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Jimmy

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Everything posted by Jimmy

  1. I remember fixing a performance issue with the weather that cropped up with Faithless E1's original release - the weather system would kick in again and again on repeat visits to maps that had it, resulting in the map getting rainier and rainier as the episode went on. I at least fixed the weather particles spawning over and over but I think performance is still taking a hit. It's @Gutawer's code so I'm not entirely sure what I can do to optimise it much further.
  2. What do you mean "change it"? You mean double the work I already did? Nah that ain't happening.
  3. I knew I'd be forgetting some really obvious ones. Sad yarrrr.
  4. Over the course of this year I, for some reason, have been compiling a list of some of the most notable pieces of sector-based maritime vessels featured throughout the Doom community's extensive catalogue of content, reaching from the early 90s to the present day. I have now amassed a "Top 25" list, complete with Honorable Mentions. Points (anchors) are gained for how the ships are used (for cinematic purposes at the start or end of a level, or for scene-setting purposes in the middle of a level), how they execute combat, and how lavishly they are designed. All aboard! - 25. "A.L.T." MAP07 by Nomad Dead Simple with more arrrrrrr. The centerpiece of the map is a floating installation beseiged by four pirate ships, each commanded by a mancubus. Points for having all the Jolly Rogers facing the same wind direction, and for the touch of directional lighting giving this setpiece a bit of cinematic flair, but the ships themselves are fairly crude in appearance and can't be accessed by the player, merely serving as decorative turrets for the mancubi. Displeasing! Off the pier wi' ya! Rating: ⚓ 24. "Alien Vendetta" MAP03 by Mattias Berggren - "MS #NIGHTMARE" Perhaps one of the most iconic decorative pieces to come out of the new millennium. Anyone who played Alien Vendetta, a set known for its crushing difficulty, at least got as far as the third map, and the stark REDWALL hull sticks out to literally everyone. Precisely why the boat exists in this otherwise unremarkable area of the map remains a bit of a mystery, but the inclusion of a pound sign in its name implies some sort of ye olde IRC-based in-joke. Not that those have ceased to exist! As we will see further down the list... Rating: ⚓⚓ 23. "REKKR" E4M9 by @Revae For a project that paints a lovingly crafted world of Viking warriordom, I really struggled to find actual sector boats in this set! However, one is featured in the secret level of Episode 4. The sky here is a beautiful pixel-art gradient and the music is gentle and soothing, making for some great scenery. There is, however, little to explore here. You can kill the crewmates at no penalty if you wish (they aren't voodoo dolls) but there's no combat to be had, nor really any objects of intrigue, save for a teleporter to take you to the rest of the map. Rating: ⚓⚓ 22. "Sacrament" MAP11 by @Azamael Points for the scenic quality of the absolutely colossal cavern in which this boat is held, for sure - although getting onto the boat itself is done via teleporter, which feels slightly unintuitive. Once aboard there's merely one switch to press, since the crew comprise a trio of imps you can very swiftly dispose of. Missed potential! Rating: ⚓⚓ 21. "Khorus" MAP05 by @Shadowman After a lengthy trek through overgrown moonlit wilderness, the sound of Russian folksong haunting your every step, you eventually happen upon this humble sailboat, and steal the crimson skull from its chaingun-toting captain. It makes for a welcome intermission from getting lost in the forest. Design-wise it's a little simpler than the other offerings we have here, but the structure to imply a boat is definitely all there. Rating: ⚓⚓ 20. "Akeldama" MAP31 by @valkiriforce, DerFurer'sFace, @joepallai & @gaspe This introductory scene to the first secret level of community ultrawad Akeldama puts you on an impressively large boat drifting in a nightlit sea. There's even a crow's nest containing a soulsphere you can access. After outsmarting the handful of demons here, you are transported to another place entirely, a pattern that continues with the multitude of singular, self-contained setpieces throughout the map. The sector ship here is impressively designed, but this entry loses points for essentially being the first in seemingly a series of cutting room floor sketches. Rating: ⚓⚓ 19. "Harmony" MAP01, 02, and 04 by @t.v. The first level of Harmony, after setting the scene with a fast-paced shootout at a riverside tech facility, ends with boarding a boat and carrying it downstream to the mysterious caverns and labyrinths of the second level. MAP04, an industrial city with a quayside section, offers a much larger shipping vessel, which you board to grab a key while frantically avoiding the Centaur's ceaseless grenade fire, creating a tense moment of combat. MAP01 also features a submarine. But we don't talk about those here. