M3. It's really good looking like my boyfriend." It's probably the best description I've ever read. Judging from this map, Ruba's boyfriend looks like a large square room filled with square columns, with lava on the ceiling and sky on the floor. Ruba, if you're reading this: I suggest your boyfriend sees a plastic surgeon immediately; it must be hell to find a job looking like that. PROS - More detailed than Ruba's previous efforts. CONS - Ugly as sin. The marine's rating: Supernaught - Samuel "Kaiser" Villarreal Boom Compatible - Solo Play - 325kb - To be completely honest here, I haven't played any of Kaiser's previous works. Hell, I hardly even play Doom. But I knew Kaiser's reputation for being a great mapper so, after all the crap I'd been wading my way through this week, this was a welcome change - and what a change. From the start, this looks like a small, cramped level with some nice detail. But it's much more than that. Supernaught looks cramped, but there's enough room to manoeuvre - the battles are frantic but there's enough ammo and health to keep you going. This map certainly looks a lot smaller than it is, and I have to admit, muggins here got himself lost a good few times, although not badly lost. It's gorgeous to look at too, with a liberal sprinkling of detail. The last battle is tough but involves a fair bit of thought (then again, I've never really been known for my Doom skills). Overall, this is a great map, you won't be disappointed. PROS - Great, frantic gameplay, lots but not too much detail, perfect difficulty balance. CONS - I have no sense of direction in Doom. The marine's rating: The Island 2 - Jason Farlow ZDoom - Solo Play - 4131kb - An appropriately named sequel to The Island, The Island 2 is a single map for ZDoom with a whole caboodle of new sprites and textures. There are a lot of alternative monster types from the infamous monster resource WAD here, including a bazillion different types of imps. This map is DARK. I found myself notching up the gamma a fair bit so that I could actually see. But what I did see, I liked very much. This map is gorgeous; not gorgeous in your typical Doom sense, but in the sense that it pulls off a dark, moody, tropical island extremely well. The first part of this map is a combination of slopey outdoor areas, lit by a dull grey sky, and a few claustrophobic caves. I hope you like imps because there are a lot of them here. I found myself getting caught off-guard by rogue raindrops, thinking they were imps' horns. But then I do get scared easily. The caves lead to a huge industrial facility with a truly breathtaking interior. If you like big noisy machinery, conveyor belts, and tacky coloured lighting, this map might consider filing a restraining order on you - it has them in abundance. The Island 2 is very atmospheric, and has a different feel to Doom. I feel there are two types of ZDoom maps - those which feel like Doom but with a bunch of pretty features and the occasional new texture, and those which shy away from the typical Doom feeling a little bit, with a ton of new visuals and a whole different atmosphere. This is definitely the latter. A very good WAD, if you fancy something a little different, and definitely worth the download. PROS - Gorgeous, very fun to play, different. CONS - A little confusing at times, a tad too dark, different. The marine's rating: Return to Phobos - Godcells jDoom - Solo Play - 368kb - It's not a well known fact that me and JDoom don't get along. In fact, I had to install it just to play this map, then struggle with it for a good couple of hours (ok, half an hour at most) to get it to actually work, then tell it off for copying my IWADs into its own directory. But when I finally got it up and running, I was pleasantly surprised. This is a good, fun Doom map, with not very many of the over-the-top bells and whistles JDoom is renowned for. Sure, there's some nice, subtle dynamic coloured lighting in there, but nothing that takes the emphasis away from what is a nice, solid map. There's a lot of to-ing and fro-ing around the place, and it is challenging, but not overly difficult. If your direction sense is anything like mine you'll probably get a little confused, and you can't blame that on being distracted by huge lens flares flying towards you from every angle. Overall, a very nice level, and if you've been turned off