What is the best DOOM .wad / level review in idgames?

[geo]

Forget the best levels, mods and .wads. I want the best review in idgames/ Go on... review the review and why I should read the review you feel is the best. Is it funny? Is it accurate? Is it so inaccurate that its legendary?

[Xaser]

"Launched gzdoom, saw the first room, quit. 0/5"

[Doomkid]

Back in 1997 for some dumb reason Shambler66 mailbombed me and ICQ-bombed me calling me stuff like a "nigger jew spic". I went on to run Doomworld and he made furry porn Doom WADs. Uh, the end.

Edited February 13, 2018 by Doomkid

[DELUXE]

I had the Moderator for the Fidonet Doom Echo upload this to the internet, and a man from South African downloaded it. He had a problem with the game, it was discovered he was using an out of date version. He got in contact with me. About a year later we were married. The general feel of this wad was supposed to be similar to the originals. I wanted it to feel like it was part of the original set but an alternate story. After 16 years, I am glad those who have played it did enjoy it.

[fraggle]

"Even though I'm probably never going to need to download this, it is nevertheless legendarily useful. Also gives some more of that interesting insight into the reasons within the code of Doom the Fraggle is filled with."

 

I had "Filled with the code of Doom" as my Twitter bio for a year or so in honour of this review.

[Ribbiks]

"Linssen and Janssen would be a good name for a homosexual art duo, along the lines of Gilbert and George or Mulligan and O'Hare. But there's nothing homosexual about this episode, in fact it's very bland and unimpressive."

[Cynical]

The best part of this thread is the totally random wads it's kicking to the front page in the sidebar.  Suddenly, the Yiffy Furry Mod is really popular!

[valkiriforce]

Some decent fans of mine reviewing Doom Core:

 

Quote

Put as much creativity into the review as the author did into the map design: this is an idiot wad for 12yo idiots. When revenants and pain elementals get thrown at you on map one, coupled with dull shoebox design, it goes straight in my trash bin where it belongs.

 

Quote

most of the map are maze, the gameplay is not so old school as people say,you're quickly bored of playing because of being lost in the level.like reverie, this is pure crap.valkiriforce stop mapping and players avoid this big shit.0/5

 

Quote

one of the most stupid megawad, the try to make a non linear gameplay and fail shit.

 

[yakfak]

I finished it without shooting once 10/5 best new wad.

 

:P

[MaxTrevors]

6 hours ago, Ribbiks said:

"Linssen and Janssen would be a good name for a homosexual art duo, along the lines of Gilbert and George or Mulligan and O'Hare. But there's nothing homosexual about this episode, in fact it's very bland and unimpressive."

AHAHAHA! That's marvelous!

[Soundblock]

I always found this one a tad self-refuting:

 

A crystal meth crack hallucinogenic mushrooms spawn of 30 mind exploding maps that simply do not compute. I feel mentally ill after noclipping through all of them. Playability - zero.

[NuMetalManiak]

I'm wondering if some of my reviews will show up here.

[Memfis]

This is from late 1995. It dates from a time when people were prepared to put their full home address in Doom textfiles, what could go wrong?

 

I find it interesting that a gay couple can make a megawad so good, I now don't have anything against gays.

 

The pain, oh, the pain!

 

Whereas real-life naked women have no effect on me, I find that the poor-quality, pixellated and oddly-coloured scans in this level make my loins explode. You may think that I am sick. But who is the sick one? Me, who enjoys splattering the blood of demons over pictures of naked women, or the businessman, in his suit and tie?

 

Arse isn't quite the same as ass; there are subtleties. In Britain you can kick someone's arse, and you can kick arse, but you'd rarely describe a thing as being kick-arse.

[esselfortium]

My favorite review I've ever received is on SpaceDM9:

 

"well I was hoping to see more than 3 maps, I hope more are coming up soon. 3 maps, 3 stars."

 

(they actually gave it 0 stars)

[Grain of Salt]

On 2/14/2018 at 4:46 AM, Ribbiks said:

"But there's nothing homosexual about this episode, in fact it's very bland and unimpressive."

Not gay; disappointingly straight.

[fraggle]

2 hours ago, Memfis said:

But who is the sick one? Me, who enjoys splattering the blood of demons over pictures of naked women, or the businessman, in his suit and tie?