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓ 18. "Chosen" MAP03, 04 and 05 by LilWhiteMouse This Cacoward-winning total conversion from 2004 by resident ZDoom sorceress LilWhiteMouse, although somewhat dated by today's standards, is quite the imaginative set, and the sector boat featured in three of its maps showcases her capacity for world-building. Watch the animated oar textures on the sides of the boat as it moves gracefully through a lava river during the inter-level cutscenes. You even get to fight a hoard of ravenous harpies during the first voyage. Repeated visits to this vessel throughout the episode as an actual means of transportation to new areas also earn it extra points. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓ 17. "10Sector" MAP25 by Jonas Feragen Finely detailed and structurally sound. How this was done with a mere 10 sectors I have no clue. What's interesting about this example is that it relies on line specials that very carefully reconfigure the map's sectors' properties in order to properly shape everything in the map past a certain point - if you noclip at level start and go to this area, this boat looks like a jumbled mess of sectors and flats. Massive points for technical creativity with this one. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓ 16. "BTSX" Episode 2 MAP01 by @Joshy - "Visplane Overflow" The HMS Visplane Overflow is a staple of the first level of BTSX's second episode, and is very impressively detailed for a non-limit-removing Vanilla map. While specific boat-like details are left out in favor of a setpiece with smooth, functioning gameplay, this part of the map is still a treat to explore and the fight aboard is decently challenging. The secret-savvy among us will also fondly remember the CRATE FULL OF DRUGS. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓ 15. "Serpent Resurrection" MAP01 and 02 by @The Ultimate DooMer - "Thunder-child" I was absolutely not going to forget about Heretic or Hexen for this list. The potential for boats (boatential, if you will) is huge. The first level of this stupidly expansive Hexen megawad features a portside town. Clearly no small amount of study has been done into the workings of a maritime vessel such as this, with lavish detail across every part of it, right down to the name imprinted on the ship's hull. The mapper employs skybox camera trickery to show the ship pulling away from port and even passing distant islands before the ship is assailed by hordes of demons from Hell's maw. Unfortunately this entry loses massive points for the majority of its in-game life taking place during a painfully long unskippable cutscene. World-building though it is, you are itching all throughout to get to use some of those usable, rotatable midtexture cannons. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓ 14. "Mutiny" MAP02 by @Pinchyand @Tarnsman This humongous cargo ship dominates an entire corner of this spacious and chaotic map. Disappointingly there doesn't seem to be much in the way of gameplay taking place onboard, if any. An opportunity sorely missed, as teleportation seems to be the primary means of getting around here for both players and monsters. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓ 13. "Super MAYhem 17" MAP04 by @Pinchy Another shipyard map from Pinchy! Seems to be a staple of his work at this point. This one is only slightly more easy-going than the previous. The smaller boats are not exactly impressively boat-shaped, but the larger one stationed in a cave that gives you a plasma gun is definitely the standout vessel here. The map also gets points for having sector whales (yes) that rise up out of the water once you acquire the key. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓ 12. "Quest for the Crystal Skulls" ISLAND01 by @Captain Toenail Continuing the Heretic trend, here we have a cute little sailing vessel that opens the very first map of the episode. Points for relevance to the narrative - you stowaway on this boat bound for the Island of the Crystal Skulls where this episode takes place, in order to thwart the heresiarch's plans. There is also a second boat on this map replete with supplies that you can access via a secret teleporter. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓ 11. "Icebound" by @Lutz Once again we have a Heretic map that opens with a boat. Detail don Lutz doesn't disappoint here, as the level of linedef intricacy here positively borders on the absurd, but I have to say I'm a fan - particularly of how the ice is broken up around the ship. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓ 10. "Dark Tide" by @Lutz It's no surprise to me personally that Lutz appears on this list twice. This giant castle stronghold is home to a large and spacious docking area where you can find this lovingly crafted vessel. The fight on this decrepit old boat after grabbing the crucial key is really quite vicious, and makes for a highly memorable setpiece. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓ 9. "Doom: The Golden Souls" MAP05 by @Batandy A colorfully decorated ship complete with cannons along the hull and Donkey Kong barrels on the deck. Unlike most of the other entries, this one is set in swimmable water, and you can go underneath into the submerged part of the ship, which you'll need to as you scout around for the eight necessary red coins, Mario 64-style. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓ 8. "Doom: The Golden Souls 2" MAP13 by @Batandy These cruise ships, while feeling somewhat undersized, make for a great staple of both decoration and gameplay in one of the final areas of this beautiful dusky port town map. You can platform off of them using GS2's insanely smooth jumping capability to enter a pipe leading to a secret big coin. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓ 7. "BTSX" Episode 1 MAP24 by @Tango and @esselfortium - "The Unsinkable Fats Domino" The one, the only. While it carries no "gameplay" to speak of, it's still the perfect ending to a brutal and challenging megawad - stepping upon the deck immediately plunges both the ship and Doomguy into the briny blue depths, whereupon the episode ends with MAP25's bittersweet sinking sequence. EDIT: Tango says blame Essel for this one. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓ 6. "Super MAYhem 17" MAP06 by @Gothic Huge points for this entire map taking place on an flying airship. Er, airboat? It's a pirate ship in the sky, akin to the finale levels from Super Mario Bros. 3. The animated sky, scrolling clouds and sector-based rotating blades go far to setting the scene here, and the music is of course on-point. The combat and gameplay flow are also good fun. Hitting all the right notes here. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓ 5. "Serpent's Wake" E3M6 and M7 by @hervoheebo This wonderfully clever and imaginative Heretic set has many standout moments for me, but this floating battleship at the end of E3M6 has to be somewhere near the top. The combat surrounding it varies drastically with every difficulty level you play on, right down to where you pick up the key to raise the bridge onto the ship, thanks to the ground-breaking "quest" system that this set employs for all of its maps. Stellar presentation and thought gone into this. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓ 4. "Hellcore 2" MAP01 and 02 by Fusion and Darkfyre What makes this level memorable for me can be attributed to a combination of things: namely the music, the deep and evocative skyline, the spacious and unsettling nature of its underpopulated outdoor areas, and then the climax of the map as you board a large frigate and scramble your way to the cockpit for the exit switch. A very well-designed gameplay setpiece that still manages to evoke feelings of realism. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓ 3. "Avactor" MAP01 and 03 by @Eradrop I daresay these are the most visually striking sector boats to have come out recently. All of Avactor is a masterclass in environmental design and scene-setting, with its gloomy brown texture palette and tonally altered enemies that fit the scene of a haunted island in the middle of a vast and unforgiving sea. But there are flickers of humanity in these wonderfully crafted sailboats that can be found throughout. The first is found at MAP01's level start, and the texturing and linework here is already impressive enough, but then the examples shown in MAP03 utterly dwarf it in comparison. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓ 2. All of "Pirate Doom"'s ships by @Darch There are scant few mapsets out there that go as far into their world-building as Pirate Doom does in its entirety. Over the course of the set's eighteen levels you will hop aboard many different boats to transport you through the various episodes, swim through the wreckage of a haunted ghost ship, and man the cannons of an armed battleship in a naval battle against the seafaring forces of Hell. The last one shown here is also a completely transparent ghost ship. What more needs to be said? It's Pirate fucking Doom. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓ The winner is below - a mapper who has already appeared on this list at least once - but first, some arrrrrrr-norable Mentions. Honorable Mentions: - "DWANGO4" MAP09 (SHIP.WAD) by Rand Smith This oldie from 1994 is, to my knowledge, the Doom community's very earliest instance of an actual sector boat. Notable traits: It features enemies, despite being a deathmatch level. It also has two floors, accessed via the gargoyle-faced teleporters. You can even swim in the nukage sea, providing you grab a radsuit from the captain's quarters, at which point you may paddle to a distant island and grab a BFG9000 and some other goodies. The way back onto the ship is via two lifeboats which teleport you back onto deck. Curiously imaginative for the year of Doom 2's release! How well it plays in multiplayer? I have little to no idea. - The Linedef Longboats from "REKKR" by @Revae I don't wish to snub REKKR purely on the basis of it having only one sector boat, so after some consideration I decided to also make mention of the linedef-based longboats, seen here in E1M1 and E2M1. They make for great environmental storytelling, providing you turn in the right direction at the start of the episode to catch a glimpse at them. The second one is even on fire! - "Penthouse Paradise" by @Dexiaz I am unsure whether to count this one on the basis of it being a Duke map ported to Doom. Caked in Duke textures, it makes no apologies about its origin, but it's still a sector-based boat in a Doom level, and so on the list it goes, I suppose! Small and dinky compared to some of the ones we've seen here, but it still serves its purpose in the level's introductory area as a piece of storytelling. Dukeguy has a boating license, who knew! - Various boats from "Doom Vacation" by @Doorhenge Again, these are directly lifted from Duke maps, this time being those found in Sunstorm Interactive's Duke Nukem 3D: Life's a Beach. These lovable dinghies make an appearance at the end of almost every level in this set as a means of exiting to the next one, and the continuation of this trope in the Doom version earns it points here. The Wavemistress map from the Doom set is unfortunately lacking in content, essentially being a deathmatch map, cut down to size perhaps due to the limitations (at the time) concerning room-over-room in Doom's engine - something that could probably quite easily be replicated with line portals today. The extra splash of color provided by Doom Vacation's custom palette has definitely not gone amiss, though. - "Struggle" MAP17 by @antares031 Okay this is just the cutest. I want to name her. How about... the Visplane Destroyer. And the winner, to no-one's surprise, is: 1. "The Alfonzone" MAP48 and 49 by @Pinchy - "The Rustling Jimmy" / "Great Ship Doominati" I'm not conceited just because my name is there, I swear. These two maps are just so cool. You end MAP48 on a sailboat stationed in the midst of a freezing sea, and the start of MAP49 has you gazing upon a gigantic megaship, which is not only a full map inside with 1000+ enemies, but has two floors. There's heaps to explore and enjoy here, perhaps being the most ambitious ship-based level for Doom created in modern times. Rating: ⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓ ----- Join me again next year, when I'll be listing the Top 35 sector tram lines.
  5. Ah yes, indeed. This is all your fault mister!!
  6. Please redownload -- Beta 1a. I'm releasing a hotfix to address an embarrassing polyobject glitch in E2M4. If you see this nuttiness, don't bother reporting, I already know about it. :P
  7. 16 months of work later... It's out. Please play/stream/feed back. Download "Faithless: Trilogy" (29MB): GZDoom required. 4.4.0+ recommended. Only tested in this port/build. Beta 1a
  8. Full OST stream premiering in 20 minutes as of this post! Working on the OST for this mod was an absolute blast. I love writing spooky, dark ambient music and it seems to come extremely naturally to me. Enjoy the mod and see you at the premiere!
  9. 10 years ago today I embarked on a crazy mission, to create a Doom 2 megawad all by myself.