JDoom by its lens flares, glowing walls and enough lights to power a small country for a decade, you should gives this a try. PROS - Solid, challenging, fun and pretty. CONS - A little confusing at times. The marine's rating: The Nutty Wad - Milian & Cybershark ZDoom - Solo Play - 3121kb - Well, this WAD is, in a word, nutty. There's 32 levels in all, every one of them a deathmatch map, and every one of them different. There's an ice rink. There's a level set in a room that's completely white. There's a swimming pool. And there's even a level based on the TV show "Blockbusters". So much variety. Being lonely, there was nobody I could play these maps with, but I imagine they could be very good fun. A twist to the normal deathmatch experience perhaps. However, some of the maps have a mock-feel to them, and that texture of the girl's eye from the movie "The Grudge" is just freaky. If you can get past the mock feel of this WAD and you're bored of ordinary deathmatch, then this is the WAD for you. PROS - Lots of variety, some interesting ideas. CONS - Feels like a joke WAD, I have nobody to play with. The marine's rating: Like a Hole - Juan "JacKThERiPPeR" Arroyo Limit Removing - Deathmatch - 1007kb - Another DM WAD, this time of the more ordinary variety, Like a Hole reminds me a lot of Quake 3 for some reason. It's a fairly small level, with a brick theme throughout. It's your fairly typical deathmatch level, which is its bonus as well as its downfall - it's rather too generic. But with a good soundtrack, and good weapon placement, this makes a fun deathmatch level. Recommended to all you deathmatchers out there. PROS - A good solid deathmatch level, good soundtrack. CONS - Nothing stands out. The marine's rating: Not Enough Brown Shit - TRSV doom2.exe - Solo Play - 68kb - The title doesn't beat around the bush. This map really is full of brown shit. Though I do disagree - there is definitely enough brown shit. This is a small, brown map. There really isn't much else to say. It's rather easy, and it's a little small, but other than that it's a fairly fun level. PROS - Good for a quick blast. CONS - A little short, rather boring colour scheme. The marine's rating: 8 Bit CTF - G0dCells, Hobomaster, Nestea and SnowRobot ZDaemon - CTF - 978kb - Following on the heels of 8BitDM is a CTF WAD in the same vein. If you like 8 colours, flashing walls, and things that go "beep!" then this is definitely for you. I'm a retro gamer at heart and the soundtrack for this WAD made me squeal with delight. In my book, you can't beat a good old whack of chip music. The maps are well designed, with the occasional classic rearing its head - the first map is based on the old game Q-Bert. Having played a fair bit of CTF in my time, these maps seem very well suited to CTF. I recommend this to anyone who enjoys a good game of CTF. PROS - Great style, fun maps, awesome soundtrack. CONS - The flashing walls may give you a headache. The marine's rating: 32 Hours in Pain - Kristian Aro doom2.exe - Solo Play - 1534kb - This is a 1998 megawad for Final Doom's TNT by Kristian Aro. By today's standards it might look a little basic, and lack the depth and quality of some of the more recent WADs, but this is still a good solid effort. There's a lot of classic Doom 2/TNT feel here, and it's certainly a challenge. Level design is good, it's no Alien Vendetta but it's still fun. The author certainly likes his traps. This WAD will definitely keep you busy for a good while, thought perhaps it isn't up to the standards of more modern megawads. PROS - A good solid megawad, it'll keep you going for a while. CONS - Maybe not quite up to today's standards. The marine's rating: Also uploaded this week were two of Kristian's other WADs from around the same time, 20 Days in Hell, and 1 Day of Hellish Revenge. AODM - hobomaster22 Limit Removing - Deathmatch - 280kb - Another DM wad, this time with 5 levels, AODM is pretty ordinary by deathmatch standards. The arenas are all pretty small, so no doubt frenzied fighting will ensue. These levels remind me of the DWANGO series - though I'm not really a veteran deathmatcher. There's enough detail, though it seems a little sparse at times, and feels a little basic. Overall, a good few DM levels that should keep you busy for a little while. PROS - 5 fun maps to keep you going. CONS - Basic in places, nothing stands out. The marine's