Grungo

Dear amalgoom, clippy crew, and doomworld. I would like to make a formal apology

when i was 16, I joined doomworld because I enjoyed making maps. As I grew I met people, got around, had ideas, some failed, some went chaotic and the people I crossed, most of the time left a bad impression.

I write this to say, I apologize for all the grief I have caused while as "Johnny Cruelty" I will *not bullshit and try to excuse my behavior. I was a dickhead, not because I was young, but because I was acting stupid and didn't think to stop. I was a terrible Project leader, I often was too bossy and got too obsessed over the smallest issues of a map, and thought every bit of critiscism was a personal attack. i was foolish very foolish. I took people's kindness for weakness, I didn't stop to think "hey these are people with lives and feelings, these aren't employees, these are PEOPLE" I did value these people but not enough, as my rude attitude outshined my respect for them, and in turn people casted me out, a pariah. One such individual I pissed off the most was @doomgappy he was a nice guy, and when the last straw was hit, when I got mad at him making "big" changes to small stuff, he couldn't take it, he lost his cool, he got so mad he was just done trying to help me and wanted me no more. at the time, out of guilt, even at my peak assholishness, a fragment of me realized how much of a asshole I was, and I passed the torch to him, and was exiled. sometime after that, I tried reaching out again, but I still was not quite... in good terms and he told me to get away from him, I was sad and mad but after a bit I understood and moved on. However some advice he told me before he exiled me, was "Just make a new fresh start and maybe one day things will be better again." so I did, I made grungo as not just a new fresh skin, but something more... something you might call... a "Gimmick" I spoke like Torr from fallout 2, and donned a blue velvet suit. My motto was "What would grungo do" which was the opposite of Johnny Cruelty... While some elements of JC leaked, I tried to maintain this new persona, by being nice as much as I could and aspired to be a better person, saying nice things on wads, making nice jokes, trying to do better in art. at first it was a suit, akin to a wolf in sheep's clothing, but I felt better being Grungo so I embraced it. Instead of me pretending to be someone I am not, I shaped myself to something I wanna be. But I must admit, even when I am trying to change, I admit I am not perfect, and sometimes I am a ass, I cannot lie, But I try and I understand if I keep trying to change, I will be like pinnocho, Grungo won't be a persona to me anymore,  but more of a reality of what's me. I'd also like to apologize for being annoying, that's on me and I should learn to control myself more, I am getting older and no longer a kid anymore.

In short I wanna say sorry for my misdeeds, and I don't expect forgiveness nor a slap on the wrist, I understand I left scars on people, scars that may not heal. and I understand some people just don't wanna do anything with me, and that's ok.

I just gotta take it easy day by day..

as for the persona, I might keep it up, because some people like it, and that outburst last night was me angered by some, and I understand some people take offense to the persona and see it as a sign of not taking up responsilibility and I understand it. 

But I take total responsiblity for my childish behavior and just hope for the best

signing off, Grungo.