     

    Took me the following 13 months of on-off development, but turned out pretty good in the end!

     

    kLDh6ig.png

    1. esselfortium

      esselfortium

      🎉

       

      And you've done so many other amazing things in those 10 years, too!

    2. Endless

      Endless

      And now, when the name ''Jimmy'' is whispered, everyone smiles and nods. Truly the Bob Ross of Doom <3

    3. Phobus

      Phobus

      It's a hell of an achievement. Just think, though, you've made another three or so since then! Plus loads of other maps, ran projects, made tons of MIDIs. You're the productive guy that the rest of us can look up to. Keep being awesome, Jimmy!

  10. For me I think the most obvious solution is to create an altfire for the Frost Shards weapon that acts like a quick kick/punch (a short-range melee attack). Perhaps borrow some of those swinging Heretic staff sprites, in case you want to avoid having to make new punch/kick sprites that would fit the Mage's body.
  11. I've done this a few times. Eviternity's title theme is based purely on the opening melody from Eviternity MAP05's track "Sacred Light". Rebirth MIDI Pack's title theme "Entombed" and MAP30's theme "Underlord" both center on the use of minor-major chords. Escalation Titan's OST uses a couple of motifs that can be heard in the title and intermission tracks, which both share much of the same musical material, including the guitar arpeggios at the beginning. The main 'chorus' of MAP01's "Escalate" is also heard in the intermission track, and at the very end of MAP06's "Subjugator", you hear the string melody heard in the title track's fadeout. All these motifs happen within the same key and tempo, so they're pretty obvious to spot. It also has to be said that The Adventures of Square has a number of motifs, chief of which is what I like to call the "Flunky arpeggio", which was originally @Alfonzo's doing. His track "Blue Flunky" for E1A6 prominently features a descending augmented chord arpeggio that perfectly fits the player's fall into the caves when the map starts, and so this arpeggio is also featured at the very beginning of the title track me and @Xaser wrote. You can also hear descending augmented arpeggios in "Jet Your Own Pack", which is directly a callback to the Flunky arpeggio. The title track also borrows from a whole bunch more stuff featured in Episode 1 - an overture of sorts. In this piece you can hear bits of the intermission track "Oblongitude", as well as E1A2's "Crapchute" and E1A3's "Canoe Not?", that are essentially copied verbatim. (We also recut this track for the E1 YouTube trailer, which has a brief moment from E1's boss theme "Store It in the Phryg" by @jmickle66666666.)
  12. Bridgeburner56 is testing this right now! https://www.twitch.tv/bridgeburner56