rating: This week's guest reviewer is none other than my fellow Scot, dn. I've never seen so many red underlines in MS Word! Take it away, dn! Skulltag Online News - Brandon "exp(x)" Del Bel doom2.exe - Deathmatch - 21kb - Are you saddened by the recent death of Doom Connector? Do you mourn; do you wipe away tears and tremble with your lips every time someone mentions that deceased program's name? Me neither. Alas for Doom Connector, a happy little program that was infested with mongs. Like parasites they lolled and rofled the happy little program into death, and then shat mong shit all over its sad little corpse. This wad is a fitting epitaph to Doom Connector's short and wasted life. It is a fitting epitaph, and it too reeks with the foul odour of mong shit. Some batshit spastic made this wad. Which, contrary to the text file, does not work with doom2.exe. They made me download ZDoom. And if this wad was anything short of stellar, there would be hell to pay. The debt is due you dipshit cuntfuckers, and I am going to take every fucking penny out of your stupid, gaping, vapid arses. I can picture it now. The homeless ex-Doom Connectors, they gather in their festering trenchcoats. They gather in the virtual hobopit of this wad, which has four linedefs and a giant advertisement on the wall, a foul lament of the fate of their beloved program that they want YOU to read. It is a cry in the dark, a battle summons to the Mongols of the Doom Community to unite under the one banner and fight! Fight for their right to hang around in a bloated launching program and post each other digitized photos of their own shrivelled scrotums. Fuck whoever made this. Fuck them right in the ass. You can suck my shit until you fucking choke. Rot in hell you spastic fucktoys. Please note - the WADs after this are from 1994/1995, and to be honest, you're not missing that much if you decide that this makes a satisfactory ending to a well-written and informative article. Out of the horrendous throng that someone decided to upload this week, I've picked a few that I think deserved an honorary mention. SMILE.WAD - Unknown doom.exe - Solo Play - 16kb - There was a lot of 1994/5 stuff this week, most of them deathmatch WADs, however this single player map really stood out above the rest. The description in smile.txt says it best: "The automap shows a big smiling face with a hat." No truer words have been said. The hat is certainly an amazing addition to an otherwise fantastic level. The author's enemy and weapon placement is top-notch. Ditching the normal "give the player a steady supply of ammo, and a steady amount of monsters to face", the author has decided to go with the "give the player every weapon at the start" technique coupled with the "throw 4 monsters at the player in the 2nd room, save all other enemies of the 146 until the last room" idea, to great effect. This is a great WAD and I recommend everyone out there to play it. I've already sent an e-mail to Kellogg's demanding them to package this WAD with boxes of Corn Flakes. PROS - Everything. CONS - This map wasn't around to please the world 50 years ago. The marine's rating: SHADOW.WAD - Unknown doom.exe - Solo Play - 29kb Another 1995 single player map, this time for Doom 2, Shadow tries to emulate the style of that Doom 2 map that everyone loves - Down town. Although playable, this level is a far cry from its Doom 2 counterpart. SS Nazis are used liberally, as are the Wolfenstein textures (often in awful places). The level is also a little short, with no real challenges and no clear route of where you're supposed to go. Considering the exit is behind a "secret" door, it makes me wonder if the author designed this map for telepaths, mind readers and the like. Pretty much your standard 1995 map. PROS - Fairly decent gameplay. CONS - Ugly texturing, a little short. The marine's rating: 1994/5 WADs that I'm not going to review because, quite frankly, they're not very good and whoever keeps uploading these pieces of shit should be shot: 3ways.wad Biggcity.wad Db-wads.wad Dminve.wad Dmpara.wad Dmsewe.wad Dmsewf.wad Dmsewv.wad Dmslyr.wad Dmtele.wad Dmyard.wad Heroes.wad Holiday.wad Lvmealon.wad Par-002c.wad Pdeth.wad Pentdrom.wad Pistol.wad Pitfalls.wad Qtbugnme.wad Ringdeth.wad Roomofob.wad Shopball.wad Spaced.wad Tlr19.wad Tlr-ii19.wad Well, that's all for this week folks - see you soon!