IMJack

This summer, I'm playing the IT intern/gopher/ninja in a dotcom retailer's warehouse in Salt Lake. I'm doing general repairs, troubleshooting, and parts replacement on the 120 or so individual machines in this 1/2-sq.mile warehouse while my boss does network overwatch and handles all the really big problems (like our server room overheating this weekend).

There are two wireless mouse/keyboard combos that customers have returned to us for some reason. It's my experience that wireless interfaces are utter shit, and these units aren't helping my opinion. However, I have come to believe that these two units are cursed. When users in the warehouse see these wireless units in the Returns department, they are somehow compelled to take them and set them up on their own machines. When they do, and they realize the wireless things are shit, they IT up to replace their normal generic equipment, which have vanished into the aether thanks to the curse of the cordless mice. Which finally involves me trekking across the warehouse with a new keyboard and mouse, setting it up on their machine while they wait impatiently, then returning the accursed cordless to the "safekeeping" of Returns.

The first time I laid eyes on the damn'd peripherals, they were being used by two Returns clerks. It was easy enough to get solved, and the worst part of it was carrying the two keyboards clear to the opposite corner of the warehouse from the IT office. That was the beginning of last week.

Thursday and Friday of last week, the cordless units had somehow found their way to the Creative offices on the long side of the warehouse. The one guy, the Creative manager, spent fifteen minutes harping at me to get a phone line wired to his little corner of nowhere. I'd love to help you, man, but I'd have to go through my boss, and he's busier than I am. The other guy is the classic haughty artfag, and I was taking time away from his precious Photoshopping.

This morning, the one unit turned up again, this time in the Jewelry Cage. This is the single highest security area in the entire warehouse; just by being in there, I'll be under extreme scrutiny for the rest of the day and get an extra-special search by Security when I go home tonight. I got the cordless unit back to Receiving and left a note on it, warning any user that took it that they would face the wrath of the IT ninja. But the other unit was nowhere to be seen.

My guess is that it will turn up in the warehouse manager's office. I haven't had to deal with him yet, but he ain't exactly the most pleasant human being.