One day in late August, I had an urge to play Ancient Aliens; it was one of my favorite WADs of all time, and I enjoy revisiting every it now and then. However, this time was different. When I loaded the WAD into my preferred source port, Doomsday (I like the 3D models), and began a new game, everything was different. As opposed to the usual psychedelic visuals of Skillsaw's masterpiece, the entire map was instead covered in blood. Even the statusbar was covered in blood, which was actually very irritating as it meant that I couldn't make out any of the information displayed. However, I simply brushed off this unusual occurrence as a mere glitch; I was using Doomsday, after all. As I began to play through the map, I also took note of the fact that the Musical Instrument Digital Interface song had been replaced by violent, bloodcurdling screams, resembling a horrific murder more than any form of actual music. Figuring this was simply an updated edition and Skillsaw had just gotten into some obscure genre of noise music, I pressed on. Though, when I got to MAP02, that was when I realized something was truly wrong. Instead of the typical second map of the WAD...it was MAP02 of NoYe! Oh my God, how could this be!
Suddenly, a shrill screech sounded from behind me. I turned around, and it was Skillsaw, but with empty black voids gazing at me from behind his glasses!! "What do you want from me," I asked, praying that he wasn't here to criticize my choice of source port. What he said next haunted me...
"I'm here to take your soul...wait, is that Doomsday? What the hell, why are you using Doomsday? If you want 3D models, just use Voxel Doom."
"But wait, Mr. Handsaw! How can you tell that I'm playing Doomsday when you don't have any eyes!"
"Because I'm wearing glasses, dumbass."
"Sorry."
Then he sawed my fingers off using a SKILSAW-brand circular saw and surgically removed my left kidney. I am now in the hospital, typing this to you using my nose. I will never play a Skillsaw WAD ever again.
Mostly because I no longer have fingers, but also out of spite.