  13. Download "Faithless: Trilogy" BETA 1A (29MB): GZDoom required. 4.4.0+ recommended. Only tested in this port/build. Powerhouse Mirror Dropbox Mirror Screenshots! Click images for full size. Story: Parthoris is ablaze - ravaged by an invasion of unholy beasts it was not prepared for. The gulf between the once-distant realms of Parthoris and Cronos has all but disappeared as dark portals continue to open across your homeland, and vast hordes of the undead and their cohorts from beyond Hell's Maw spill forth, slaughtering mercilessly in their bid to find you and exact their vengeance upon the Faithless One. You have already brought ruin to the first major guardian in your way - the fearsome Iron Sentinel and its army of liches - but this has enraged your pursuers further. You now face the treacherous labyrinthine grounds of the Iron Fortress - a sprawling breeding ground for unholy knights, malevolent magicians, and terrifying beasts pulled from the underworld's deepest recesses. This vast mountaintop fort is steeped in a dark aura of demonic possession that now reaches far across the realm, corrupting the earth and its citizens beneath. Beyond this foul structure, who even knows what lies. Questions flood your mind as you enter its unholy gates - who or what is the soulless evil opening these portals? And why do you feel a cold sense of dread, as if someone may be watching you from the shadows? Perhaps an old foe? Or a new evil from some other realm? Could it somehow be both...? Name: Faithless: Trilogy Map Format: UDMF Ports Tested: GZDoom 4.4.0 IWAD: Heretic Map(s): E1M1-M9, E2M1-M9, E3M1-M9 Gameplay: Single play/co-op Difficulty Settings: Yes Multiplayer Placement: No Build Time: 15 months Textures: hexen.wad, shadowtex.wad, bak_leg.wad, various other sources Requirements: No jumping or crouching (enforced). Freelook allowed. Features: - 3 episodes of 8 levels each! - 3 secret levels and 1 super-secret level! For a total of 28 levels. - Hub-style progression - Mapping by wayfaring Heretic meister @Not Jabba, who chiefly designed E2M1 - Three new weapons, several new enemies, an array of more inventory items to use - Unique puzzles - Two possible endings! Disclaimer: There are certain visual bugs that occur in some maps when running the GZDoom software renderer, which I'm already aware of. These include glitches that appear in various levels that feature fog (including E2M6 and E2M9), as well as actors "clipping" through both 3D floors and line portals. There's not much I can do about these, aside from attempting to fix them map-side (which could take a lot of trial-and-error altering), until these are bugs are reported and fixed. Maplist: EPISODE 1: "Faithless" E1M1: The Belltower E1M2: Dockside E1M3: Odious Gardens E1M4: Kingdom of Roots E1M5: Savaged Lands E1M6: Unlit Serenity E1M7: Halls of Atrocity E1M8: Ironclad E1M9: Breathless Wastes (secret) EPISODE 2: "Merciless" E2M1: The Iron Fortress - featuring @Not Jabba E2M0: The Unholy Font (optional) E2M2: Treasury E2M3: Clock Tower E2M4: Willowwood E2M5: Fractured Monasteries E2M6: Vulture's Point E2M7: Sunless Temple E2M8: The Rune Forge E2M9: Deathwind City (secret) EPISODE 3: "Soulless" E3M1: Dark Chapter E3M2: The Mana Flow E3M3: Bilious Depths E3M4: Scarlet Outlands E3M5: Cloister of Tears E3M6: Cloister of Venom E3M7: Cloister of Ichor E3M8: Audience Chamber E3M9: Phoenix Chapel (secret)
  14. Doomers playing on the Bethesda.net port, check out your Add-Ons page - Deathless has been included as DLC for Ultimate Doom!