This one is actually a recurring joke from late '90s British comedy show This Morning With Richard Not Judy (example).

[Tristan]

I just played through this thing in one sitting. I now have three types of cancer, my company went bankrupt, and my girlfriend died as a result. 0/5

[Marcaek]

"No SSG till map07 0/5"

[Spie812]

Referring to Jason Wainman's 30 Levels of Doom II

After I passed through all twenty six levels, my life changed. I do not play Doom. I broke computer, sold my house to buy a maze. Now I live in it, and all day long I walk through rooms and corridors. For lunch, I often open the doors and kill useless monsters. I do the same for breakfast and dinner. P.S. Author, build for me more mazes.

[Paul977]

Anonymous reviews were great

[Reisal]

On 2/12/2018 at 7:45 PM, Doomkid said:

Back in 1997 for some dumb reason Shambler66 mailbombed me and ICQ-bombed me calling me stuff like a "nigger jew spic". I went on to run Doomworld and he made furry porn Doom WADs. Uh, the end.

That was me WAY BACK in the day, I was still stupid and immature 14 year old back then. I'm really sorry people had to experience that teenage idiocy of mine. Shambler66 was one of my earliest online aliases before I went with Mr. Chris then Glaice.

Edited February 16, 2018 by Glaice

[Tristan]

On 2/15/2018 at 5:50 PM, Memfis said:

Arse isn't quite the same as ass; there are subtleties. In Britain you can kick someone's arse, and you can kick arse, but you'd rarely describe a thing as being kick-arse.

 

I've been hounding Obsidian to correct it to Abyssal Refined Speedmapping Extravaganza for years.

 

Spoiler

no i haven't :(

 

Edited February 16, 2018 by Eris Falling

[valkiriforce]

avoid this as if it was that fat annoying kid that goes to your school that always wants to show you his yu-gi-oh card collection these are just a bunch of old cruddy looking maps with lo, to repetitive game play

[geo]

On 2/13/2018 at 11:04 PM, Cynical said:

The best part of this thread is the totally random wads it's kicking to the front page in the sidebar.  Suddenly, the Yiffy Furry Mod is really popular!

Much like eating Tide Pods, the unintended side effect is publicity and fame.

 

This thread is making me reevaluate my review process.

Edited February 17, 2018 by geo

[Memfis]

[Jbondboy]

On 2/16/2018 at 5:09 PM, Glaice said:

That was me WAY BACK in the day, I was still stupid and immature 14 year old back then. I'm really sorry people had to experience that teenage idiocy of mine. Shambler66 was one of my earliest online aliases before I went with Mr. Chris then Glaice.

Gotta respect someone admitting his mistakes despite being behind the anonymity of a computer screen

[seed]

"Made my dick rock hard."

 

"Fucking junk! Nothing but a big variation of levels and nice maps to play on, each with their own unique style, then when it fucking gets bad, it starts up again in the middle with insane dumb ass concepts of "slaughter" maps and such! it's so bad that i ended up rating this *****!!! keep it up guys!"

 

"cured my dad's cancer."

[geo]

6 hours ago, Agent6 said:

"Made my dick rock hard."

 

"Fucking junk! Nothing but a big variation of levels and nice maps to play on, each with their own unique style, then when it fucking gets bad, it starts up again in the middle with insane dumb ass concepts of "slaughter" maps and such! it's so bad that i ended up rating this *****!!! keep it up guys!"

 

"cured my dad's cancer."

Steam reviews seeping onto Doomworld.

[wildweasel]

One of the best Doom mods to be inspired by the works of Albert Camus. Really brings home the total distance there is between all people, men and women, imps and demons, and the futility of communication. For what are we communicating but the fact of our inability to communicate? Ultimately however there is hope; WildWeasel believes that we can change, after all, albeit that we may not survive the transformation.

[Chewyninja69]

40 minutes ago, wildweasel said:

One of the best Doom mods to be inspired by the works of Albert Camus. Really brings home the total distance there is between all people, men and women, imps and demons, and the futility of communication. For what are we communicating but the fact of our inability to communicate? Ultimately however there is hope; WildWeasel believes that we can change, after all, albeit that we may not survive the transformation.

...the fuck?