     

    Hope you enjoy!

     

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    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. Jimmy

      Jimmy

      Thanks all!

       

      And SM, the limit has been 12 symbols for a little while now.

    3. esselfortium

      esselfortium

      Congrats Jimmy!

    4. Chip

      Chip

      Great Job Jimmy! I love the WAD! I played it twice!

  15. Just letting you guys know that if my jobs shut down due to COVID, you are getting another Jimmy megawad.

    1. Breezeep

      Breezeep

      Don't burn yourself out!

    2. ReaperAA

      ReaperAA

      I love your wads (especially Faithless and Deathless) and I hope to see more wads. I am excited about the sequels to Faithless that you are working on.

       

      BUT I wish you don't lose your job.  Jimmy's well-being is more important than a Jimmy megawad.

  16. I have a Patreon now. Support me!

     

    I’m going to become a regular content creator and try to do twice-weekly streams during which I compose music for various projects. A rolling payment of just a few dollars a month will get you access to my Discord channel and lots of cool content as I make it.

     

    Hope to see you there!

  17. https://ko-fi.com/jamespaddockmusic

     

    Money's a big stress for me at the moment, so if you wanna treat me to the odd coffee every now and then, it'd be immensely appreciated. Much love, Doomworld.


  18. It's really happening.

    1. Pinchy
    2. antares031

      antares031

      I do believe that this is not an april fool's joke. :D

    3. Apaul27

      Apaul27

      This is now for real, now waiting for Episode 3, and more "Wool Ball" games from MSPaintR0cks (aka WhatDatoast). :3

  19. @Baratus and I entered into the Global Game Jam (GGJ) ’18 with a game of our own that we managed to put together in about 48 hours. It’s a short puzzle-platformer made on the GZDoom engine with harsh abstract visuals, called nu//void (pronounced “null-void”).

     

    https://globalgamejam.org/2018/games/nuvoid

    Download link at the very bottom.

     

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    Fv4nUsGs.pngk9jJzEWs.pngAXaA8EKs.pngFce0dwss.png

     

    You have only one “weapon” – click your mouse to switch the lights "on" and "off" with a snap of your fingers. This will invert the colors black and white in the game world, exposing hidden doors, switches and platforms that you will need to find to progress.

     

    Find your way through the labyrinth, and collect the three artefacts, before making your way to the exit door.

     

    Oh yeah, and keep an eye (and ear) out – for the phantom.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Jimmy

      Jimmy

      Why? It's uh... already a thing that... exists on its own?

    3. DooM_RO

      DooM_RO

      It was just an idea. Doom already had secret Wolf3D levels in it.

       

      Anyway, I really liked the idea! The platforming could use a bit of work though. The part where you have to turn on/off midflight was awkward.

       

      I hope you make a full game out of this.

    4. Jimmy

      Jimmy

      Quote

      It was just an idea. Doom already had secret Wolf3D levels in it.

       

      Sure, but this game has a vastly different set of core mechanics - it's not run around and shoot things, it's carefully using your only weapon to change the geometry, unlock secrets, etc. It'd be really out of place in Square.

       

      The simplistic visuals aren't necessarily part of it because we deliberately chose to go for another "cartoony" aesthetic like Square's, it's just that we had less than about 2 days to put the whole thing together, so we kind of had to resort to using simple solid colors (that said, other games we saw made for this jam had some very lovingly crafted art assets which were very impressive for a development time of less than 2 days).

       

      Quote

      I hope you make a full game out of this.

       

      Undecided as to whether there'll be more. Ben will need to be on board with that as well. I'm sure there could be more, given proper time to flesh out the central concept a bit - but honestly I'm happy with this being the full game.

  20. Sorry in advance for this post, friends... shit's heavy. Feel free to skip.

     

    Spoiler

     

    My custom title is looking more inappropriate by the day. I just can't cope right now. What's the point of anything anymore.

     

    Since she left us, I've just been dithering around helplessly like a zombie, unable to find joy in almost anything. I go to bed with a heart that feels ready to collapse, and wake up with a bottomless pit in my stomach that food doesn't fill. Recently I thought I was rounding a corner, but a 2.5 hour conversation with my dad just now proved that I have absolutely no battle plan here, in any respect. The fault is entirely mine.

     

    There are so many more problems in my life rearing their heads right now than just the grief I'm going through. Having outlined them here, these are problems that for the most part still persist to this day - nearly a year after that post was made - and that's kind of just the starting point of it all.

     

    I've been terribly nonchalant about my lifestyle, and it is now biting me in the back hard. I know things could be much worse - don't even go there. I recognise that I've been privileged enough for my family to have helped me do nearly everything, but at this point they can't give much more. On my own, I'm a practically useless individual. No life skills whatsoever. If there's something worse than not having a family, it's having one but feeling completely fucking unable to help them in any capacity. And I've been casually cruising along, ignoring this for so long, that I've just hit an inevitable dead end - and now realise that I've forgotten how to drive. Any possible way out just seems deathly inaccessible.

    • I've been ambitiously creative my whole life, but now that attitude seems all but gone. Music doesn't come to me as easily anymore - I think that last 30in30 project I did bled me dry - and that was 2 fucking years ago, now. Plus the market is saturated and intimidating, if the last 4 years of uni have taught me anything - that and the local music scene sucks over here. (It really feels like there's no hope for me in Western Australia, tbh. I'm miles away from anything and everyone I care about and that includes Australians.)
    • Graphic design is something I guess I could do as a fallback but I don't have any professional tools and frankly cannot do anything photo-manipulation-oriented, which at a guess is where the real money is.
    • Game development - i.e. continuing to work painstakingly on Square E2 and E3 - would seem to be my only option, but it'll drive me further into a hermit-like lifestyle and over-reliance on my family for food and shelter. And I'm not really in the best state to be doing anything creative right now, anyway. And it won't pay me, or anyone else.
    • I actually still can't drive. Can't afford lessons right now, anyway.

    I feel like I've got nothing left. Having practically no money, very high social anxiety, and a hesitancy to pursue anything that might be the slightest bit risky, there's a multitude of seemingly insurmountable obstacles in my way... and I know I'm the only one who can overcome them, but now, my best friend and pretty much only point of sanity in this world is fucking dead. If she's not around to enjoy life, and the quagmire of my problems is the only thing that I'm left facing, then quite frankly, what's the use.

     

    Before anyone suggests it, yes, I'm going to a therapist, on the 18th, but again, what's the use. I can't pretend to want to cling on anymore.

     

    I'm not suicidal, I'd never take my own life, but I honestly feel like disappearing. The world just seems so loveless and superficial now, and I can't stand the stupid mess that I've let pile up around me. Again, it's all my fault.

     

    Just take me back to the womb, already, I want to start over.

     

     

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Jimmy

      Jimmy

      Thank you, Doomworld.

       

      I would reply to each and every one of you here, especially those who have PM'd me in light of this status, but the words are very hard to find right now. I appreciate every single word typed, though. I don't know if I was ever quite aware of the sheer amount of love this community is able to reciprocate. I do love you guys. There's so much talent and cooperation and dedication to the craft here. The Doom community is clearly an amazing place and an invaluable pillar of support.

       

      Life sucks hard right now, and my next step is still extremely unclear to me. I have a great many things I want to get out of life that I've deprived myself of for too long, and honestly, I also want to escape Australia as soon as humanly possible - maybe go to Finland or somewhere like it, some place with an actually good economy and more-than-decent education. It'd be on my terms entirely, with no family there to want to do everything for me.

       

      I also want (and very much need) a good steady job. Any kind of stable income. I also want a girlfriend, and truthfully I really deeply want a family of my own - any kind of meaningful companionship will give me a reason to get up in the morning and make something of my damn self, something a special someone provided me for five long years. It's becoming less and less ignorable as time goes on, and particularly the last couple years have felt very lonely... maybe a partner at this point will help me power through this. Or maybe it'll reinforce my sheer dependency on other people. I truly don't know what the future wants for me. Maybe I won't get one. It... hardly seems worth pursuing one if she never got one... ;_;

       

      Before I get choked up again, let me thank you all again. I've got to somehow clamber out of this pit that I've dug myself into, and that could take me fucking years, but... so be it. With the reassurance of a whole community behind me, maybe it won't be so hard. But clearly I need some hardship or I simply won't grow. It helps to get through it while knowing I'm not completely alone, though. You guys truly are allies, like the friends I never really had. So much love, guys. ;_;

    3. 40oz

      40oz

      I've been humming music from Jenesis and Plutonia 2 in my head for days. I haven't even played it recently, it's just that good and makes me think about the good feelings when playing Doom.

       

      You may not realize you have an impact on all of us but you really do, even if it's subconcious and you don't actually get to see real evidence of it. If you gotta take a break for a little bit to focus on some real shit, thats what you gotta do. Give until it feels good, not until it hurts. People say that these really low bottoms need to exist because they make the greatness in life feel so much more significant. It's really bad now but when it gets better it's gonna be fuckin awesome. If you need some Jimmy time to cope with this, by all means, take it! We'll be here when you get back and we'll still think the best of you.

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